


What happens after making out

by ApfelTHS



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Canon Compliant, Diary/Journal, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Graphic Description, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Kage Bunshin | Shadow Clones, Kinks, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, M/M, Mention of Suigetsu x Sasuke, Mention of Uchiha Massacre, Naruto is Just Naruto, One True Pairing, POV Uchiha Sasuke, POV Uzumaki Naruto, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Protective Haruno Sakura, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, Rumors, Sasuke is a romantic, Sasuke is in love, Sasuke writes porn, Seme Uchiha Sasuke, Seme Uzumaki Naruto, Shisui x Itachi, Slow Burn, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, Top Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke Returns to Konoha, Uke Uchiha Sasuke, Uke Uzumaki Naruto, Unresolved Romantic Tension, icha icha reference, make out paradise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 52,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApfelTHS/pseuds/ApfelTHS
Summary: When Sasuke finds a box filled with journals into Itachi's old room, he's far from imagining what secrets his brother had hidden when he was alive. Itachi, in love with Shisui? Sasuke can barely believe it. But inspired by his readings, the Uchiha starts writing his own smutty stories about that friend he likes way too much. All was well, until one of the pages of his diary gets leaked and the whole village reads his naughty thoughts.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 70
Kudos: 190





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> Thank you if you're here if you follow me and if you're new: welcome and thank you too for clicking on my work! I hope you'll all enjoy it!  
> I've worked on this one for more than a month now and I feel like it's ready to go. What was supposed to be a two-shots ended up being a whole ass story because - as always - I don't know what short means. But I hope you'll bare with me because these two were a big pain in my ass, especially Sasuke. istg, this guy is really hard to portray.  
> My previous works were angsty, but this one is all smut and fluff. There's probably a little angst, but nothing really harsh.  
> This first chapter is mainly focused on Sasuke but I feel like it was necessary to know where he stood at the beginning. Don't worry, our boy Naruto's gonna appear soon!
> 
> Ready to see Sasuke pining and struggling with a slow-burn he brought on himself?
> 
> Well, here you go!  
> xxx

“I did everything that I could!”  
“I don’t believe that!”

Kakashi lowered his gaze, feeling like he had failed his former student. Sasuke was standing in front of his desk, jaw and fists clenched. The Hokage could see the beads of tears pooling on the corner of his eyes and he felt his heart breaking for the young Uchiha. There was nothing he could do to stop what was going to happen and he couldn’t forgive himself. Of course Sasuke was mad at him. He was the Hokage after all. He was responsible for things happening in the village.

“Sasuke, you still have time to collect what you want. I’ll come with you.”  
“Oh, you think that’s enough for me? I have NOTHING left and you want to tear down the compound for what? Those peasants who have done nothing for Konoha? Who treated my clan like parias for all of their lives?”

The Sharingan bearer was fuming. He could feel the drumming of his heart in his chest, his boiling blood flowing through his limbs. He was hot, almost feverish and so mad and sad at the same time. The village’s council had taken the decision to destroy what was left of the Uchiha’s quarter to retrieve the stones and woods and build new homes. Konoha was flourishing since the end of the war, people were coming from all over the Fire Land and beyond to live there. They needed space.

“I can only imagine what you feel. I did everything that I could but it was not my decision to take.”

The young Uchiha knew that, but he was blinded by anger. He sat on the couch behind him and rubbed his tired face with his long fingers. It was like losing them all over again. Sniffing and trying to swallow his tears, Sasuke felt the couch sag next to him. A large hand landed on his shoulder and pulled him unexpectedly against an equally broad body. He opened his eyes wide as he felt his cheek resting against Kakashi’s armor. His former teacher was simply holding him and this gentle gesture was surprisingly soothing.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke. I promise you I did my best. I’ll help you retrieve everything you want before they tear down the old houses.”

His voice was soft, reassuring and Sasuke let Kakashi rub his palm against his back. It felt good because he had always been comfortable around that man. He was almost like a big brother, even though he could never replace Itachi. They were both very similar and had trouble voicing their feelings. Kakashi was more than ten years older than Sasuke and he had decided to be the bigger man. Asking Sasuke to just obey would have been a mistake, especially since the Uchiha was putting so much heart into trying to fit in the village again.

“I insisted they’d keep the Naka Shrine. This is sacred ground, even for Konoha. We will build something to remember your family.”  
“Nobody cares.” He dryly retorted.  
“I care. My best friend was a Uchiha. Itachi was my subordinate. You were my favorite student. If he was still alive, your brother would be Rokudaime. Not me.”  
“You mean it?” Sasuke asked, lifting his gaze to meet Kakashi’s dark eyes.

The grey haired shinobi nodded and patted his back before sighing.

“And he would have been a better Hokage than I ever will be. Besides, I’m not the only one to care about your family. There’s Sakura, Naruto, your companions from the Academy… and all the people who really knew the clan members. You’re not alone, Sasuke.”

They stared at each other and Sasuke noticed the way Kakashi’s eyes wrinkled. He was smiling under his mask. They both had their fair share of trauma. Having to deal with it again was weighing heavily on Sasuke’s shoulders. To soothe the tension of the day, Kakashi left his office early and invited the young Uchiha to eat in a restaurant. They spent the entire evening together and it was with a lighter spirit that Sasuke went to sleep that night.

The next day, he was already getting ready to go back to the old Uchiha compound. Dressed in a comfortable dark blue attire, he went outside of his small apartment and walked to find the old neighborhood. The villagers weren’t living in this part of town anymore. It had been deserted since the clan’s massacre. Some people were saying the place was cursed and even haunted. Even when they were alive, very few people approached the Uchihas. Sasuke had been too young to understand. But he’d noticed as soon as his family had been murdered: the whispers everywhere he went, the looks they were all giving him… He had understood that his family had not been very loved amongst the villagers. 

Sasuke jumped above the rocks that had fallen during Pain’s attack and that no one ever thought to clear. The place was deserted, silent, oddly peaceful. He had no idea if the spirits of his family were here but he could still smell the metallic scent of blood from that night. Was it the trauma talking? He had no idea. He walked mechanically through the maze of the quarter until he found his old house. Ivy had grown all over the facade, the wood of the porch was dirty and moldy. No one had taken care of that place and he had been too much of a coward to come earlier. But this was probably one of his last chances to see his family home. 

After climbing the steps, he heard the wooden floor creak under his feet. The ivy had covered the door and he had to use chakra blades to cut through the plant and enter. As a habit, he took off his shoes and walked silently into his home. It didn’t have the reassuring smell of his mom’s cooking, or the sound of his father’s steps in his office, or even the clatter of Itachi’s kunai hitting the target in the backyard. All of that had disappeared and only existed in his memory.

Sasuke stayed paralyzed for a moment in front of the living room. The tatamis had been carried away, probably too bloody to be left here to rot. There was no trace of the clan’s murder. Only a freezing silent, chilling Sasuke to the bone. He walked to the kitchen and noticed how everything had remained the same. The rat had made holes in the cupboards and eaten all the rice. But the place was still neat, just like Mitoko used to keep it.

Besides dust, his own bedroom and his parents’ were clean too. Everything had stayed at the same place, as if people who had investigated had been very cautious with the victims’ belongings. Sasuke ignored if the Anbu had come here or if they had received the order to just let go and cover up the case. Sasuke sighed and tried to not let his mind linger too much on that story. The wound was still too deep and unhealed to talk about it. 

There was one room he was dying to visit, though. When they were all living there, he had been forbidden to enter Itachi’s bedroom. His brother had told him several times that he could hurt himself with all the sharp weapons around the place. But now, he was a grown up and everything in this house belonged to him. 

He stood still for a couple of minutes in front of Itachi’s door. A chill shook his spine. Sasuke still had a strong and weird feeling. It was like he was doing something forbidden. He expected Itachi to appear right on the corner of the hallway and chase him off. But he was alone. There was no doubt of it. Gently, he pushed the door and looked inside the dark room.

Unlike the other rooms, Itachi’s had been sacked. Danzô and the rest of the council probably wanted to make sure Itachi had nothing to hide from them. Sasuke snorted, as if his brother could have left any clue for them to find. He walked in and touched the rice paper walls and the small desk in the corner. Fortunately, Itachi didn’t own many things. But his futon had been stabbed and was miserably gutted on the tatami. The drawers of his desk were literally on the floor, their contents spilled all over the place. Sasuke pressed his lips together. He still couldn’t handle the fact that those people treated his brother like a criminal. They had touched his stuff, violated his privacy and spat on his memory. As if Itachi hadn’t saved the whole world several times.

Feeling dizzy, Sasuke sat on the floor for a moment. He held his knees against his chest and laid his forehead on them for a moment. The smell of mold and the memories were difficult to handle. The Uchiha let a single tear run down the valley of his young but tired face. It had been awhile since he had not felt so lonely. Maybe he should have accepted Kakashi’s proposal to come with him. But it was important that he’d see the house by himself. It was his family, his heritage. They deserved to be treated with respect.

His heart immediately beat faster when he thought about his friend. Naruto has been away since the beginning of the month. He had been sent on a mission with Sakura and Sai. Sasuke had not seen him for weeks and he missed him dearly. Since Sasuke’s return a year ago, the two shinobi had spent lots of time together. The Uchiha had been glad to find his friend again and life was easier when Naruto was around.

His mind feeling better now that he was thinking about his friend, Sasuke lifted his head and let it rest against the wall. Itachi’s bedroom was dark but at least, he felt great surrounded by his brother’s stuff. He already knew that Naruto would be worried when he’d hear that Sasuke went here alone. He was going to want to know everything and make sure the Uchiha was feeling okay. The raven haired boy smiled with sadness. As a Hokage, the Uzumaki would have wanted to restore the Uchiha’s compound, not destroy it.

Finding his composure again, Sasuke laid his hands on the floor to lift himself up. But something drew his attention. Under the pulp of his index, he felt some irregularities in the wood. He looked down and narrowed his pupils. Something had been carved in the floor. Something that had been hidden from the investigators because the futon had probably laid on top of it the whole time. Sasuke leaned and saw three kana neatly carved into the wood and whispered 'Shisui'.

シスイ

The Uchiha remembered who Shisui was. Itachi’s best friend, the only one who understood him and sacrificed himself to save the clan and the village. The young boy had been attacked by Danzô, one of his eyes had been stolen and he had offered the other one to Itachi before jumping in the Naka river. Sasuke knew Itachi was very fond of Shisui, but why had he carved his name on the floor of his bedroom?

The last Uchiha kneeled and caressed the scar of the wood. It looked precious and made with precision. With a pressure from his fingers on the slat, the wood creaked and moved slightly. Sasuke frowned and pushed harder. To his own surprise, the slat came out and revealed a secret hole in the floor. His heart thumping furiously in his chest, Sasuke took the piece of wood completely out and activated his sharingan to see what was inside the dark hole. It wasn’t very deep but something seemed hidden at the bottom of it. Sasuke plunged his hand and groped as much as he could until his fingers met another wooden surface. It felt like a box. He grabbed it and sighed when he realized he could never take it out by that small slit in the floor. 

Sasuke pulled what was left of the tatami and noticed that some of the nails in the slats around the hole looked newer than the ones around the rest of the room. As if Itachi had created this hidden place himself, without telling anyone about it. Sasuke swallowed and wondered if he was supposed to really take the box out. It was Itachi’s stuff, his privacy and his secrets. What if his brother wanted those to stay hidden forever?

Sasuke thought about it for a whole minute, but his curiosity was burning his guts and he broke the slats with a precise raiton technique. The pieces of wood fell in the hole under the floor and the box shone under Sasuke’s gaze. He retrieved it cautiously and realized how heavy it was.

If Itachi had kept this hidden, it was probably very precious. Knowing his brother, this was probably linked to Konoha and the council. Or maybe the Anbu. Sasuke laid the box on the desk, his hands trembling and sweating with anxiety. Cautiously, Sasuke opened it and took a look inside. His heart almost fell in his chest when he realized this was no dangerous weapons or secret techniques but a pile of journals. Itachi had kept at least a dozen of those in a box hidden in the floor of his bedroom. What did it mean?

Sasuke took the chair that had been overthrown on the floor and sat on it before taking the first notebook on top of the pile. He opened it and immediately recognized Itachi’s neat writing. His kana and kanji were perfectly traced and there was no ink stain on the paper. Most of those pages were filled with reports from his brother’s missions when he was still a genin. Sasuke smiled as he read Itachi’s notes about his enemies. His elder was noticing everything and reporting it in his journals at night.

Sometimes, he had even drawn a little sketch to remember the attack better. His precise and perfectionist mind was sweating through the pages and Sasuke blessed this day and this marvelous treasure. He would cherish those journals and read them to know more about Itachi and the Konoha from his youth. Maybe he could learn a thing or two.

Invigorated by the discovery, Sasuke left the compound with the box under his arm and his heart light as a feather. He promised himself to come back with a bag to retrieve some stuff from his mom and dad too. But now, all he wanted to do was to dive into Itachi’s mind, study his brother’s ninja way. 

Back home, Sasuke boiled some water, made himself a cup of tea and sat on his bed, crossed-legged and eyes filled with stars. He opened his own notebook and started taking notes and tear pieces of paper to use as bookmarks. Itachi’s journals were like encyclopedias for Sasuke. It was finally something he could keep for himself, a legacy left for him only. With every page he was turning, Sasuke felt a rush of adrenaline running through his veins. As if every discovery was some kind of adventure, something that his brother had prepared for him. After an entire day of decrypting Itachi’s writing and the complicated notes he had marked down, the Uchiha stretched his limbs.

It was marvelous to notice how much his mood had changed in the span of a few hours. At this rate, it would take Sasuke less than a week to know everything there was to know about Itachi and his journals, but he couldn’t care less. Those notebooks would bring him a lifetime of happiness. They were the last physical remains of his dear brother and he would cherish them forever.

Sasuke yawned and noticed that the night had fallen on the village. The sky was dark outside his window and he had been so absorbed by his findings, that he had not even taken the time to eat. The Uchiha got up, grabbed an onigiri in his fridge and went back on his bed. As he laid down and lazily grabbed another notebook, Sasuke felt cheerfulness spreading through his spirit. This had been a good day and an excellent evening. He had not felt like this for years.

His bed was covered with notes and books. Journals were scattered all around him but it was a happy mess. He licked his fingers after finishing his onigiri and opened a new notebook. This one seemed more messy, as if Itachi had carried it around with him. Another chill shook his spine and he thought about the exciting things he was about to find out in those pages. As always, Itachi had marked the dates and the places where he had written but there were no sketches or complex explanations in this one. Itachi had been writing about his days.

Sasuke frowned as he realized this journal might be more personal… like a diary. He pulled the blanket over him, as if it would hide him from his brother’s scolding gaze and dived deeper in Itachi’s daily life. The young boy was writing about training with his team, the new kunai his father had given him to practice and the pastries he had tasted with his mother on the day of the market. 

This diary contrasted with everything Sasuke had read before. Sure, Itachi was still good at compartimenting the stuff in his existence but this didn’t look like the life of a young assassin. His brother had even drawn a comparison chart between several bakeries selling dango. Sasuke laughed as he realized that his brother had had very common hobbies. On the inside, the Uchiha thought about Itachi’s happiness if he had lived in today’s Konohagakure. He would have enjoyed all the pastries in the world. He would have bathed in the river with him and made some friends. He would have loved Naruto. The Uchihas, Kakashi and Naruto would have been friends forever.

Sasuke sighed and turned another page. Itachi’s writing looked more uncertain on this one, as if he had been afraid of writing those lines even though nobody could see them. The Uchiha took a deep breath and started reading nonetheless.

“ _Today, Shisui and I went training in the woods. It was raining and it made everything much harder for me because I hate it. But Shisui laughed at me, saying I looked like a wet kitten. I wasn't upset about it. I like when he’s training with me. It makes everything better, easier. When the rain stopped, we took a break and ate fish we caught in the river. That’s one of my favorite things to do too. It’s so quiet when the sky turns dark and it is only the two of us. I wish I could talk about what I feel when I’m alone with him. But I don’t think anyone would understand._ ”

Sasuke swallowed his saliva and stayed still for a moment. He closed the notebook and looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. Something inside him woke up. His spirit resonated with those few lines Itachi had written. It wasn’t much but just enough to make him think about his own friend. The Uchiha tightened his grip around the notebook, wondering if he should keep reading. But his curiosity won the battle and he turned another page, even more cautiously than before. After a few reports about his life at home, he mentioned Shisui again. This time, the note was longer.

“ _It’s been a long day. The whole house is asleep now. Sasuke was sick tonight and he cried all evening. I hope he’ll feel better tomorrow. I hate it when he has a fever because there is nothing I can do to help him. Mom and I tried to bathe him in lukewarm water but he was just not having it. He even kicked me, the little beast. I forgot everything when he fell asleep, his hand tightly wrapped around my finger. Shisui came by this morning and we ran to the forest to train our chakra control. It was fun but kinda exhausting. Shisui is so strong, so wise. I wish I were more like him, even if he says I’m already a stronger shinobi. I don’t believe I am. I don’t have his knowledge yet. That’s why I like him so much. Because he doesn’t know how smart and good he is. He could be Hokage if he wanted to. but he keeps repeating that I’ll be Hokage someday and that he’ll protect me.This is something I’d like too. I think we could both be what Konoha and the clan need. I’d like to stay by Shisui’s side, always. But I’m not sure I should tell him. I don’t want him to run away and be scared of me and what I feel. I don’t know what it is, but I just know it’s forbidden. I just know I shouldn't feel that way for a friend. But being with him makes everything better, as if the future could be brighter because he is here. Is it because I know he’d be good at the head of the village or because I want to be with him? I don’t know. I’m afraid to know._ ”

Under that note, Itachi had drawn two eyes with straight eyebrows and a sharingan in each orbit. Sasuke caressed the lines with the pulp of his fingers, guessing Itachi had probably drawn Shisui’s eyes. This was a weird insight into his brother’s privacy but Sasuke felt at peace with it. This was the first time he was getting to know his brother like a real person and not just a shinobi from Konoha and the Akatsuki. And his words were making sense to Sasuke, he could feel them filling his brain and feeding his thoughts. 

He never had anyone around to talk about his feelings. When he was young, his parents had been too busy leading the clan and his brother too busy becoming a criminal. His teenage self had been too much of a mess to even realize he needed to talk. And now, the only person he could talk to was Naruto. He had confided to him several times when they had been alone. His family, his time with Orochimaru, his return to Konoha… Naruto knew everything about him. He just ignored that Sasuke felt the exact way his brother had felt fifteen years ago.

Maybe finding those diaries was a sign and the answer he had been looking for all his life. Sasuke turned the pages, avoiding the ones about him or his family because he would have time to read them later. The Uchiha was too eager to find out what Itachi did about his feelings for Shisui. After running through the pages, Sasuke finally found another paragraph about the Uchiha.

“ _Shisui and I spent the week-end together. I had not seen him in weeks because of his missions and I was dying to meet with him again. Of course, he was safe and besides a scar on his shoulder, nothing has changed. Mother and father agreed on letting me go camp with him for a couple of days. We trained of course, because there’s nothing more important than that. But we also took the time to sit down and talk about what matters. We have the same vision of what should be done for the village. I wish the grownups could hear what we have to say. For the first time, I felt like we had the power to change things in our clan. My feelings for Shisui have not changed. They have grown and transformed into something I can’t hide anymore. I think Shisui noticed because he had a strange way to look at me. Or maybe I’m being paranoid, I don’t know. All I can say is that I’m not going to hide anymore. I missed him so much those past weeks and I want him to know that I’d do anything for him._ ”

Sasuke’s heart was beating fast in his ribcage and he knew the next time Itachi would talk about his best friend, he would have told him that he loved him. Sasuke looked for it, almost tearing the pages with urgency and found the passage. Itachi’s writing was frantic and almost unreadable. It didn’t look like him at all. Maybe something went wrong. The Uchiha held the diary against his chest and closed his eyes. Itachi was dead and nothing mattered now. But he wished with all his heart that his big brother had known happiness. He deserved it. He deserved to feel loved.

When he was finally ready to read it, Sasuke opened the book again and wetted his lips. His thumping heart was still drumming in his ears and he knew why. This wasn’t only Itachi’s story at stake here. If Shisui responded to Itachi’s love declaration, this would be Sasuke’s keys to his future. He would dare to tell Naruto what he felt for him. If Shisui had rejected his brother, Sasuke would never try anything. He was too much of a coward for that. But since Itachi was his role model…

“I _twisted my ankle during training with Shisui. It was raining again and I slipped like an idiot. I hate myself when I’m being clumsy. But today was the day I was supposed to tell him how I felt and it confused me. I shouldn’t let my feelings cloud my judgement, but I did. Shisui carried me and sat me under a big rock so we could stay dry. I don’t know if he heard it but my heart was literally beating out of my chest when he was touching me. He asked me why I was quiet and I completely chickened out. He was looking at me with his big black eyes and I couldn’t tell him. I was so afraid I’d lose my only friend… He took off my shoe and started to bandage my ankle and I don’t know why but I cried. Like a baby. Not because of the pain but because I was a coward and I just couldn’t tell him. I think we were both so surprised that I cried that we didn’t say anything. I felt so bad that I even thought about running out. But my leg was sore and I couldn’t put my foot on the ground anyway. When we were watching the rain pour, Shisui said something to me. He said that I could tell him everything and that he would never judge me. But all I could do was rest my head against his shoulder and stay silent. I don’t know what is going to happen next but I’m so scared._ ”

Sasuke sniffled and wiped the tears off of his cheeks. His brother was so different from how he remembered him. Deep in his soul, the Uchiha had the devastating impression that he had never known Itachi. That he had been ripped off the chance to grow up with his brother. In his mind, he was seeing him as a strong and fierce shinobi, unafraid and confident. In reality, Itachi was soft, shy, full of insecurities. Just like him. So, he had never known love then? Sasuke sighed and played with the pages in his hand. He caressed the edge of the paper, spun it in his palm and watched as a piece of old parchment fell on his chest. Sasuke sat and took it cautiously before unfolding it. 

His breath stopped and his heart fell in his stomach. Under his eyes, there was a very graphic drawing of two men laying with each other. Sasuke blinked several times and swallowed the lump in his throat. The design was neat and the lines precise, just like Itachi’s usual sketches. He recognized the long hair of his brother, spilled around his head and Shisui’s face bent over him, kissing him. Their bodies were connected and Itachi’s legs wrapped around the other Uchiha’s waist. 

Without warning, a heat started pooling in his cheeks and his groin. Sasuke frantically folded the drawing and put it back into the notebook. Ashamed of himself and his uncontrollable reaction, he switched off the light at once and found shelter under his sheets. He shouldn’t have seen it. It was a private drawing that had been hidden for a reason. But now, Sasuke couldn’t forget the image printed behind his lids. And he also couldn’t stop wondering if that piece was a product of Itachi’s fantasies or did he really… Sasuke couldn’t think about it.

It took hours for the Uchiha to fall asleep. Every time he was closing his eyes, he was picturing Naruto and himself mirroring Itachi and Shisui. He had been feeling weird about his best friend forever but had never imagined this would trigger him so much. When he was looking at Naruto, something warm and soft was blooming inside him. He could not take his eyes off of him. The only thing that prevented him from sharing his feelings was the fear of being rejected. 

Sasuke was aware that Naruto was popular amongst girls and he didn’t know any case of gay shinobi. Except that now, he had the proof that it was possible… and it looked like it ran in the family. Itachi had never shared stuff like that at home and anyway, Sasuke had been too young to understand. But now that he was in his twenties and peace was reigning over the world, it was all he could think about. The heat spread again in his lower belly. He had not touched himself in days but he just couldn’t do it after seeing a drawing of his brother. It would not be right. Clenching his thighs together, Sasuke closed his eyes and prayed that he could fall asleep.

The night after, Sasuke couldn’t take it anymore. He had to find out what we really went on between the two Uchiha. Curled up in his blanket, the young man started reading Itachi’s diary again. The next confession looked more composed and Itachi’s neat writing told Sasuke everything he needed to know about the tense atmosphere in the clan at that time. The Uchiha were mad at the village’s council and Itachi was expressing his worries. Through the lines of his journal, Sasuke could feel how mature his big brother had been. He was only a teenager, just a young man and he was able to do so much.

When he turned the next page, Sasuke stumbled upon another drawing, a candid one this time. Itachi had drawn Shisui seated on the river bank where the Uchihas used to practice their katon. The young boy was smiling at him, his ninja gear on his back. Sasuke looked at him: the dark hair, the perky nose, the full lips and that look in his eyes… he was a Uchiha. A chill crossed his spine. His brother had not been afraid to date someone from their own family. He trusted him with his life. And he was so young. Another chill manifested. Did he really have sex at 12? He was probably about to find out.

“ _It is the first time Shisui and I met and haven't trained. He took me into the woods. He said he had something to tell me. I was afraid he would not want to be friends with me anymore. But it wasn’t that at all. I still can't believe how lucky I am and how it is good to feel my heart beating in my chest. I am shaking while writing those lines and I don’t know how to explain what happened. All I know is that everything seems better since we talked. He said he accepted me and everything I could say or feel. So I took my chance and I told him I was in love with him. I swear, he looked so confused at first. But then, Shisui kissed me. He kissed me. It was clumsy and weird at first, especially when he opened his lips but… I adored the way he smells and he whispers when he’s so close to me. I love him even more now. He said he thought he loved me too, that he felt something inside him when he was with me. But he wasn’t sure. So we kissed again. And I wished we could do that forever. I want to kiss him forever. If I was not so determined to be a shinobi and protect Konoha, I know I would have fled with him just so we could be happy and at peace._ ”

Sasuke bit his lip. He had no idea if he should feel sad or happy. Itachi and Shisui were dead. They had been sacrificed and their love only lasted a couple of months. They had had each other and their happiness had been shattered because of the greed of some men. His heart ached in his chest. But at the same time, he was beyond thrilled that his big brother had felt something so strong and so pure. That was exactly what he was feeling for Naruto. He could let go of the entire world if it meant he could be by his side forever. Sasuke could have died at the Valley of the End if it meant Naruto could be happy and safe.

The brunette caressed the lines with the tip of his finger and smiled. Itachi had been a young and innocent boy once. This was his testament of youth. His brave, big brother had loved. He couldn’t imagine how much the loss of Shisui had weighed on his shoulders. Sasuke could only grieve for the both of them. And maybe use their story to feed his own. He turned another page and looked for what was coming next. Another drawing, this time more graphic, popped up. Sasuke blushed when he noticed that his brother had perfectly sketched his lover lying naked by the river.

Even with the heat pooling in his cheeks, Sasuke couldn’t take his eyes off of the picture. The young man was peacefully enjoying the sun, one foot dangling in the water. Itachi had not omitted any detail. From the roots of Shisui’s hair to the length of his legs to the shadows and shapes of his manhood...The Uchiha blushed even more when he saw how realistic this area was. He wondered if he was this obsessed with the male body. He had thought about it, of course he had. During his time with team taka, he had grown close to Suigetsu. To the point where sometimes, late into the night, the two young men would share their beds. It wasn’t love. Just sexual attraction and an urgent need to blow off some steam. When the war had ended and he finally had headspace to think about stuff the boys his age were thinking about… He had thought about doing it for the feelings and not just because he needed release. But since then, he had only experienced one-night stands, mainly with women on the road. 

The female body was pleasant, delicate and he had found his nights with them very soothing. But he wasn’t aroused just by thinking about a woman. To be honest, the only thing he was picturing when he was touching himself was the swell of Naruto’s ass in his stupid tracksuit. He had seen the Jinchuuriki naked at the onsen. But they were young and sex was the least of their concerns at the time. Now, Sasuke could only imagine how Naruto might be. His chest was probably carved like a marble statue, his legs long and muscular, his thighs thick, his shoulders broad and reassuring. Sasuke swallowed shamefully when he thought about Naruto’s dick. Was he big? The Uchiha liked to think that he was. Would he like to touch it? Another rush of adrenaline shook his spine and Sasuke clenched his thighs as he tried to forget the images jumping in his brain. 

He resumed his reading before losing himself in the depth of his horny thoughts. The next pages were filled with the same kind of drawings. After the shock came the curiosity. Sasuke studied the accuracy of Itachi’s work. He had mastered the art of representing the male body and was an expert of Shisui’s. Every piece of him was drawn in different lighting and position. After a page filled with dicks that Sasuke turned hastily, he found what he was looking for.

“ _I haven’t written in my diary for a while. I’m pretty busy with work. I don’t have time for Sasuke anymore and I feel guilty every time I go away. Especially when after a mission, I don’t go home immediately. The truth is, I can’t spend more than two days away from Shisui anymore. I have to see him, hold him. I have to know that he’s safe and still loves me. I don’t know how much we have until the clan explodes from the inside, all I know is that I want to spend as much time as I can with him. I love him beyond reason. Sasuke gives me strength and purpose. Shisui fills me with his love. I’m so thankful to have those two men in my life. I hope Sasuke will grow up in a hateless world, even though I don’t have much hope for my little brother. I know I could make his life happier if I were in charge with Shisui._ _I just left him. We made love. It is not our first time. But I couldn’t put words to express how I felt the first time he held me in his arms while entering me. It was too intense, too good and painful at the same time. We should probably not do it. I don’t feel like I’m ready for those things. But something tells me we don’t have much time. I don’t want to die without knowing what it feels like to lay with somebody. So we did it. And now I can’t stop. I still have the taste of his skin on my tongue. I miss him already._ ”

The Uchiha realized how much his brother had to assume at such a young age. But relationships, whether they are mental or physical, are also complicated. Especially at 12. Once more, Itachi seemed like he was handling it with more maturity than any adult. His curiosity taking him farther away, Sasuke kept on reading. He discovered that, as young as he had been, Itachi was very open about all things sexual. In fact, it seemed like he liked it very much and Sasuke wondered if love-making would feel the same with someone he really cared about. His brother wasn’t hiding behind metaphors or innocent poetry. He loved Shisui and he loved having sex with him.

“ _I’ve never felt so complete before. When Shisui holds me, when he kisses me, when he touches me, it’s like the stars align. I can’t express how much I love hearing him call my name when I take him in my mouth. He’s so soft there, so wet and hard it makes me cum while writing those lines. The sounds he makes when I kneel in front of him can’t be replaced. When he’s inside me, I can feel how powerful he is. A strong man, who holds me and takes care of me like nobody else does. I’ll let him take me the way he wants, even if it hurts a bit, even if it’s forbidden. I’ll scream for him and crawl on my knees for him, only to please him. I want to make him feel good and surrounded with love. I want him to be happy forever. I want to be his and him to be mine. Even when we do naughty things I’d be ashamed to say out loud, I don’t feel any guilt. It’s just Shisui and I. I think that if more people loved the way we love each other, the world would be a better place._ ”

Sighing in despair, Sasuke buried himself under the blankets to hide the redness on his cheeks. He wanted what they had so badly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> Here is chapter 2! We're still getting to know them and where they stand in this fiction. I'm trying to stay as faithful to the OG characters as I can, as always. So I hope you'll like them. This Sasuke is a real teenager trying to discover how romance works and even though he's always tricky to write, I had a lot of fun portraying him.  
> Anyway, enough of my nonsense!  
> Enjoy!!  
> xx

Sasuke’s heart skipped a beat when he received a note from Sakura notifying that Naruto and Sai had come home after their mission. Team seven was often seen together and even though Sasuke had not been around for years, he really enjoyed those reunions with his former companions. He had learned - or rather be forced - to get along with Sai. That day, they were supposed to go eat all together at Ichiraku’s. As usual when he was back from a long mission, Naruto was craving for the famous ramen. 

It was the first time Sasuke was seeing him since the discovery of Itachi’s diaries. He had not finished reading all of them but getting acquainted with his brother that way gave him the desire to write a diary of his own. Laying his thoughts on the paper would be soothing. He wanted to allow himself to study what was going on inside his brain and maybe, find a way to heal properly. The writing therapy was needed because even though he was now very well surrounded, Sasuke still feared his inner darkness. He knew he could talk to his friends but he wanted to be the kind of man able to fix things and be proud that he could stand by himself. He had not begun writing yet because some of his thoughts were still a bit frightening. Putting words onto his feelings was something he had not achieved yet and writing them would make everything… official and real. After reading half of Itachi’s diaries and studying the way his brother was thinking, he was certain of two things about himself: 1. He was completely in love with his best friend. 2. He was super horny about it. 

Sasuke couldn’t possibly walk to Naruto and ask him to have sex… but the Uchiha knew for sure that he also couldn’t let things like that any longer. His brother’s story had shown him that it was possible for two men to be in love and thrive through this relationship. All he had to do was find the courage to admit his feelings to his best friend. He knew Naruto well-enough to be aware that the Jinchuuriki would never make fun of him if he didn’t feel the same. Damn, the boy would even pretend to love him if that made Sasuke feel good about himself. Though, he didn’t want his pity. The Uchiha wanted to have the real thing. The one Itachi talked about in his journals.

On his way to the restaurant, Sasuke was surprisingly eager to meet with all of them. He was anxious about seeing Naruto again after everything he had thought about… but for the first time, the perspective made him feel like a teenager about to see his crush again. The butterflies kept flapping their wings in his stomach and his legs seemed made of jelly. For some reasons, being a real kid brought warmth to his wounded heart. He had very few ideas about how life should be when you’re young and carefree. Being in love with Naruto in time of peace felt like a new breath he was eager to let inside him. 

Sasuke found Sakura waiting for them and the kunoichi welcomed him in her arms. As always, she couldn’t help being close to him. What he had once found annoying, he was now glad it was happening. People like Sakura had always been here for him, even when he had been a monster. It had kept him human, in some ways. After a quick chat, he finally saw Sai and Naruto coming. The two ninja appeared in front of them, joking about the mission they had just finished. Sasuke wished he could go away with him sometimes. But Kakashi wouldn’t let the two strongest shinobi out of the village at the same time. It was wise, but Sasuke burned for an occasion to be alone with the Uzumaki, just like the good old times.

When he recognized the wide shape of Naruto’s shoulders and his sunny blond hair, Sasuke’s heart bounced down in his guts and up in his throat. He was even more attractive than in his memories. The blond was smiling at them, waving his large hand as he always was. He had no idea what was happening inside his best friend’s brain. Sasuke was seeing him in a whole other light. He had always been fond of him but now, it was possible that the two of them… Feeling the redness crawling up on his cheeks, Sasuke tried to forget what he was thinking about and smiled back with his usual smirk. As always, Naruto hugged him fiercely with his warm laughter and Sasuke pretended to be annoyed.

“Sasuke, Sakura-chan, you are already there. I’m famished and tired. I want to eat and then go crash on my bed.”

Sasuke pouted for a second. He wanted to have Naruto for the whole day. But maybe it was for the best. The two others were here too, and they needed some alone time… just so Sasuke could test the water. They all sat at the stall, warmly greeted by the old man in the apron. As always, they all took a king size bowl of ramen, with pork slices and extra narutomaki decorating the delicious dashi. Sakura was already asking her two friends questions about the mission and checking for any wounds they would have hidden to the Hokage. Sasuke was, as always, quietly slurping on his noodles. But today, every time the Uzumaki was addressing him, he couldn’t stop the feeling of shyness planting its claws inside him. After answering him about his last mission with a slight stammer in the voice, Naruto stared at his blushing cheeks in silence and resumed eating with a thoughtful look. 

“It’s my birthday next week-end, and I think we should all go somewhere.” Sakura said with a resolved tone. “I don’t want to spend the day locked up with my parents. Ino and Shikamaru are free, and I hope you’ll be there too.”  
“I think I am.” Sai said with one of his smiles.  
“Good. I know Ino will be thrilled.” Sakura winked before turning to Naruto. “Also, Hinata will be there, Naruto.”

Sasuke stopped eating to listen to what his friend was going to answer. It would be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified to discover right now that he had no chance with Naruto. It would be crushing. He knew Naruto had a soft spot for the Hyuuga girl, especially since her cousin’s death had brought them so close. But he had a slight hope that what they shared was more important.

“Oh… I like Hinata. I’m glad she’s coming.” Naruto said with a smile.  
“Maybe you two could… talk.” Sakura suggested.

The Uchiha stared at his bowl of ramen. A cold shiver ran through his spine. Sasuke didn’t _like_ Naruto. He wasn’t _glad_ that he was coming. Sasuke was _in love_ with Naruto. That was different. And the Uzumaki should know it. But now wasn’t the time to say anything. He couldn’t just burst and tell his best friend he was burning for him and dying for a kiss in front of everyone. Even though he knew making a scene would appear very suspect, he couldn’t control his jealousy from winning over him.

“Maybe Naruto is tired and he doesn’t want to use his free time to flirt.” He spat out, more bitterly than he had planned.

The three of them turned their heads to look at him playing with a cute narutomaki with his chopsticks. It had come out wrong. Or had it? He had said specifically what he wanted to say… almost. Sasuke didn’t dare to look at them and that silence became quite embarrassing. Though, Naruto saved the day, once more.

“You’re right. I’m kinda exhausted. That mission was tough. I’ll take things easy.”

Sasuke had no idea if Naruto had noticed anything about his new attitude or if he was just his usual self: caring and selfless. But he was glad nobody commented on his sudden possessivity toward the Jinchuuriki. The rest of the lunch went smoothly, mainly because Sasuke only spoke when he was invited to. After they were done and they had all paid for their meal, Sakura hurried back to the hospital and Sai left the two friends when he ran into Ino walking by. 

They were alone. At last. Sasuke’s heart was thumping furiously in his chest. Naruto couldn’t suspect Sasuke’s sudden nervousness to be around him. But despite his timidity, the brunette was glad he was alone with Naruto. They could talk and reconnect. After all, he had missed the shinobi and he hoped the blond had missed him too. Hands buried deep in their pockets, they were peacefully strolling through the village. It was a casual afternoon in Konoha, one that the Uchiha was glad he could finally enjoy far from his former darkness. 

It was sometimes keeping him awake at night. The guilt, the fear of not being trusted, the realization he had missed most of his childhood… but fortunately for him, every time he was feeling down the man by his side could feel it. It was like they were still connected the way they had been during the war. It was a reassuring thought to know he would never be alone anymore. 

Smiling at another joke his friend had just made, Sasuke sat on a bench in the Senju park they used to all go to play when they were kids. Naruto joined him, legs spread, arms resting on the backrest and fingers innocently grazing at Sasuke’s nape. The Uchiha tried to not pay attention to the subtle chill running through his spine. But it was very hard to ignore how much he wanted to get closer to Naruto and just rest his head against his chest. They observed the villagers walking by, the birds chirping above their heads and when Sasuke finally dared to turn to face his friend, he immediately met the perfect blue of Naruto’s wide eyes. Lost for words for a moment, Sasuke cleared his throat and tried to hide the redness spreading on his cheeks by pretending he was looking for something in his pouch.

“I really like your long hair.” Naruto said in the most natural way.

Sasuke stilled and looked at him a bit shocked. Had he heard him give him a compliment? It was probably nothing but the two ninja weren’t used to discuss those things. They were boys, men even. They were tough shinobi of Konoha. Not girls. They didn’t talk about that… or maybe, Naruto was used to compliment his friends? He had no idea how men should interact together. Though, Sasuke really liked the way Naruto’s hair was growing on the sides of his face too. He resembled his father more year after year. Not that he had had a crush on Minato Namikaze but… the man was hot. He had this sweetness in his eyes… the same gentle look Naruto had right now while he was staring at him and tilting his head on the side.

“I need you for Sakura’s birthday.” He finally said.

Sasuke’s heart missed a beat and he might have looked a bit upset because Naruto punched his shoulder as if he was trying to encourage him to be more friendly.

“Come on! It’s for Sakura-chan!”

But Sasuke wasn’t upset that they were talking about spoiling the kunoichi. He just wanted to hear more compliments from the Uzumaki, that was it. 

“What do you have in mind?”  
"Ino already told me she was organizing a big party. We’re going camping in the woods outside the village. What do you think?”  
“Sure. But can we all go?”  
“She made sure Kakashi gave everyone the night at least. I think I’ll only have an assignment on Monday. I hope you’ll be free too. We have not been camping in a while, right?”

Sasuke smiled when he crossed Naruto’s glance. As they were speaking, years of ninja training and missions scrolled through their minds. They both missed being out and about. This wasn’t the same but finding a little bit of their child-self would be fun. And maybe they could… get closer. Sasuke bit his lip and took a deep breath.

“Are you bringing your own tent?” He asked innocently.  
“Yes, I have a brand new one. Why?”  
“I don’t know.” Sasuke shrugged. “Maybe we could share.”

Naruto chuckled and sniffled, a bit embarrassed. “What was wrong?” Sasuke thought. “Did he plan on taking a girl in his tent?” The Uchiha felt very stupid all of a sudden. But he couldn’t show he was hurt so he did what he does best: 

“I mean… it’s not like I want to sleep with you. You snore so loud and you’re so clingy and-”  
“Oh, am I?”  
“Yes. And I’m pretty sure you sleep naked now and I really don’t want to witness that.”

Naruto giggled and slightly shifted his body to face Sasuke. The Uchiha couldn’t avoid the adorable smile spreading on his friend’s cheeks and making him blush even more. The whiskers almost disappeared behind the locks of blond hair and he had to force himself to not brush one of them behind Naruto’s ear. They stared long enough for Sasuke to start laughing too. What was he doing?

“So, you want us to share the tent, yes or no?” Naruto asked while getting closer to Sasuke.  
“I… You probably had something planned for that night anyway, so forget about it.” He was chickening again.  
“Okay.”  
“Okay?” Sasuke frowned.  
“Yeah.” Naruto shrugged.  
“Did you have something planned?”  
“Maybe. Why do you want to know?”  
“I don’t.”

Silence fell between them. A weird silence. A bit painful on Sasuke’s side. But it wasn’t like he could say something now. It would be even odder. Having the surprise to find him flirting with somebody else at the party would be heartbreaking. Sasuke thought about Itachi’s diary and the way he had described falling in love with Shisui. He had admitted his love to his friend even if he wasn’t sure about the repercussions. That took real courage. Was he brave enough to get rejected by the man he loved more than life itself? No. But the fall would be even more painful if he didn’t push himself a bit.

“Is it about Hinata?” He risked.  
“I thought you didn’t wa-”  
“Answer.” He ordained.

Naruto turned to him, surprised but oddly shivering. Kids were playing around them, birds still singing in the trees above their heads but all Sasuke could hear was the slow breath coming out of Naruto’s delicious mouth. Was he going to answer to him? He needed to know and he had no idea how to justify that this was a capital question.

“I think she’s cool. But I don’t know if anything could happen between us.”  
“But do you want something to happen?” He reiterated his teeth clenched.  
“I don’t… I haven’t thought about it, really.”  
“Then why would you imply it?”  
“I didn- Sasuke, why are you so pressed about this? It was just a joke and you said you don’t even want to sleep with me.”  
“Yes. You’re right. I don’t want to sleep with you. Ever.”

Sasuke stood up and walked away. He was red like a tomato and ashamed he had given so many hints about his state of mind already. This was supposed to be a nice afternoon with Naruto. He was supposed to learn more about what his friend wanted and if he had a shot. But instead, he had ruined… everything. And that last part. Sasuke bit his lip out of resentment. What a douche. What an idiot. Of course Naruto didn’t imply he wanted to sleep _sleep_ with him. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that… the blond never doubted that he would want it.

Back in his apartment, Sasuke buried himself under the blankets and sighed. He had ruined everything with his bad mood, his anger and his jealousy. Couldn’t he just say that he wanted to sleep in Naruto’s tent like in the good old times? He sighed again because he had not thought about this earlier. He had to be petty and awkward. Naruto was probably confused and there was no way Sasuke was going to apologize. This wasn’t his type. And what was he supposed to say anyway: sorry, I was jealous because I want you to flirt with me instead of big boobs and submissive Hinata? Grotesque.

Tired and angry with himself, Sasuke took a shower and went back to bed, tormented by the idea that Naruto might be attracted to a woman being the exact opposite of who he was physically and mentally. After a quick and agitated nap, he woke up in the middle of the night in a mood for food. His stomach was empty for several hours now and he could use a bowl of rice with miso soup. On his kitchen table, he found one of Itachi’s diaries. It was the second one in which he had written his confessions about Shisui. Sasuke still had to finish reading it. He placed a few spoons of rice in a bowl, grabbed his chopsticks and sat to read.

“ _I am very anxious about what is going to happen to the clan. I can feel it at home too, father is stressed all the time. The streets in the compound are empty even during the usual rush hour. The Uchihas are staying home to talk as if they feared spies. They are right to fear it, even though they have no idea I am one. The only thing that keeps me going is Sasuke. He’s so little but so strong already. I see myself in him… but he’s more naive and I think that it’s a strength. The grownups can’t see it yet, but he’s going to surpass us all. Shisui thinks the same. Him, who I admire the most, knows it when he sees a genius. Sasuke is one of them. I’m proud that Shisui sees it too. It makes me love them both even more. Last night, after the clan meeting, Shisui and I went into the woods to run and train. It felt good to not think about anything else but stamina and aiming right. I was exhausted but I felt that he needed me. He needed to be held and kissed. Behind the mask, Shisui is just a young boy. He is older than me but I can feel when he longs to be reassured. I held him tight and touched him where he liked to be touched just so he could feel better. It was the first time I was initiating it. I was a bit scared at first but I liked it so much I don’t think I could get tired of him. For once, Shisui asked me to be on top and I gave him what he wanted. I never thought being inside someone could be so… intimate. When I receive, I feel like I’m doing him a favor. The truth is, it’s even harder to not lose yourself when you’re trying to be good to your lover. I hope I was what he needed because I want to make love to him until we can’t stand anymore and our old shinobi bones turn into dust._ ”

Sasuke swallowed the lump in his throat and wiped the corner of his eyes. This confession wasn’t particularly sad. He just knew what was coming next. Shisui and Itachi were getting close to the Uchiha’s rebellion. The elder would be abused and would jump into the river to try to save what was left of the clan. But it wouldn’t be enough. Itachi would have to sacrifice his whole life too. The Uchiha lovers would never be old and happy together. And here he was, Uchiha Sasuke, the genius Itachi was praising in his diary. Unable to confess his love to his best friend. What a coward he was. What a shitty way to give back to his big brother. 

Sasuke closed the journal and sniffled. He wasn’t ready to read more of Itachi’s last moments in Konoha. The more pages he was turning, the more anxious Itachi was growing. But his love was becoming stronger too. The Uchiha feared how he would react to Itachi’s last note about Shisui. After all, the ninja had been here when his lover had killed himself for the greater good. What a cruel life. What a merciless village. His heart tightening in his chest, Sasuke realized how painful it would be to lose Naruto. He would not be able to live after that. How could he? Naruto was all that he had left. He couldn’t ruin things between them. He would apologize in the morning.

The day after, he had been called to the Hokage’s office with Naruto and Sai. Shikamaru was standing by the right side of Kakashi’s chair and the three of them were listening to the shinobi giving them news about the international community. As always, Naruto looked a little bit lost but he was trying to pretend everything was fine. They didn’t have any assignment for the rest of the week, but as the main protector of the village and the jônin in charge, Sasuke liked to know everything that was happening outside those walls. 

That day, standing next to Naruto felt weird. He had not had the opportunity to talk to him yet and the Uzumaki had greeted him with the same smile he always had. Then, he had grinned at the three other men in the room. Jealousy tore Sasuke’s guts: he wasn’t special anymore. He had to change that. When Shikamaru finished his speech and Kakashi let them go, the Uchiha watched the two friends from team 7 walk in front of him. They looked like they got along very well and it was delicate to interrupt them right now… especially since Sasuke wanted to speak with Naruto alone.

When he noticed both shinobi were heading downtown, the brunette realized this could take a while before he could find a moment to talk to Naruto. In a desperate attempt to be seen by his friend, Sasuke walked to them and cleared his throat. The two men looked at him and waited for something to happen. Why was everything so complicated every time Naruto was involved?

“Hm… can I talk to you, Naruto?” He stammered like a teenager and hated himself in the process.  
“Sure.” He said with a smile but Sasuke could feel an unknown coldness behind that warm answer. “Sai, I’ll see you at Ichiraku’s later.”

So they were having lunch together? And he was not invited? Sasuke tried to expel those thoughts out of his brain. He didn’t need to think about it. What he needed was to apologize to his best friend for being an ass.

“So?” Naruto questioned him after a minute of silence.  
“I… I’m sorry. For yesterday.”

The blue eyes before him widened. None of them could believe what was happening. But here he was: doing his best to protect what was left of Naruto and Sasuke.

“Oh… waw. Hm… you don’t need to apologize, Sasuke. I’m not mad.” the blond answered with an embarrassed grin.  
“You’re not? But I was-”  
“Obnoxious? Snobbish? Unfair? Tell me something I don’t know.” He joked.  
“I see…”

Sasuke looked everywhere but on Naruto. Saying that he was disappointed was an understatement. It was very hard for him to apologize mainly because it was like admitting that he didn’t think all the mean things he had said. And he knew he had to explain himself. But he had not thought that hearing the truth about his behavior coming out of Naruto’s mouth would hurt so much. He was aware that he was a difficult person. But if even him had given up… Who was left?

“Hey… I’m sorry that came out wrong. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

He must have looked miserable for Naruto to try to comfort him while Sasuke was the one in the wrong. And as always, the Uzumaki was lowering himself to make his friend feel better. It broke the Uchiha’s heart and glued it back together. He didn’t deserve someone as caring as Naruto.

“Sasuke…?” He softly called again while trying to read in his friend’s eyes.  
“Yes. I just… I wanted to apologize. That’s it. Good day.”

He wanted to go away and hide his shame in his bed again but this time, a warm hand stopped him. Wrapped around his wrist, Naruto’s fingers were bringing Sasuke closer to him.

“Where are you going?”  
“Home. Don’t you have an appointment with Sai?”  
“Yes. Later. And you can come.”  
“It’s okay… I have stuff to do anyway.”  
“Like what?” The Uzumaki asked, not convinced at all.

“Like go home and cry.” Sasuke thought. He knew his eyes were betraying him because he could feel the burn and the wetness agglomerate on the edge of his orbits. Naruto’s sight wasn’t giving him any respite. The blond pouted and crossed his arms on his chest. He looked like a spoiled brat who couldn’t get his way and Sasuke realized that he would never be able to not find his heart-shaped mouth not adorable.

“If you don’t want to come, just say it, Sasuke. I won’t be mad. However, I could be mad if you keep treating me like an idiot.” He pouted some more.  
“You’re not an idiot.”

Once more, Naruto looked at him in shock. They couldn’t remember the countless times Sasuke had called the Uzumaki “baka” but the brunette was sick of being mean to him. This was not the right approach for what he wanted to know.

“Thanks. For once that somebody says it.” Naruto joked as he found his composure again.  
“I didn’t want to be rude to you yesterday. That’s all I came to say. Thank you for not being mad.”  
“Honestly, if I had been mad every time you had been an ass you’d be dead already.”

Sasuke gasped. Naruto's serious face and his finger pointed on his chest in a menacing way made his heart bounce in his guts. Was he admitting that he was sick of his attitude?

“Wow. Sasuke.” He relaxed while observing his friend’s look. “I’m joking. Gosh, why are you so serious today? Is everything alright?”  
“Hm. I’m fine.”

Naruto scanned him some more but, as he couldn’t find anything on Sasuke’s face, he untied his arms and rested his large hand on his friend’s back and invited him to lunch. The Uchiha wasn’t feeling very mondaine but he accepted just to please the Uzumaki. This would be good for him to walk outside his comfort zone. Also, it would prove the blond that he was making some efforts for him. Which, when Sasuke thought about it, was true. No one could force him to lower his ego and apologize. No one but Naruto. 

Sasuke observed the way the bandages were clenching around the Jinchuuriki’s knuckles when he was holding the chopsticks. He felt guilty but was also amazed that his friend wasn’t mad about it. Naruto smiled at him and bumped his fist into his arm, right above the neat cut. He had been injured too. He wasn’t proud of that limp but at least, he was taking responsibilities for what he had done to the world and to his best friend.

After lunch, as he was about to leave the two men, Sasuke heard Naruto call him. The shinobi ran to reach his side and walk with him. They were heading to his apartment and the brunette pressed his lips in fear that the Jinchuuriki would want to go upstairs. His place was a mess and Itachi’s diaries were all over his bed, table and floor. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He said with a gentle voice. “You seem a little bit… off.”  
“I’m fine… I can assure you.”  
“Would you tell me if something was wrong?”

Sasuke took a deep breath. “Probably not,” he thought. Even if Naruto had not been involved in the way he was feeling, Sasuke always had troubles sharing his state of mind. Maybe because he wanted to stay quiet and not make too much noise. He had been too loud in the past and had wronged everyone. Now, he just wanted to be forgotten. But Naruto was still waiting for an answer and he couldn’t risk annoying him again.

“I would. I promise.”

Naruto smiled even though he knew Sasuke was lying. But it was okay because his friend had made the effort to lie to him, just so he could stop worrying. Before saying goodbye with a formal nod, Sasuke watched Naruto’s face getting closer. His heart started racing in his ribcage and it was like air was taken out of his lungs. He saw the beautiful nose, the full lips and the closed lids approaching and panicked. Sasuke thought he was about to faint when two strong arms wrapped around his neck and Naruto’s face landed on his shoulder. The Uzumaki hugged him gently for a minute. He was tall, broad, warm and so reassuring that it made all the ice surrounding Sasuke melt. Even if he was tense and confused, he couldn’t help but hum the sunny scent of Naruto’s skin. His blond hair was tickling the brunette’s nose and he could feel his wide chest rising as he breathed against him. He had no idea why and how they ended up like this and he had never thought he was able to show any kind of affection, but his valid arm naturally wrapped around him. His hand closed tight on Naruto’s orange jacket and Sasuke swallowed hard to maintain a sort of composure.

“I don’t know why I’m doing this…” Naruto whispered against his ear. “But I felt like you needed a hug.”

Unable to speak, Sasuke subtly clenched harder on Naruto’s jacket and he felt the cheeks spreading in a smile against his shoulder. After a light rub on his back, the blond let go of him and grinned. His face was slightly blushed but it was nothing compared to Sasuke’s. The Uchiha was about to thaw in a sticky and pink puddle. The Uzumaki didn’t say anything when he noticed the pearls of moved tears in his friend’s eyes. But he wetted his lips and Sasuke couldn’t help but follow the path of his tongue on the red skin.

“See you this week-end, huh?”

Sasuke nodded and they parted in silence. His heart was beating fast and there was nothing in the world that could bring him down now. He would tell him the truth. He would be honest, he swore it. Naruto, his precious friend, the love of his life, deserved to know what Sasuke felt. And maybe next time, the hug would come with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things may seem to be moving slow but... this is a slow-burn after all, right?  
> Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos already! You guys are the best!
> 
> xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there,
> 
> I had a pretty rough week-end so I couldn't update. But here it is. I hope you guys will enjoy it this 'and there was only one bed' cute and fluffy piece!  
> xx

It was the day of Sakura’s birthday. Sasuke had just taken a shower and was checking on his stuff for that mini trip. His personal tent was already packed and he rolled a thin sleeping bag and stuffed it in his backpack too. Naruto and him had not talked about sharing their tent again so he had assumed that the topic was off the table now. Sasuke didn’t want to be the only dumbass without any roof over his head. The last encounter with Naruto was still fresh in his head. His arms around his body and his breath in his neck had left the Uchiha completely dumbstruck. That simple embrace had oddly filled the hole in his chest, as if every touch from the blond could erase all the pain in the world. Though, Sasuke was afraid to see him again because nothing was certain. Things were slowly changing, as if Naruto felt that something was up with his best friend.

It was a daring project to hope that they would be together someday. For all he knew, Naruto was just a very caring person and he was considering Sasuke like he would to any of his other friends. The brunette was trying to ignore that thought every day because it couldn’t bring him any good. Especially when his feelings kept growing inside him. And he found himself guilty sometimes to think about Naruto as a lover without his permission… He had no idea how those stuff were supposed to happen. But didn’t Sakura longed for him for years? And nobody had said anything to her. The fact that they were both men was not important for Sasuke but he didn’t have any representations of male couples in the village… except for his brother. Maybe Naruto didn’t like men. Maybe he would be disgusted.

Sasuke sighed as he closed his backpack. Naruto would never reject him for that reason. He would stay his friend because he was open-minded and love and friendship were the most important things in his life. But if he didn’t reciprocate, something might break between them. That was what Sasuke feared the most. He could live without being with Naruto. He couldn’t live without him as a friend. 

The Uchiha checked if he had not forgotten anything and left his apartment. It was nine already and after a long day working with the Hokage, he was finally ready to join the party in the woods. Night had fallen over the village but the air was still warm. It was only the end of March but spring was early this year. They wouldn’t be too cold tonight. The buds in the trees were already blooming and the flowers made him think about his pink-haired friend. He hoped he wasn’t too late to the party. Showing Sakura he was doing his best to be there for her was important. It was one of those things he had never thought he would do one day. But now, the village’s safety was the only goal he had in mind and for that, he needed his friends in good shape. After all, weren’t they the Sannin now?

The shinobi walked into the woods and smelled the scent of the trees and the air charged with animals’ imprints. When he approached the campement, Sasuke could hear the laughters and cheerful bursts of voices. From afar, he saw the pretty lanterns they had hung in the branches around their tents. A chill from excitement shook his spine and he grinned a little. It had taken time for him to adjust to this new life in the village, but now he could officially say that it was good to be home.

He stood at the edge of the camp and watched them all, seated around the fire, sharing skewers of roasted fish and drinking beer. They were all here and some of them - Lee - were already drunk. Sasuke observed every one of them and the way their faces were so relaxed. The flames of the campfire were dancing on their rosy cheeks and wrinkled were crumpling the corner of their eyes. All these people had not grown up like he did, but they were brave and they had known war. Even if he had rejected them in the past, somehow, they were his brothers and sisters now. After a quick look at all of them, a flash of blond hair caught his attention on the other side of the circle.

Naruto was sipping on his bottle and enjoying a nice talk with Kiba. Both men were sitting back, feet crossed and sharing a plate of fried pork. It was rare to see all those shinobi together in peace. Sasuke put his stuff in a corner and walked to the pink-haired girl laughing with her friends not very far from where Naruto was seated. When she saw him, Sakura jumped on her feet and grabbed him by the neck. Sasuke stumbled a little but after the surprise, he decided to give the hug back and gently wrapped his arm around her. She seemed baffled too because she stopped moving for a moment before hugging him tighter.

“I’m so glad that you’re here!, Sasuke-kun” Sakura said with a bright smile on her face.  
“Happy birthday.” Sasuke said with a shy smile. “I brought you something even though Ino said no.”  
“I didn’t say no! I said that if you boys were bringing stupid gifts to just let me handle it!” The blond protested with a sulking pout.  
“That’s okay, Sasuke! Show me!” She urged.

The Uchiha cleared his throat and gave her a flat box. He hoped that no one would notice that little stage whisper because he did not like being the center of the attention. And also, he did not want to be caught giving a girl a gift, that was not very Sasuke-ish. But it was too late. A strong arm hooked his neck and forced him to bend with a snarky laughter.

“Sasuke! You’re here!”  
“Let me go, Naruto!” He weakly pushed him as he was trying to remain serious.

Naruto chuckled again and looked at Sakura opening her gift.

“Eh? We were supposed to bring gifts??” The blond yelled.  
“Usuratonkachi.”  
“It’s okay, Naruto”. Sakura answered with a kind smile while finally opening the box. “Oh!”

The birthday girl was holding a white and simple frame.

“What is it?!” Naruto asked as he was trying to peek above Sakura’s shoulder. “Ne, what is written, Sakura-chan?”  
“It’s the fourth clause of the Iryô-nin.” She smiled and read out loud: “Only those medic ninja who have mastered the Strength of a Hundred Technique of the ninja art Creating Rebirth are permitted to discard the above-mentioned laws.”

Naruto tilted his head to the side and pouted. Sasuke knew he had no idea why this was important for Sakura to be known for her skills and the fact that she raised herself to the highest rank as a medical kunoichi. If him and Naruto had always thought through rivalry, they had often forgotten how much it had meant for Sakura to be by their sides and prove that she was worth being in team seven. It was only after coming back to the village that he had realized what she had endured and how much she had suffered for the two men in her team. That gift was nothing on comparison to everything she had given him, but the sparkles in her eyes told Sasuke that he had aimed right.

Sakura tiptoed and hugged him again. The Uchiha let her do it and even leaned a little to deepen the embrace. He was seriously getting used being close to people. He would not look for the intimacy, but it wasn’t so triggering for him to be so open about human touch. The embrace lingered long enough for her to whisper in his ear:

“Thank you so much, it means a lot.”

And as he was about to respond, he felt a pull from behind and a growl he knew very well. Naruto was separating them, lips pressed and brows frowned. Sasuke noticed that he wasn’t wearing his shinobi headband and that his perfect blond hair was falling loose on his adorable face.

“Stop touching Sakura-chan! Pervert!”  
“Naruto!” She chuckled. “Are you still jealous of Sasuke-kun?”

He snorted and defied Sasuke with his usual heated glance. But the Uchiha stayed stoic. He tried to read into his friend’s eyes. Was he seriously jealous that Sakura and him were close? Why? Was he still in love with her? Sasuke sighed, despite the fact that he did not want to show any emotion and walked back to his stuff. He opened his bag in silence with trembling hands and tried to forget about what had just happened. But his heart was beating too fast and he had no idea why. Why would love be so physical?

Sasuke took out his tent and looked around for a spot to set his own camp. He walked to a secluded place in the woods and kneeled to plant the first nail. 

“He wants to be with Sakura. That’s why he did not want to sleep in the same tent.” He thought. 

Safely hidden in the darkness, Sasuke could look as sad as he felt. The first nail was in the ground but it felt like another one was piercing through his heart. He crawled to the other side and dug another hole. Suddenly, the whole atmosphere had shifted for him. Sasuke had wanted to use the opportunity of spending the evening with a relaxed Naruto to talk and probe his heart. But now, his plans were ruined. Not only that, but his whole life seemed to be falling apart. He had to take a clue when it was so obvious: Naruto liked girls and he was not interested in him.

Feeling his heart tightening in his chest, Sasuke sat on the ground and leaned his forehead on his knees. Why was it so painful and hard to accept? It was just love. He had never needed it before, he could live without. He _had_ to live without it because no one was interested in him anyway. He had pushed Sakura away and that amazing girl had finally understood that she deserved someone better than him. The only man he had ever loved was Naruto. And him too deserved so much better than the last Uchiha. A drop of cold sweat glided underneath his long sleeved t-shirt and he shivered, his fist clenching as he pictured his best friends happy without him. Sasuke had not realized that he was crying. It was only when he felt his nose running that he sniffled and wiped the thick tears on his cheeks. Why was he crying anyway?

“Sasuke?”

He jumped in surprise. Behind him, a tall shadow was standing, hands in his pocket, pointy hair standing out into the light. Sasuke couldn’t see his face as Naruto was positioned against the light. But he had heard the worry in his voice. Besides, as he was facing the fire beaming a few meters away, the Uzumaki could probably see the wetness on his face.

“Are you… crying?”

Sasuke swallowed heavily, wiped his eyes with his sleeve and started digging to plant his nails again.

“No.” He simply said, but the clogging in his throat was easily perceivable.

A silence followed but Naruto stayed there.

“I feel like an idiot. You should have told me you were bringing a gift.” The Uzumaki tried to change the subject.  
“She said it was okay.”  
“Do you want help?”

His voice was so gentle. Why would he be so gentle with him? Sasuke sighed and repeated: “No.” But Naruto was not leaving. He grabbed the tent and settled it himself even if Sasuke had refused his help. They both worked wordlessly and when Sasuke’s little home for the night was finally finished, Naruto turned to his friend and stared at him. But the Uchiha had no idea what to say or do. Was it the moment to admit he had feelings for him? He couldn’t do that after what Naruto had said. Was he supposed to be honest anyway, just out of respect? But what if Naruto rejected him and never wanted to be friends with him again? His head was spinning, he was sweating and he needed someone to guide him.

“Wanna grab a beer?” Naruto finally asked.  
“Yes. Please.”

The blond chuckled and they walked back to the fireplace. They sat back where Naruto had been earlier and the Uzumaki opened the beer bottle for Sasuke. The Uchiha watched him do it and he felt an exquisite warm feeling pooling in his stomach while redness spreaded on his cheeks. Was he going to blush every time Naruto was acting like a boyfriend even though it meant nothing for him? More likely than Sasuke was ready to admit. That sudden shift of emotions started to weigh on him. He couldn’t keep having these emotional rollercoasters for too long or he might faint from exhaustion.

The brunette took a long sip of his drink, hoping the alcohol would ease the pain and embarrassment of that night. But he certainly had to drink something stronger in order to relax. Naruto gave him a skewer and even prepared him a new and fresh one. As the fish was slowly roasting on the fire, Sasuke looked around him and watched them all enjoying the night, dancing to chants, throwing shurikens on a bottle transformed into an improvised target as they cheered loudly. His eyes landed back on Naruto. He had all the time in the world to observe the way his hair was falling loose on his temples. The locks on the front were almost touching his shoulders. Blue, red, yellow, green, orange… The lights of the rice-paper lanterns were reflecting on his beautiful face. 

Sasuke admired the way Naruto’s full lips were pouting when he was concentrating. He had long, blond lashes, the most exquisite jawline and eyes so blue they looked like lagoons. Sasuke’s heart fastened its cadence. He was burning from the inside just by watching his friend. And he must have been pretty lost in his thoughts because he had not realized that Naruto was handing him a freshly roasted skewer.

“Sasuke?”  
“Uh? Oh. Sorry. Thanks.”

He grabbed it, being very cautious not to touch Naruto’s hand. If the sight of him was drawing something like that out of him, what would it be if he actually touched him? The Uzumaki smiled at him but he had that same look from the other night. Sasuke wasn’t fooling him, he knew that something was up. They ate and drank in silence, their knees bumping into one another from time to time. If Sasuke was trying to control the chills crossing his spine every time that happened, Naruto didn’t seem to notice. 

But the more beer the Uchiha drank, the less aware of things he was. He had thought that he needed sake, but the truth was that Sasuke wasn’t used to drink. And after four bottles of beer he had sipped while watching everyone having fun, his senses were kind of… altered. For the first time in years, his sight had gone blurry and he could feel tingles running through his fingers, legs and toes. It was a good sensation. A freeing one.

Taken by the cheerfulness of the moment, Sasuke clapped as he watched Lee and Kiba wrestle on the floor. When Lee buried the Inuzuka’s head in the sandy ground with a smile, Naruto stood and raised his bottle in the air. As if he was being baptized, Lee kneeled before him and let the Uzumaki pour beer directly into his mouth. They all laughed and cheered the shinobi in the green suit.

“Naruto!” Sakura shouted. “Do not make him drink too much! You know how it is when he’s drunk!’  
“Come on Sakura-chan! Let the man celebrate! We’re all here and he’s safe.”  
“I’m just saying, be careful.”

Naruto chuckled some more and asked if anyone wanted to fight him. But after rotating on his feet to find his victim, he tilted his head to the side and everybody laughed with him. Sasuke’s mouth curled up with glee. They all knew what Naruto was capable of. And it was such a change to see them all fear and admire him while fifteen years ago, they would laugh at him for being a loser, Sasuke included. Now, the Uchiha was the only one up to the challenge. But Naruto didn’t turn to his friend to ask him for a fight. It was a common and unspoken agreement: they would not engage combat. Battle was something very personal between them and they wanted to keep things to themselves.

“Are you having fun?” Naruto asked after sitting back in their little corner.  
“Yes. This almost makes me forget what our real lives look like.”  
“Those are our real lives, Sasuke. The good and the bad, they are real.”

The Uchiha turned to face the shinobi. They both stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, dumbstruck. If they had been boyfriends, now would have been the perfect time to lean and seal their lips. But even under the starlight, seated by the fire, surrounded by their friends and their fingers now unexpectedly tangled on the ground between them, Sasuke couldn’t do that. He wasn’t allowed to do that.

Before Naruto could say something, Sasuke broke their eye-contact and focused on the fire crackling in front of him. The dry wood was turning into coal and the smell of ashes was surrounding them. The brunette tried to focus on the creaking of the logs and branches in the furnace but he could still feel the burn of the Uzumaki’s glare upon him. It was sweeping on his forehead, the straight line of his nose, the height of his cheekbone and now, gliding down his throat. Sasuke swallowed heavily, pearls of chills blooming on the surface of his milky skin. What if Naruto saw it? Well, then what? What would Naruto do? Nothing. Because Sasuke had not faulted.

Around them, the others were still unbridled and you could see how little enjoyment they would usually get. This was a free night and a rare one where they could all gather to celebrate something joyful. While Sasuke was trying to distract himself from Naruto’s presence, the blond had not stopped looking at him. Starting to feel uncomfortable, Sasuke was about to leave when something unexpected popped the little bubble the two men were locked in.

“Sakuraaaa!” Ino yelled with her usual loud voice. “Someone’s here to see you!”

Everyone turned to see who was the new guest. It was a brown-haired man nobody but Ino seemed to know. Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a look after seeing Sakura walking to the man. The kunoichi looked embarrassed, her pale cheeks blushing and her eyelids flustering.

“Morio-san.” She says with a shy smile.

The man saluted her and scratched the back of his head, aware that everyone was watching his every move. 

“Happy birthday, Sakura-san. Ino invited me, I hope it’s okay.”  
“Of course it’s okay!” Ino answered for her friend, pushing the two shinobi to sit in a secluded corner.  
“Ino!” Sakura protested, her cheeks blushing even more.

In a common agreement, Sasuke and Naruto stood and crossed their arms. Naruto, with his usual discretion, walked to the couple and cleared his throat. If Sasuke hated being the center of the attention and showing his muscles, this time, it was Sakura’s honor which was at stake. A sense of responsibility bloomed inside him and he had no idea why, he needed to know who this man was, what was his shinobi rank and, of course, what his intentions were toward the Haruno girl. 

Their menacing shadows seemed even more threatening as the flames behind them made their frames larger and darker. As soon as he noticed that Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke were overhanging him with an intimidating look, Morio jumped on his feet with the sorriest look you could ever get. His hands shaking, the young man looked for his words as the two shinobi were sending electrifying glares toward him.

“Who are you?” Naruto spat out, his index pointed at Morio’s chest.  
“I am, a- eh…”  
“Guys!” Sakura stood up for herself with that look that said ‘do not cross me’. “Leave Morio-san alone, he’s a friend. We met during the war.”

Both Naruto and Sasuke growled in discontent but stayed there. Sasuke looked through Morio with his Rinnegan and restrained himself to make a comment about that average-looking shinobi. Sakura deserved better. But the glance the birthday girl sent him made his whole body stiffen. He wasn’t allowed to make a comment and he understood it very well by the way she was looking at him. Tails between their legs, the two ninja went back to their corner, brooding and grumbling. “What was she doing with him anyway?” Sasuke thought. He was easy on the eye, but not as much as any of the guys from Konoha. They didn’t even know if he was a good fighter. Naruto seemed to share the same opinion.

“Who is this guy?” He mumbled.  
“I don’t know. I thought you and Sakura were close.” Sasuke replied with an accusative tone.  
“Well, I thought she was still in love with you!” Naruto retorted.

Silence fell on them again. He was worried and acting possessive toward Sakura as a big brother. But was it the same for Naruto? Maybe he was currently heart-broken. Sasuke couldn’t risk looking at him now. And why weren’t they aware of what was happening between the kunoichi and that man?

“Because she thought you were two brutes who would try to ruin everything.”

The snarky voice was coming from their left. Next to a giggling Ino, Sai was looking at them with his usual mocking smile. 

“What? Us? Ruining things for Sakura-chan? We would never!” Naruto protested.  
“Look what you did five minutes earlier!” Ino replied, her arms crossed on her chest.   
“And you knew?” Sasuke asked Sai.  
“I guess I’m easier to talk to.”  
“Also, he’s the only one with a girlfriend, so he can understand.” The Yamanaka added with her tongue out.

The mumble resumed and both shinobi sent electric vibes to the newly formed couple on the other side of the fireplace. Ino wasn’t being so sassy with him when she was all about ‘Sasuke-kun’, the Uchiha thought. They were all moving on. Sai with Ino, Shikamaru with Temari, Sakura with that guy… Sasuke glanced on his right and looked at Naruto’s profile. The campfire was running dry and it was getting darker. Though, Naruto’s beauty was never fading. He was so pretty and enticing that the Uchiha couldn’t stop himself from leaning against him and rested his head on his shoulder. And the most amazing part was that Naruto let him do it. He had no idea if that was the product of his imagination, but Sasuke could swear he had heard the Jinchuuriki sigh with appeasement. 

“I’m tired.” Naruto whispered after a long moment of peaceful silence.

They could feel the warm breeze through their hair and the leaves above their heads rustle. It was a soothing noise. Around them, little animals of the night were starting to come out of their nests while the group of friends was slowly getting quieter. Ino and Sai had already disappeared into their tent. His blood still charged with a certain percentage of alcohol, Sasuke felt weaker than ever. The frontier between what was real and what was inside his head was very thin.

He was also tired from a long week of boring missions. His chakra and eyes had been put to good use and all the stress was getting out of his system, making him dizzy and sleepy. Now that he was coiled against the man he loved, all Sasuke could do was hope it would mean something to him too. He shifted a little to find a better angle and his fingers met Naruto’s again. This time, he laid his palm on the back of the blond’s hand. And he let him do that too. 

“We should go to sleep.” Naruto murmured after a long yawn.  
“Hm… don’t you wanna… stay a little longer?”

Naruto turned slightly to look at his friend but Sasuke was resignedly looking at their feet. The Uchiha could feel the air coming out of Naruto’s nose and landing on top of his head. He had no idea why he had said that, but it was out there and he could not take it back.

“I lent my tent to Lee, anyway.”

Did it mean what Sasuke thought it meant?

“Oh.”   
“Come on.”

Naruto was already up, pulling Sasuke on his feet and taking his delicate wrist in his large hand to drag him away from the central area. His brain clouded by alcohol and love, the Uchiha followed the mane of blond hair through the woods. His body was incredibly limpy and he crashed into the Jinchuuriki several times before being pushed inside his tent. He fell, face on the thin mat they had installed earlier. Before he could even turn around, the heavy and broad frame of Naruto landed on his back with a gasp and a chuckle before rolling on the side. They growled with content to finally be in a horizontal position. Now laying on his back, Sasuke pushed his feet out of his shoes and yawned in annoyance at the idea that he had to take his pants off. He couldn't possibly sleep in them, they were too uncomfortable.

Next to him, the blond seemed to have more composure. He was sitting, taking off his white t-shirt and started to unzip his black pants. Sasuke could clearly see him, even if it was dark. The broadness of his shoulders, the shape of his pectorals, his long and thick neck, the soft spike of a pink nipple and the exquisite line of dark blond hairs under his navel… Naruto was so hot. He was everything he had ever desired and Sasuke realized how in love he was with everything that made Naruto who he was. If he could not touch, at least, he would look at him.

“Aren’t you undressing?” He asked with another adorable yawn.  
“I can’t. Too hard.”

The Uzumaki giggled and leaned a little to take care of him. Sasuke blushed and thanked the heavens for the regular eyes they had given to the shinobi. In no time, the Uchiha was bare chest and his pants were down his long and pale legs. Feeling Naruto’s hands on his calves, the warmth of his chest getting closer to him when he was pulling his clothes down… He had no idea how in the world he wasn’t hard yet.

“You’re good now.”  
“Thanks.”

Sasuke squirmed and stretched, feeling every muscle releasing some tensions and oxygenating themselves. It was good, almost heavenly, especially when a yawn came right after, plunging him deeper into fogginess. Naruto pulled the sleeping bag on them but they laughed as they realized it was way too small for the both of them. After trying to find a good enough position, Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to forget that he was laying next to the man who made his heart explode in his chest. But as he was about to let slumber take him, he felt one large palm landing on his stomach and a warm breath on his face. He opened his eyes right before Naruto crashed his lips on his. 

Time stopped. 

When Sasuke finally realized what was happening, his whole body stiffened. It was clumsy, a bit dry and none of them moved. Sasuke was paralysed, confused and shivering. His heart beat so fast that he could hear it in his ears. It was warm, shy and sleepy and Sasuke’s lips started to tingle. Naruto pressed his mouth with gentleness, gave him another soft kiss and lied down, his head landing in the crook of Sasuke’s neck. A snore was already escaping his nose and his breath was warming the small space between them. The Uchiha stared at the roof of the tent and wondered if he had just hallucinated.

In silence and after making sure Naruto was asleep, Sasuke’s fingers flew to his mouth. He touched it, tried to get a little bit of that feeling he had had when Naruto had kissed him… Had he, though? Or was Sasuke really that drunk? Thoughts were bouncing in his brain and he could not think straight. After a long time mulling over everything, slumber finally took him. But his night was short. When he opened his eyes again, he noticed that it was still dark outside. He was cold, shivering now that it was the middle of the night. 

Sasuke sat and realized he was in his underwear with almost nothing to cover him. He wrapped his arms around himself and remembered that he was not alone in that tent. But when he turned to check on Naruto, the blond was not here anymore. Sasuke frowned and his disappointment fell in his guts like a rock. Had he left? Why? Was Sasuke being too clingy? Had he talked in his sleep and confessed his love? Was it about the kiss that probably did not even happen? Or maybe Naruto had never been there after all. Sasuke rubbed his face and growled in frustration. All of this love thingy was too hard for him. He was not made for human relationships, and this was the ultimate proof. He should stay with snakes and hawks. At least, they were good and faithful companions. 

The young shinobi moaned in despair for being so naive about everything lately. But as he was massaging his hurting temples, the tent opened again and a half-naked Naruto jumped in with a huge blanket in his arms. Sasuke watched him as he slithered inside the shelter that was quite small for those two grown men and tried to spread the blanket all over them. When he realized that Sasuke was up and staring at him, Naruto’s eyes balled in surprise:

“Oh, you’re awake!”  
“I was cold. And you weren’t there anymore.”  
“I was fetching for a blanket. It’s freezing now.”  
“Why haven’t you put on your clothes before going out?” Sasuke asked with a tone of despair.  
“Oh, I haven’t thought about it.”

Naruto giggled, and it was enough to tenderize the frozen heart of the Uchiha. He was stupid. But he was _his_ stupid. The brunette lied down again and sighed with relief now that he was under the warm cover. He turned slightly on his side to find a more comfortable position and his feet accidentally bumped into Naruto’s naturally warm calf. The Jinchuuriki jumped and squeaked and gave him a horrified look.

“What?” Sasuke asked, panicked.  
“Your feet! They are freezing!”  
“Oh that… I’m always like that.”  
“For someone with fire chakra nature, you sure are not a very warm person.” He joked.

But in his current state, Sasuke was not very eager to joke about it. He knew he was socially awkward and that it was probably braking his relationships with others. But he was trying, hard actually. Like right now. Being so close to Naruto and making efforts to be a good friend. It was tough because he had no idea how to do things right. “Stay yourself”, Naruto would say. But he had no idea who he really was and how in the world you were supposed to find that answer. 

Sasuke couldn’t finish his mental gamble because he felt two legs pull him on the side and cage his cold feet between them. “Naruto what-” He was shut up with a finger on his lips. Confused, eyes balling in surprise, Sasuke almost lost the faculty to breathe. Sheltered between Naruto’s calves, his toes were slowly warming up, and so did his cheeks.

“Naruto…” He couldn’t help but plead with a shy voice.  
“You’re gonna catch a cold, baka.”

In the darkness, the Uchiha concentrated his chakra into his eyes so he could observe his beautiful friend lying on his back, his eyes wide open and his cute whiskers stretching in a smile. He would give anything to know what was going on in his brain right now. They had never been physically close like that… like two people flirting together. Was it possible that Naruto was…? He could not allow himself to believe it. The Uzumaki was just a warm person. And it was confirmed when he said:

“I’m glad that we share this friendship, Sasuke. I feel like with you, I can be myself. Have doubts, fears… I’m not ashamed of that when we’re together.”

At first, Sasuke wanted to pretend he was asleep, just because the word ‘friendship’ was too painful to hear. But he couldn’t let Naruto confess like that and give him silence as an answer. Even if they had talked about things, moments suspended in time like this were rare and precious. It wasn’t like they were used to make confidences. They were two young men in desperate search for belonging. And to be honest with himself, Sasuke was also feeling that sentiment of safety with Naruto. The only difference was that he was in love with him.

“Me too. I feel it…”  
“I hope you do.” Naruto smiled confidently. 

As a reward, the Jinchuuriki rubbed Sasuke’s feet with his legs and shivered from the coldness. It made the brunette embarrassed but he couldn’t part from him. It was too good even if it didn’t mean for Naruto what it meant for him.

“Sasuke… I heard about your old home. I know they’re gonna destroy the Uchiha compound.”

The young shinobi had not publicly talked about this yet. He had kept the wound hidden inside him because he did not want to disturb anyone and because he had thought no one would care. The Uchiha had been parias. The fact that their homes were eradicated to build new ones probably didn’t bother the villagers of Konoha. But when he looked at Naruto and saw the single tear glide down his temple, his heart tightened.

“Why are you crying?” He asked with a flat tone.  
“Because it’s not fair.” Naruto whispered and sniffled. “Because I think you’ve suffered enough and now you have to say goodbye again.”

Sasuke had no idea what to say. His heart was aching but he was not going to cry in front of Naruto. He had grieved, alone in his tiny apartment. He had found a little bit of joy when he had discovered Itachi’s diaries and for now, it had been enough to carry on. But Naruto didn’t seem to be finished.

“I want you to know that if you need to talk… or if you want me to protest to those old prunes from the village council… I will. I tried with Kakashi-sensei but he told me it was no use.”  
“Kakashi is not responsible for that. And anyway… This place is an open grave. I can understand why they want to get rid of it.”  
“But this was your home.” He protested, now looking at him with frowned brows.  
“I know. It hurts but… I can’t let that ruin everything I worked for, you know?”

Without looking at him, Sasuke could feel his friend nodding and spinning to lay on his side. Now, they were both facing each other. Naruto was struggling to see exactly what was in front of him but Sasuke smiled when he noticed his little nose wrinkling and his tongue slipping out of his mouth to concentrate.

“Don’t mock me, teme.”  
“I haven’t said anything.”  
“I can hear your stupid lips moving.”  
“My lips are not stupid.” He retorted.

This time, it was Naruto’s turn to smile. But instead of saying something like the smart-ass he usually was, the blond shinobi found his former spot against Sasuke’s throat and rested his head right there. The Uchiha tensed a little as Naruto’s breath drew chills all over his skin. His small nose was grazing against his jugular and he had brought his body very close to Sasuke to be able to touch him like this. That’s when the brunette remembered they were half-naked. “It’s just to get warm”, he tried to tell himself. But no shinobi had ever done that.

“I’m gonna be there for you… just call me… and I’ll be there.” Naruto whispered.

Sasuke sighed but stayed speechless. His chin was resting on top of his friend’s head but his arm was stupidly stuck between them. He had no idea what to do with it and where to put it. The small tent was filled with Naruto's smell. It intoxicated the Uchiha who felt every part of his being profoundly drawn to his best friend. He thought about the Uzumaki’s words. Maybe he would never lose him even if Naruto was not in love with him. Maybe they could have this weird friendship. Maybe he could share him with someone else. That last thought was a little bit more painful than the rest. Because it wasn’t just having the soul while the other woman would have the flesh… Naruto would give everything to his other half. For now, Sasuke was this other half, the moon to his sun, the Yin to his Yang. If Naruto were to fall in love with someone else, Sasuke would be the _other man_. 

That thought tightened his heart and he pressed his lids so hard together that he hurt himself a little. Maybe he could tell him that something was changing inside him and that he needed the Uzumaki to be patient with him until he’d be ready to confide. Feeling his heart racing in his chest and the excess of saliva filling his mouth, Sasuke took a deep breath and opened his mouth before withdrawing out of fear.

“Naruto?” He whispered. But the Jinchuuriki was already deeply asleep, his heavy body now leaning on Sasuke. With a sigh and a knot in his stomach, Sasuke laid a peck on top of Naruto’s wild blond hair and wrapped his valid arm around him. He would try another day. 

Skin to skin, the two men both exhaled with bliss as warmth and safety was sheltering them. And if he wasn’t this tired, Sasuke could have swore he had felt Naruto lay a little kiss at the birth of his shoulder. But he didn’t...did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos as usual!  
> I'm really curious about what you guys think so far!
> 
> xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> I am so late with this update, I'm sorry. Idk why I'm apologising for since I didn't promise anything but I just don't like to keep you guys waited. So, as a proper apology, this chapter is a long one. I hope you'll enjoy the spice!
> 
> xx

“Maybe this one… or that one..?” Sasuke mumbled.

Surrounded by books and stationary materials, the Uchiha was comparing two notebooks with leather covers. One of them was black, the other one was dark purple. Since Sakura’s birthday, he had not stopped thinking about Naruto and the way the party had ended for them. His arms around him, his lips so close to his bare skin, their late night talk.... this had to mean something right? They were getting closer… if that was even possible. 

Since he could not tell anyone about it, he had finally decided to write his thoughts down, just like Itachi had done it in the past. It had helped his brother and even if he had had a baneful destiny, he knew that the things he had written about his lover had helped him to cope with the overwhelming situation they had faced. Sasuke had no secret for Naruto but being that honest was still tricky. Maybe he could find the courage to tell him about his feelings someday. But for now, he needed to pick a journal. That was his first step.

The young man opened the black one, felt the pages under the pulp of his fingers and brought the little book to his face to smell the scent of the brand new paper. It was a beautiful piece of craft made by the family who owned the store. Sasuke liked the golden details on the edges of the flexible leather covers. He thought about all the things he could write inside and decided that he needed a new pen to go with it. As if his whole writing kit had to be sacred or something.

While the Uchiha was carefully looking at all the pens the shop had, his skilled eyes bumped into two turquoise orbs observing him from the other side of the aisle. He straightened up and stared at the girl with pink hair in front of him. His cheeks blushed and mouth pressed but he tried to not show that he was embarrassed to find her while he was choosing his secret notebook. Sakura looked at what he had in his hand and smiled.

“Good morning, Sasuke-kun.”  
“Hi…” He cleared his throat.  
“What are you doing here?” Sakura asked when she was finally by his side.  
“Just buying some supplies.”  
“I love this store. The owners are so kind! I hope to see you tomorrow, we’re going to eat ramen with Naruto and Sai!”  
“Sure, I’ll be there.”

Sakura walked with him through the store and helped him pick a pen. It was a black one with golden details too. “To go with your notebook”, she said with a knowing look and her index pointing up. He had smiled and listened to her because it was a good thing to be with a woman like Sakura. She knew how details were important to Sasuke and didn’t ask much questions now that she knew he had a secret garden. The two friends strolled through the science alley and the kunoichi grabbed several medicine books.

“Tsunade makes me work so hard. I’ve got to stay on top of my game, you know?”  
“I’m sure you are.”

She giggled with her head tilted to the side and he wondered what was so funny about what he’d said. But that was just Sakura. She was finding things funny, beautiful and nice even though they were random. 

“So, are you still seeing that guy?” He asked, utterly curious.  
“Morio-kun?” She blushed.  
“Oh, it’s kun now?” He teased her.  
“Come on, Sasuke-kun!” She chuckled and hit him gently on the shoulder. “I couldn’t stay focused on you much longer. He’s a nice man, you know? I healed him during the war. Of course I got to know him better, but his presence makes everything so… easy. And unproblematic.”

Sasuke mumbled and understood that all of this must have been one hell of a change for Sakura. The young woman was now free of her obsession with him and she was on the right path to find a true and healthy relationship with a man who only wanted to be good to her. Even if he was still a bit suspicious about that Morio guy, he had not sensed one ounce of bad vibe coming from him. Sasuke found himself being happy for Sakura. He wished he could work on himself and find the strength to be more like her.

“Don’t make that sad face.” The kunoichi said, her hand now cupping his cheek like a mother would. “You and Naruto are my boys. I’ll always love you unconditionally.”

They ended up in a curry restaurant and shared lunch, just the two of them. It was a nice change to be with her and talk about life without Naruto and Sai being loud next to them. But as nice as it was to be in Sakura’s company, Sasuke could only think of one thing: going home to write the first words in his very own diary. Sakura looked at him with that curious gaze of her as he hastily said goodbye after their lunch. Sasuke rushed home, tingles starting to spread in his body. He was excited. About what? He had no idea yet, but something felt good. Like a new beginning, a chance to do things right with Naruto.

When he was finally seated on his kitchen chair and looking at the white page in front of him, he felt kind of lost. How were you supposed to start this?

“Come on, it’s not that hard.” He said for himself.

But the words didn’t come. His brain was focused on the ‘tic, tic’ of his clock on the wall. For now, all Sasuke had scribbled was the date of today. Maybe that was enough. Maybe that would show his true personality: he had tried and failed. But he was a new Sasuke. And it meant that he would try again tomorrow and the day after that, until he’d manage to be honest with himself. Since the end of the war, Sasuke had worked on his old habits to get rid of them. He had to be patient with people and with himself. 

It took more than a week for Sasuke to finally be able to write something in his diary. After days staring at that white page, the lines finally moved in his brain. He had felt inspired after bumping into Naruto as both men were walking home, exhausted by their day of work. The Uzumaki was back from a mission outside of the village and Sasuke had spent the entire day analyzing some secret texts with his Rinnegan. They had strolled around town together, talked about their assignments and had shared a skewer of teriyaki chicken on their way home. 

That night, nothing really special had happened. It was just two best friends finding some time to catch up and discuss their daily lives. But the lights of the rice paper lanterns had reflected in Naruto’s big blue eyes and it had made everything around Sasuke blurry. Naruto had had a soft and tired smile and his hand had brushed against Sasuke’s several times by accident. It had been enough to push the Uchiha a little further and make him write his first lines. Now coiled in his bed, the young man was reading over and over what he had written. His heart was beating fast with emotion.

“ _ Each day passes, I’m watching the sun setting down and realize that I still haven't found the courage to talk to you. I don’t think I’m not brave enough to tell you that I love you. I’m just not brave enough to live a life where you’re not my one and only. You’re everything I care for and nothing left is keeping me in this existence if it’s not for you. You saved me several times and gave me a reason to be alive. I want to see you thrive, surrounded and happy. I also wish that you’d feel the same about me, but I know I can’t expect you to guess what I’m thinking. But what if I miss my chance?  _ _ Naruto, I want to be your legs when you can’t run, your shoulders when the world becomes too heavy, your eyes to make you see farther and your hands when you need to fight. You have nothing to fear as long as I am by your side. One day, I’ll be able to tell you how much you mean to me and how in love I am with every particle of your being. Maybe it’ll make you happy, maybe it’ll make you mad. All I hope is that it won’t make you sad. _ ”

Now closing his eyes to find slumber, Sasuke’s thoughts were bouncing in his head. He had finally found the trick to let go of his restraint and write shamelessly. All he had to do was imagine Naruto standing in front of him. What would he say to him if there was no shame in being in love with your best friend? What would he dare to express if there weren't consequences? 

It had worked miracles and it was only the beginning. Day after day, Sasuke sat at his kitchen table and wrote to the Uzumaki the words he was not able to voice. Sometimes, they reflected the sadness of being alone, sometimes, he spoke about how happy his day had been by Naruto’s side, sometimes, he was just repeating how much he loved him in every possible manner. As his pen was gliding on the soft pages that were now filled with black ink, Sasuke found himself soothed. His heart was more at peace than ever.

That new and freeing spirit helped him get through his shyness in real life. Sasuke was not ashamed to systematically sit next to Naruto at gatherings anymore. He liked to speak in his ear, let him play with his hand and even leaned on him when he was tired. A new complicity was building up between the two men and even if they never mentioned love, Sasuke was happy about how things were turning out. For the rest… he could always write about it.

One night, after taking a long and hot shower, Sasuke sat on his bed and felt that his body needed something more. He had no idea if that was the frustration of not going outside for his missions or the fact that he had not seen Naruto in days, but he needed release. His blood was boiling in his veins and he knew that he would not be able to fall asleep if he didn’t yield to his needs. 

After much hesitation, Sasuke grabbed a bottle of lotion inside his drawer and In silence switched off his bed-side lamp. In silence, the young man slithered under the blankets and sighed. Why was he so embarrassed about this? It was not like he had never done it or that he was shy in bed anyway.

The truth was that Sasuke was not a fan of masturbation and he had not done it a lot… but his body was requesting to blow off some steam. His hand now in his underwear, he started rubbing his long fingers around his length, already half-hard. A few caresses were enough to make him completely stiff and ready to pump faster. The sensation was nice, warm, familiar and he regretted not doing it more often. But every time he closed his eyes, Sasuke could see the face of his best friend. Naruto was smiling with that relaxed grin, his long, frontal blond locks brushing his cheeks, blue hooded-eyes and his delicious mouth half-opened.

Sasuke moaned against his will and tried to shut down his brain and concentrate on the burning in his loins. But the sight of Naruto behind his lids was the reason it was so good. His cock was throbbing, leaking from the tip and he arched when he was reminded of a half-naked Naruto from last Summer when they had all gone to bathe in the river. The sight of him, so tanned and perfectly carved like a statue had disrupted Sasuke. Thanks to his eyes, the Uchiha was able to play the scene over and over again. Even if he was trying to block them, the images kept popping inside his brain. Naruto, running half naked on the surface of the river, chased by Akamaru, his perfect body and his loud laugh… Sasuke’s teeth dug deep in his lip.

His sheets damp from the sweat and entangling with his legs, Sasuke pushed on the bed bars with his feet as waves of pleasure were surging through his whole body. He was ashamed of himself, but nothing could stop his hand from moving around his tip, rendered so sensitive that he had to muffle himself in his pillow to not scream out loud. For a moment, the Uchiha wished he still had two hands to touch himself somewhere else. The frustration grew bigger as he pulled on his dick and cried a little from the brutal sensation. 

Tinglings ran through his limbs and made him lose his mind. When he finally came in his hand, his brain emptied itself from doubts and he thought that he could only find bliss in Naruto’s arms. He was shivering on his bed, his chest rising up and down as if he had just run a marathon. He wiped his forehead and went immediately to the bathroom to take another shower. Under the steam, Sasuke realized how much he had wanted to share that moment with someone and be used to someone else’s pleasure too. He wasn’t sure that was a healthy response to self-touching. Especially since he couldn’t possibly ask his friend to relieve him.

After the shock and the long time he took to calm his body, Sasuke ended up at his kitchen table again. He was holding his pen as firmly as ever. He took a sip of the tea he had just made and started writing. This time, the words were flooding out of him as if he had done it his entire life. It wasn’t a casual confession like he had written so many times. Sasuke was depicting exactly what had been going on in his mind when he had been touching himself. The more he wrote about it, the more his heart fastened its pace.

He was still feeling warm from the treatment he had given himself and the tingling woke up in his loins again. All he knew was that he needed to write about it. He needed to let those thoughts out of his mind and not haunt and frustrate him anymore. Sasuke felt inhabited by a strange presence. When he was drawing the kanas, it was like he could feel Naruto’s hands, his mouth, his tongue and even his breath on him, as if the shinobi was really here. Sasuke realized he could imagine Naruto in every position or saying every kind of naughty stuff to him, no one would ever judge him. It was his brain, his fantasies and he was allowed to all sorts of dreams. The Uchiha bit his lip as he was writing about the way his body was stiffening when he was touching Naruto, the sound of his voice when pleasure was hitting him and the taste of his skin that Sasuke was desperate to kiss.

When he finally let go of the pen, the sky was turning light blue. It was morning and he had written all night long about him and Naruto. Several stories, more or less long, and all of them involving sex. It was obscene, shameful, like nothing he had ever read, seen or even less, experienced. His past sexual experiences had been nothing like what he was picturing would happen if him and Naruto would sleep together.

He had nothing planned that morning and went finally to bed with his diary in his arms. Now, the pages were half-filled with love letters and filthy stories… but in a way, those steamy tales were also a declaration of love. He opened the diary one last time and let those lines he had just written rock him to sleep:

“ _ Your hands are around my throat and you hold me down. I like it when you’re bossing me around, showing me how much it is possible to love and be loved. I want to lick your face, your entire chest and bite every inch of your body just to tell everyone you are mine. When you finally free me from your tender grip, my lips go down on your body and I immediately take your stiff cock in my mouth. It’s so big, warm, hard… All I want is to suck it until you can’t even remember your name and only go by mine when you shout how much you love me back. Your hand is in my hair and you pull me and push me against your dick, imposing your own rhythm and I love that. You watch as your big cock enters into my mouth. I know you love when I lick the tip, Naruto. But I’m making you wait just enough so when I suckle on your glans, you’re on the verge of an orgasm. This time, I want you to come into my mouth. I want to taste you and how sweet and warm you are. You don’t want to hurt me, but I pull you closer so you can fuck my face. And you’re losing yourself against my tongue when you hit the stars and bury yourself deep inside my mouth. Your cum is all around my chin, on my tongue and down my throat and I take it all, because I want all of you. I want you to lean on me and be my partner for the good things and the bad things too. You look at me and whisper that you love me and my heart is full. _ ”

Sasuke blushed. Writing those lines had been so natural he had not realized how naughty he could be. He was discovering a new part of himself. One that wasn’t ashamed of feeling alive and needing human connection. And it was all thanks to Naruto.

————-

Against his will, Sasuke was teaching at the academy for a month. Kakashi was tired of seeing him wandering around his office looking for an outside mission and decided he was better teaching the kids. Sasuke had protested loudly, especially because Naruto was sent outside all the time. “But you’re not Naruto,” his former sensei had answered. “I can’t send Uchiha Sasuke to democratic missions. You’re not exactly welcomed everywhere.”

He had a point. With a past like his, Sasuke wasn’t what you could call good news. Konoha wanted to shine abroad and Naruto was exactly the right messenger. In a way, it made Sasuke even prouder. As if he could shine in the Uzumaki’s shadow. His friend deserved all the love and admiration in the world and if he had to suffer a little, then so be it. 

Now, Sasuke was walking every morning to the ninja academy and teaching the younglings about the shinobi martial arts. He had begged Kakashi to assign him to the classes with the oldest students because he had thought that he would not be able to take care of four years olds. One thing was certain though: when he was teaching, the Uchiha didn’t have time to daydream. Those children were pieces of work. They needed to be watched all the freaking time. Good thing that some of them were gifted with powerful skills.

As he watched two boys training with shurikens, Sasuke thought about all the things he could do instead of being here. Even his lunch seemed more promising than being here. It wasn’t like him to neglect his shinobi missions, but it felt like his talent was wasted here. The brunette rearranged his cape to cover his arm properly - he did not want to scare the kids - and walked among them to correct their positions. He stopped behind a red-head youngling he had noticed and watched him throw a shuriken and completely miss the target. His position was off, his arm lacked strength and it seemed like he wasn’t even calculating the trajectory of the blade. Sasuke knew somebody else who had been just as bad as him at this age. So he decided not to be too harsh with him and instead, he took his hand and showed him exactly how it was supposed to be done.

When the blade hit the center of the target with force, the kid spun on his little feet and looked at Sasuke with tears in his big green eyes.

“Thank you so much Sasuke-sensei!” He shouted and frantically bowed several times.  
“Don’t thank me. Work hard until you can achieve this by yourself.”  
“Yes, sensei!”

And the kid resumed his training, brows frowned, nose wrinkled and his little tongue peeking as he concentrated. Sasuke smiled and sat on a bench. He opened his backpack and took a sip of water. Naruto should be back from his next mission soon. They could meet and grab a bite somewhere. This thought made butterflies flap their wings in his stomach. The Uzumaki had been out for four days now. It wasn’t much but Sasuke missed him. And that wasn’t new either. In fact, the Uchiha missed Naruto everytime the Jinchuuriki was not looking at him or breathing the same air. So, you could say he was pretty much a wreck.

“What will I do when Naruto will find someone?” He thought.

The apprehension was driving him crazy. Because if he did not make a move, that unfortunate situation might happen. And if he did make a move and Naruto didn’t respond… well, he knew he was doomed to love him forever and watch him love somebody else. His existence couldn’t be that sad, could it? Hasn’t he suffered enough?

Sasuke gave all of the kids a nod when the training session ended and told them to practice more for tomorrow. He still had a course with younger children in the afternoon but now, all he wanted to do was to take a break and eat his lunch in silence (and think about Naruto). He climbed the stairs and found his old classroom. The desks - that looked so tiny now -, the chalkboard, the big windows, the little benches… Everything had remained the same. He sat at his former seat and looked around. It was weird to be here alone, without Naruto screaming in his ears. Sasuke smiled and felt some kind of closure inside him, as if the wounds were slowly healing. 

When he took his bento out of his bag, Sasuke noticed his notebook. He smiled and slightly blushed. The Uchiha had taken the habit to carry the diary everywhere with him. He wasn’t writing porn when he was outside, of course. But having it comforted him at all times. Sometimes, when he had a few minutes of free time, he would scribble a few notes, or something he would have said to Naruto if he had been here. Like now, he would have wanted to tell him all about what he was feeling about being in this classroom.

While biting in his onigiri, Sasuke took the diary out of his bag and his special pen and opened a fresh page. Being here, at the academy, was really inspiring. This was where their bonds started. Before, all he knew about the little blond boy was that he was a troublemaker. The shinobi school brought them together, even though they’d never admitted they had affection for one another. So he wrote about it, the pen gliding on the paper like a droplet of rain on the window. It was easy to find the words now. He was getting used to accept what he was feeling and allowed himself to be weak, lost and in love. Every day, this writing therapy helped him get the weight off of his shoulders. The next step was probably talking to his friend. Even if it took a little more time, he knew that he was on the right path.

Sasuke read what he had just written and smiled. It was kind of innocent, nothing like what he had written about last night. There were no naked bodies involved in this piece and somehow, it was even better.

“ _ I’m in the place where it all started. I wish you were here with me. I wish you could see how everything seems smaller now that we are so tall and we’ve grown so much mentally. You would be an amazing sensei, so much better than me. Your smile, the way you love people and everything you’ve been through to become the strongest shinobi on Earth… These kids deserve you. For now, they only have me and I hope I’m teaching them something helpful. I’m trying to be like you: softer, more patient and open-minded. You taught me so much over the years. I’m still looking at you like a role-model even if you still think I’m better than you. Humanly, I still have a lot to learn. I like to think that if I try hard enough, you’ll be proud of me and want to stay with me a little longer. I want to bring you here, and kiss you. Properly this time. I want to know what it feels like to be loved by you this way. I hope you’ll let me take your hand someday and never let g- _ ”

“Sensei!”

Sasuke jumped in surprise as a young girl entered the room and ran in his direction. He hastily closed the journal and put it back in his bag. He recognized that little student. Her name was Yokoma Gabi. She was struggling a lot with her control of the chakra. When she finally reached him, the kunoichi in training caught her breath and with a mischievous smile, formed a cross with her fingers and shouted: “Kage bunshin no jutsu!” Next to her, a perfect shadow clone appeared and she bursted with joy.

“You see, Sasuke-sensei! I can do it now!”

The Uchiha looked at the clone, baffled. Yesterday, Gabi had been unable to even learn about the chakra and the meridians. Now, she could do a perfect shadow clone? He stared at her with her messy dark hair, short breath and dirty skin. Gabi had probably practiced all night long. She reminded him of himself when he wanted to impress his father with his katon. And of course, she reminded him of Naruto, that dumb kid who didn’t even know he had chakra in his body the first time he was out on a mission. Sasuke realized it was one of those times he needed to grow more like his friend. He kneeled in front of the little girl and gave her a sincere smile.

“You did well. Keep working and you’ll soon be a genin.”

As he expected, Gabi jumped and shouted with joy as she ran away to tell her friends she had finally achieved what they had all been working for since the beginning of the month. To his own surprise, the shinobi chuckled and felt some kind of pride blooming inside him. He was happy for somebody else’s achievement… because he was the one who helped that little girl. Somehow, it felt even more rewarding than saving the world. 

When he finished his meal, Sasuke felt ready for another afternoon with the kids. He had been revived by Gabi-chan’s cheerfulness and felt like he could teach anything, the kids would learn it. While walking to his next classroom, he heard a familiar voice calling him from behind. He didn’t have to look to know it was his pink-haired team-mate.

“Sasuke-kun! You are  _ actually _ here.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“When Kakashi-sensei told me you were teaching at the academy, I thought it was a joke. But, it seems like it suits you.”  
“It does?”  
“Iruka and him are thrilled by your teaching methods. You’re sometimes a bit rough but you get results very quickly. That’s what they said.”

Another sense of pride bursted into his mind. So, he was really doing good after all, right? They walked together for a minute and Sakura told him she was teaching the kids some medical jutsus.

“You never know, some might find their destiny watching me revive a fish.” She chuckled. “We need more doctors. I want to see if some of them have potential and what it takes to learn the discipline.”  
“I bet you’re a harsher master than I am.”

Sakura covered her mouth to laugh and patted his back. He smiled and they stopped walking.

“I’ve got to go back. I’m teaching in our former classroom. I’d like to see you next week-end. I have a day off, maybe we can go pic-nic by the river. How does it sound?”  
“Sure. Just send me a message.”

Being Sakura’s friend was a good thing. She was maternal, nurturing and knew him well. She wasn’t trying to know what was going on inside his mind when he was not up to talk. He watched up walk away until she found the door and her pink mane disappeared in the classroom. Sasuke sighed and went to the yard to find his students. During the whole afternoon, he couldn’t erase the thought that maybe he should confide to Sakura. Who better than this woman who longed for him for so many years to understand him? Maybe she could help him sort things out…

“No.” He said in his mind. “If she knows and Naruto rejects me, I will never be able to look at her in the eyes. I can’t lose both of them.” It was honestly too hard being him. He had no idea what to think anymore. For one minute he was hopeful, happy, and the next minute he was completely lost. “Big brother, what would you have done?”

That night, he was too tired to write. He took a shower, crashed into his bed and fell asleep almost instantly. The following day was peaceful. He just wished Naruto was back. The blond had been gone for almost a week now and he hoped that his delay wasn’t due to some injury. As if his prayers had been answered, he heard somebody from the academy talk about Naruto’s return. He was such a celebrity that everytime he was around, the whole village knew about it. Sasuke smiled thinking how much he deserved it. After everything he had been through for them, they should be kneeling before him.

But the more the hours passed, the weirder people became. There was an odd vibe in the atmosphere. Sasuke frowned when he caught two teachers whispering while holding a piece of paper in their hands. Did something happen to Naruto? His heart fell in his chest. Sasuke had to know. But he still had three hours to teach. It was torture to just stay here and watch the kids while he could feel the air getting thicker. Thinking about his job right now was almost impossible.

As the kids in front of him were trying to focus their chakra into their feet, Sasuke noticed the shadow of Iruka-sensei walking by. He took that opportunity to walk behind him and called his former teacher what was happening. His voice was charged with much more emotion than he had planned.

“Iruka.”  
“Oh!” The shinobi jumped in surprise. “Sa-sasuke-kun. What do you want?”  
“What is going on? Why is everyone so tense?”

The man in front of him pressed his lips together and looked away. For fuck’s sake, what was going on here?!

“Is Naruto okay?”  
“Na-Naruto? Oh… hm I don’t… I have to go.”

And just like that, Iruka fled. Sasuke stayed still for a moment. In ten minutes, he’d be allowed to see for himself. The longest ten minutes of his entire life. Deep inside, he knew that if something had happened to Naruto, he would have felt it. And Sakura or Kakashi would have told him, right? They knew how much they meant to each other. They couldn’t hide that information from him. 

As soon as the course ended, Sasuke closed his cape and walked hastily through the village. His heart was beating so fast that he could feel it in his throat. What if they had hidden the truth from him, fearing he might lose control of himself? Sasuke couldn’t bear that thought. Naruto was fine. He had to be fine.

As he was turning on the corner of the street leading to the Hokage tower, he bumped into a group of people he knew too well. Ino, Shikamaru, Chôji, Lee, Tenten, Sakura… they were all here. They all had that look he had seen earlier: lips pressed, cheeks flushed and jaws tensed. What the fuck was happening around here? 

That’s when he saw it: that same piece of paper he had noticed earlier was in Shikamaru’s hand. Sasuke looked at him reading the words and frowning. His heart was beating so loud that Sasuke thought his whole body was going to collapse. Then, the shinobi’s lines relaxed and he smiled with a little bit of embarrassment. So, was Naruto fine?

“What is going on?” He asked, without taking the time for courtesy.   
“Sasuke-kun…” Sakura looked at him and when their eyes met, she fled from his glance. 

Around him, they were all silent. Suddenly, Ino’s annoyed voice erupted:

“Somebody’s been writing filthy stuff about Naruto. And the whole village knows about it!”  
“W-what?”

Sasuke missed a heartbeat. The ground underneath his feet disappeared.

“Read for yourself.” Shikamaru handed him the page.

But Sasuke didn’t have to read it. He instantly recognized his hand-writing. This couldn’t be happening. How in the world could someone know? Where did they find this? Why was it all around the village? Did Naruto know about it? He was about to faint.

“You look in shock.” Ino giggled. “It’s okay Sasuke-kun, it’s only erotica. It’s not even that naughty.”

Before he could say a word, Sakura grabbed the piece of paper and tore it little pieces of paper. She looked furious and also sad. Why? He had no time to wonder. His throat was so dry and his hands so sweaty, it was like his body had no idea on how to react any longer. 

“I knew our Naruto was famous but the fact that people would write these stuff about him? That’s new!” Kiba said with a smirk. “Honestly, I’d be flattered if some ladies were so in love with me they would write about my full lips and strong hips!” He said with a laugh that weirdly sounded like a bark.

Sasuke was feeling nauseous. This was the worst thing that could ever happen. Who knew how many of these pages were out and about around the village? What if Naruto knew about it? “He’s going to feel humiliated”, Sasuke thought. “He’s going to hate me.” The world around him was spinning so fast that the Uchiha seriously felt like he was going to throw up. He was on such a good path, why was this happening to him?

His hand was seriously trembling and a cold shiver shook his whole body. He needed to go home and choke on his own pillow. He didn’t feel the need to explain anything, he just wanted to get out of here. But as he was about to take a step back and leave without a word, a familiar salute echoed into his ears. Behind him, he could hear the sound of steps he knew so well approaching. 

He didn’t even look. The smell came first. A mix of honey, sunflower, citrus and vanilla, the sweetest scent ever. Naruto was now standing by his side, smiling big with his dirty clothes and messy hair. He had just gone back from a mission and was probably bringing his report to Kakashi.

They all looked at him and answered with a smile that looked too awkward to be trusted, even for someone as clueless as Naruto. His nose wrinkled and he looked at each of them with a suspicious glance.

“What’s up with you guys? Why are you all gathering here?”

A loud cacophony began, each of them trying to find an excuse to escape. Only Sasuke and Sakura stayed silent. He had no idea what she was thinking. She was probably worried for her friend. Sasuke’s brain was completely empty now. He was ashamed and profoundly hurt. It felt like he was naked in front of all of them and his feelings were mocked and ran over like they were nothing. Sasuke’s chin wobbled for a moment but he knew he couldn’t possibly cry in front of them. So, he swallowed his pain and tried to stay dignified, at least for five minutes.

“Guys?” Naruto reiterated. “Honestly, is everything alright?”  
“We should tell him.” Ino finally said. “He’s gonna know anyway. Better hear it from us.”  
“No! Naruto, there’s nothing!” Sakura protested.  
“I already told you I don’t like liars” The Uzumaki answered the pink-haired girl with a coldness in his voice.

“No, please.” Sasuke pleaded in his brain. But Ino was right, he was going to hear it at one point. He just wasn’t ready to see the look of disgust on Naruto’s face just yet. He was not ready to have his heart broken. Sasuke had written those things for himself, and now everybody knew. It didn’t matter if his name was not on display. The fact that he had poured his heart into those lines and they were discussed and mocked right in front of him was unbearable. And Naruto was going to be so humiliated. He had to tell him before they could. But his body refused to move. He was glued to the ground, muscles so tense there was nothing he could do. And it was already too late. Shikamaru had decided for all of them. He had decided for Sasuke.

“Naruto… How could I say that? What a drag.” He snorted. “Somebody has been putting up stories about you all around the village.”  
“About me?” Naruto tilted his head to the side. “What kind of stories?”  
“Ugh… Ino, please?”  
“Stories about... Oh no, Shikamaru I’m sorry I can’t.” She hid her face behind her hands.

With each passing second, Sasuke felt like his own soul was leaving his body. He was just a puddle of sweat and shame. What the fuck had happened to him? Would he have to banish himself from the village, find a new home hidden in the woods and live like a hermit? 

“I’ll say it, you’re all coward!” Kiba shouted. “Stories about you doing the nasty.”  
“W-what? But with who? And who wrote that?” The blond frowned, his cheeks heating up.  
“We don’t know, Naruto.” Shikamaru resumed. “Someone has been passing this copy all around and it’s just a passage of a...scene. There’s no name but yours.”  
“We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.” Sai added.

Naruto looked at all of them and his jaw tensed. Next to him, Sasuke couldn’t bear to look at him. He didn’t want to see the disgust and the disappointment or he would cry and faint. But the Uchiha couldn’t ignore the heat growing and inflaming everyone around Naruto. The boy felt nervous and they could all see he was about to burst.

“All of you read it?” He asked with an angry tone that did not resemble him.

None of them dared to answer out loud. They all nodded and looked away in shame. Suddenly, Sasuke felt the heat increasing as Naruto got closer to him. A growl seemed to echoed from Naruto’s chest, like a beast awakened by pain. The Uchiha swallowed and turned his head just slightly so he could catch a glimpse of his friend. 

“ _ You _ read it too?” Naruto asked Sasuke with a choked voice.  
“I-”

But he didn’t get to answer. Naruto was pissed. He had read into him before he could formulate sentences. Nervous tears started to pool on the corner of Naruto’s eyes and he left furiously, pushing everyone on his way to the Hokage’s tower. Sasuke watched him go away, feeling how much he was hurt and confused. He wished he could take him in his arms and tell him that nothing was his fault and that he didn’t have to be ashamed of himself. But in order to do so, he should be deserving of being his friend. He was the last person who should be by Naruto’s sides right now.

Sasuke lost a little bit of his ingenuity. Love was hard, it was sometimes unwanted and now, for him it was shameful. He should have never written those things in the first place. He was no Itachi, it was easy to steal from him, apparently. Now feeling dirty and guilty for hurting Naruto, he watched all of his friends silently break apart and stood alone in the middle of the street. His world was collapsing and he was powerlessly looking at the stupid decisions he had once again taken. He just wanted to go home and cry. 

He barely waited as they walked away and hastily fled to his apartment. The Uchiha jumped by the window, took his shoes off and jumped on his bed to burry his face in the pillow to scream. Everything had turned into a nightmare. He was on such a good path, why did this happen? Why was his destiny always so tragic? Didn’t he deserve a little bit of happiness too? 

The sadness was soon replaced with anger. Sasuke stood and spilled everything that was in his bag on the floor. He made a mess of his personal things and noticed that the notebook was not here. He was absolutely sure he had put it back here the last time he had written inside. Sasuke ran to his bed-side table and looked for it inside. There was nothing into the drawer nor under the bed. Someone had come into his home and stolen the diary. No, why would someone do that to him? Besides, Itachi’s journals were still on his desk, untouched. He also couldn’t feel anything odd, like an unknown chakra or anything.

Was it possible that he had… lost the diary? Sasuke dug again in the stuff from his bag, as if the notebook was going to suddenly reappear. His hand was sweaty, and he was so angry with himself that he almost forgot how much his heart was broken. But as he was losing his mind, he heard the shy voice of Sakura from behind and jumped with surprise.

“Is this what you’re looking for?”

He span on his knees and looked at the kunoichi who was straddling the edge of his window. In her gloved hand, she was holding the black leathered notebook. Sasuke’s heart drummed into his chest when he recognized the golden details and the way some of the pages were curved. He had done that with his fingers. His eyes went from the journal to Sakura’s face. Her green orbs looked worried and she had blushed cheeks. Was she the one who had leaked his journal? And how could she know it was his?

“W...what are you doing with this?” His voice was trembling but he was menacing enough to scare her.  
“Sasuke-kun…” She tried with an apprehensive tone.  
“What are you doing with this?!” He shouted, out of himself. 

But this time, she was unafraid. She jumped inside his apartment, her lips pressed and brows frowned. He was ready to hit her, the fury inside him was too big to be controlled. But he was also afraid, lost and above all: ashamed of what he had written.

“Calm down! I found it! I didn’t leak the pages!”  
“How do you know it’s mine?!” He spat out, his whole being trembling with rage.  
“I was here when you bought it, Sasuke-kun. Remember?”

Right. She was here when he had bought the notebook. She had even helped him pick a pen, so she had had a good look at the diary. He sighed and let his arm fall on his thigh. He was lost for words and he couldn’t even look at her in the eyes. 

“I- Sasuke-kun, it’s alright.” She said, trying to sound reassuring. But it only drew him madder.  
“Oh, is it? How would you feel if this very personal stuff about you was out there? And the person that you care most about in the world knew about it??”

Sasuke’s pulse didn’t calm down. He was out of control. His pain was unleashed, making him the most threatening ninja on the planet. Every time he was hurt, something bad could happen. After everything he had worked for, he realized that being heart-broken could pretty much destroy all of his efforts and free the sad beast inside him. Tears were on the verge to drop but he was too angry with himself to allow any kind of weak emotions from crossing the barrier of his body. Instead, he punched into the table and made a big hole into the wooden surface. Next to him, Sakura gasped and took a step back.

“Sasuke-kun… please… listen to me.”  
“I don’t want to! Get out!”

She didn’t deserve to be treated badly but he couldn’t find a way to be his own self again. He had never been this obviously mad, except when he had fought Naruto. And once again, Naruto was in the center of his burst of violent emotions. As Sasuke was about to yell at her again, he received the most brutal punch in the face. With the power of her perfectly controlled chakra, Sakura sent him crashing on the wall on the other side of the room. Sasuke moaned painfully as he landed on his ass with a severe concussion. The pain was radiating from his skull to his spine and his sight went blurry for a moment.

It took a couple of seconds for the shinobi to recover from that unexpected hit and when he was finally back on his feet, a little bit of blood flooded out of his nose. “Fuck.” He said as he wiped the blood on his lips. He could feel the metallic taste on his tongue and hear the annoyed sigh Sakura had just made.

“You have some nerves being mad while you’re the one who punched me.” He said dryly.  
“Because you deserved it.” She answered with equal sass as she healed him with her medical jutsu.

After that brief moment of silence where he tried not to piss her more, they sat at his kitchen table, the notebook laid in the center. He had made tea for the both of them and they were sipping, waiting for one of them to say something and avoiding to look at the hole Sasuke had just made with his electrified fist. Of course, Sakura broke the weird wall between them first.

“I know you did not want to hurt Naruto.” She began with a soft voice. “I’m sorry the diary had been found, Sasuke.”  
“Where? Where have you found it?”  
“In our classroom. I was teaching there yesterday, remember? By the end of the day, when I made sure nobody had forgotten anything, I found it under a chair. I opened it to see if there was any name and… that’s when I… realized it wasn’t some school book.”

She blushed and he looked away. Sasuke couldn’t believe she had read his dirty confessions. They all had read them!

“Nobody knows!” She said as she took his hand. “I recognized your handwriting and the notebook and I wanted to give it to you after school today but… but the page was leaked around noon. So I checked and… there’s one missing.”

The Uchiha’s face wrinkled and he brutally grabbed the diary to check. Flipping the pages hastily, he finally found the missing one. In the middle, the paper had been torn. Someone from that class had found his diary, read it and decided to publish his most intimate thoughts.

“I’m gonna kill all the people that walked inside that classroom.” He affirmed with a decided growl.  
“Sasuke-kun, they’re just dumb kids who thought they could make fun of the hero of the village. Your name isn’t on that page, nobody will ever know.”  
“But don’t you get it? Sakura, I hurt him! Have you seen his face? He’s going to hate me.”

His voice cracked when he pronounced the last part of his sentence and Sasuke broke into tears. He was unable to control himself any longer. This time, it was not his guts speaking his rage. His heart was literally on the table, he was exposed and naked in front of the whole village, in front of people who despised him and wanted him gone. And Naruto had felt so humiliated that he had not even found the strength to make a silly joke, as he would usually do. It was too much for him to handle.

It was like his heart was jumping in his throat. He wanted to throw up, cry and faint at the same time. The tip of his fingers became tingly and he couldn’t see anything, blinded by the thick tears flooding from his tired eyes. As Sasuke was about to hit his forehead on the table, he felt a soft hand in his neck. The pink-haired girl was caressing the base of his nape and his stiff back. It was the first time somebody was touching him like this since… his mother.

Another sob escaped his lips and he felt even more pathetic now. But she didn’t mind. Sakura, who had sat next to him, pulled his head against her chest and rocked him slowly. How good it was to have someone to be there for him. She was telling him she understood him, just by hugging him tight and sharing her warmth. With desperation, Sasuke clinged to her dress and let go of his fears against her shoulder. She shushed him and caressed the back of his hair until he stopped crying. Slowly, things didn’t seem that bad anymore, because he was not alone any longer. When the tears had dried up on his cheeks, he finally whispered:

“I love him.”  
“I know.” She answered with a smile in her voice. “I see it.”  
“I wanted to tell him… now I have ruined everything.” He struggled not to cry again.  
“You didn’t. He’s not going to be mad forever.”  
“But I can’t lie to him. It’s dishonest and I’ve never lied to him.”  
“You’ll tell him, when you’re ready.”

Sasuke sighed and sat properly again. Sakura was still stroking his hair and he couldn’t stop her.

“Do you think I’m disgusting?”  
“Well… I did not expect that kind of thing from you…” She blushed and giggled, obviously embarrassed. “But it’s a natural thing to do, somehow. I don’t think you did it because you’re a pervert… in fact, most of what you wrote is very sweet.”  
“You… read all of it?”  
“Not all of it. Some parts. I’m sorry. I was curious. But I skipped the… porn stuff.”

Sasuke sighed. His brain was completely numb. There was nothing he could do tonight and at least, the notebook was safe again. He had thought that he had put it in his bag the first time but it must have dropped. For now, the diary would remain inside. It was safer there.

“What are you going to do?” She asked as she was already heating leftovers rice for dinner.  
“I don’t know… I wasn’t ready to tell him. So, now it’s almost impossible.”  
“Your secret is safe, Sasuke. And I’ll help you. I’m sure Naruto isn’t that mad.”

But she was wrong. Naruto had been so shocked that he had disappeared from the village. The day after the cursed announcement, Sakura and Sasuke heard from Rokudaime that the shinobi had specifically asked to be sent away for at least a week. And Sasuke was mortified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you so much for reading! I am late with the comments too, omg I feel like an awful person. Let's say I had a pretty overwhelming week, lots of work and I'll get back to you asap. But thank you so much for all your encouragements it means the world to meeeeee!  
> Hope you enjoyed this one!
> 
> xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I hope everything is doing fine! We're more and more on this ff and I hope you'll all like the next chapter. It's a fun one, I promise!!

It had been a dreadful week. One Sasuke would remember for the rest of his life. His job at the academy was still fulfilling and he was finding some joy into sharing his knowledge but the recent event prevented him from being completely there. The truth was that Sasuke couldn’t stop thinking about his friend. Naruto had completely disappeared from the village and no one had heard about him. The shinobi had insisted on going on the mission alone, with no team to back him up and Sasuke was scared for him. Not that Naruto couldn’t defend himself but… he wasn’t in the right state of mind to take care of a mission alone. What if something happened to him and it was all Sasuke’s fault? 

The Uchiha closed the door of his apartment behind him with a deep and tired sigh as he watched his impeccable living room. At least, it was finally his day off, he could rest a little. After taking a hot shower, he stretched his limbs to release the tension in his muscles. Watching the kids had been exhausting today. He was teaching kumite, the ancestral art of friendly fighting between shinobi. Some of the younglings had been very hard to handle but he was not too mad. He saw himself in them. He saw Naruto too. And Shikamaru, Sakura, Lee… all of them. The future of Konoha was right here and he was in charge of them. They were making tremendous progress day after day and Sasuke had realized that he could probably teach, for real. Maybe not at the academy but… have his own team like Kakashi-sensei before him. He wondered if Naruto was going to take a trio someday. Those kids would be very lucky to have the famous Jinchuuriki as their sensei.

Outside, the sky had turned dark and after switching on the lights in his apartment, Sasuke started to clean the whole place. He liked to begin his day off with a spotless slate and mind. As he was planning on staying home and reflecting on his past actions, he had to make sure his flat was perfectly tidy. Maybe he was caring too much about those things, maybe he was too uptight… But maybe he just needed to do something he could perfectly control after the mess he had made. After drying the dishes with a kitchen cloth, the shinobi heard a thud on his door. He frowned. It was too late for Sakura to visit. Who was coming to see him at this hour?

Sasuke walked to the lobby and opened the door. A gasp escaped his mouth when he saw the mane of blond hair in front of him. He stayed silent for a moment, swallowed his saliva and opened his mouth but no sound came. Naruto smiled softly at him. His clothes were dirty, he had mud on his face and he looked extremely tired. No one had told him he was back from his mission so he had probably ran directly to Sasuke’s home without taking a shower or talking to Rokudaime. It made Sasuke’s heart beat incredibly fast for all the reasons he was already aware of. Without a word, The Uchiha let him come inside. He watched him take off his shoes in the genkan and remove his dusty jacket.

“I’m so tired.” Naruto finally articulated before yawning.  
“What… what are you doing here so late?”  
“I don’t know… I thought I could spend the night here. Can I?”

The Uchiha frowned and pressed his lips together as they stared at each other. He was not expecting that kind of request and his heart seemed to not know how he was supposed to react any longer. A long moment of silence ensued because the Uchiha was so socially constipated that a simple demand sounded like a mountain to climb. Naruto pouted, embarrassed, and before he could respond with a jaded ‘never mind’, Sasuke hastily answered:

“Yes. Stay.”  
“Thanks.” Naruto finally smiled with relief. “Is it okay if I take a shower? I stink.”

Wordlessly, Sasuke went to his bathroom and prepared clean towels, a pair of underwear and a large t-shirt. He quickly showed him how the shower worked and closed the door with a sigh. Suddenly, he recalled: the diaries. 

Sasuke ran into his bedroom and grabbed every evidence of his and Itachi’s writings and threw them in his closet, under a pile of heavy boxes filled with ninja weapons. This would have been a very stupid mistake. Now, what was he supposed to say to Naruto? And why was he even here anyway? He’d never come to Sasuke’s after a long mission. It was always announced. This time it was as if… as if he had decided he could come and go as he pleased, just when he needed comfort. Sasuke had seen the dark circles around Naruto’s eyes and the trembling of his body from exhaustion. Maybe that was what he wanted after all: comfort and someone to talk to.

“I’ve got to stop being selfish and thinking about myself and my pathetic love problems.” Sasuke thought before slapping his cheek. “Come on, wake up Sasuke. He needs you.”

When he heard the sound of water stop, Sasuke knocked gently on the bathroom door and asked Naruto if he was hungry.

“Not so much… just boil some water, if you have instant ramen.”

Of course he had instant ramen. The brunette had bought a whole stash just in case his friend was coming by and needed something to eat. He looked into his perfectly organized cupboard and took a box of the dry noodles while water was heating in his kettle. His heart was still beating fast and he knew his cheeks must have looked very red right now. But he couldn’t help it: he was feeling nervous when Naruto was around. 

Sasuke noticed that the Uzumaki was taking a lot of time to dress up, so he knocked again.

“Is everything alright?” He asked.  
“Yes. You can open the door, I’m just doing my bandage.”

Sasuke regretted he had opened that door. Naruto was in his black boxer brief, hair still wet and dripping on his shoulders, sun-kissed skin and tongue out while he was concentrating. His body had changed in the course of a few months. Sasuke had known him as a kid and as a teen but now, Naruto was a young adult. He wasn’t just skinny and muscular. His muscles were thick and he was so tall and broad it made Sasuke’s knees tremble a little. Trying to sweep the dirty thoughts already poisoning his mind, Sasuke watched Naruto struggle. With his left arm, the shinobi was trying to wrap the right one with a bandage. But he was failing miserably.

“Let me do it.” Sasuke said as he walked in. “This bandage isn’t even clean.”

After grabbing what he was looking for, he untied the dirty bandage and looked at the paleness on Naruto’s arm unveiling. He wanted to touch the soft and new skin but he wasn’t sure that he could. He looked at it, his glance flying from his shoulder to his long fingers. The palm of his hand was pink and looked smooth like baby hands. Naruto was silent but he seemed tense.

“Are you okay?”  
“I think I hurt myself during the mission. My shoulder is stiff from the extra work it has to do with the prosthesis.”  
“You should see a doctor. Let me call Sak-”  
“No! It’s fine.” Naruto protested as he grabbed Sasuke’s arm before he could walk out. “Please, I just want to be here. With you.”

They stared again and the Uchiha felt a violent chill cross his whole body. His skin was burning where Naruto was holding him and it was so good and so undeserved that he blushed shamefully. The Uchiha sighed and nodded. If Naruto needed quietness, he could understand. But he wasn’t going to let him suffer like this. He opened his drawer again and retrieved a little glass pot. 

“Come on.”

With his hand wrapped around Naruto’s wrist, Sasuke led them to his bedroom and they sat on his bed. The blond was following his friend’s every move as he climbed behind him. He was still half-naked, a bit shivering and Sasuke was struggling to stay impassive in front of his bare body. He couldn’t possibly lurk on him, that would not be fair and a tad creepy… but still. He couldn’t ignore his handsomeness. 

The Uchiha opened the metallic lid and took a little bit of greasy paste with his fingers. It smelled fresh like the forest and was slowly heating against his flesh.

“What is it?” Naruto asked as he turned his head to watch what Sasuke was doing.  
“Just an ointment my mother used to make for Itachi and I when we were back from training. I tried to copy her recipe.”  
“What’s inside?”  
“You’re curious tonight.” He answered with a smile as he started rubbing his trapezius muscles.  
“It smells funny.” Naruto giggled then hissed at the sensation of coldness on his sore area. “Aouch!”  
“It’s going to heat up with the massage, stay still.”

Naruto’s shoulder was tense and his muscles were stiff and swollen. He needed a good rest. Slowly, the Uchiha relaxed as he was taking care of his friend's shoulder and arm. He was observing his reactions to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. Little by little, the muscles softened too and he added another coat of ointment, prolonging the massage on his other shoulder. If he had two arms, Sasuke would probably be massaging his whole back right now. But the young man didn’t let his eyes linger on Naruto’s body for too long. He couldn’t disrespect him when the Uzumaki was trusting him and this environment to be a safe place. 

Still, they were alone in his bedroom and Naruto was half-naked. He was shamelessly asking a male friend to take care of him. That didn’t look like something he’d share with Sai or Shikamaru. A sentiment of pride bloomed inside Sasuke’s mind and he wondered if that meant the Jinchuuriki was trusting him even more than before. He blushed while chills covered Naruto’s skin when he used his fingers to sooth the tension in his neck.

“Does it feel good?” He whispered.

Naruto only answered with a growl. He had his eyes closed and he was weakening by the second. The pressure of his fingers on his muscles seemed to help with the stiffness. Soon, the blond boy was completely leaning against Sasuke. Without a sound, the Uchiha closed the ointment pot and pulled Naruto’s heavy body higher on the bed to gently lay his head on the pillow. The Uzumaki moaned softly but let his friend tuck him into bed. Sasuke looked at him for a minute and smiled at the way the whiskers on his cheeks made him look child-like. As he was about to leave the bedroom, Naruto’s pale hand stopped him again.

“Why don’t you come to bed too?” He asked with a sleepy voice.  
“Ugh… hm… yeah. I just got to find my pyj-”  
“Just take off those pants and come.” The blond lazily smiled.

For a couple of seconds, Sasuke considered his options. And there was no other than joining him. Naruto was already in his bed anyway, so he’d have to lay next to him at some point. Better now than ever. The Uchiha, already overwhelmed with the cracking into Naruto’s tired voice, switched off the light before letting his pants slip down his legs and he heard a light chuckle. 

“Don’t laugh at me.” He grouchily said.  
“I have seen your legs already, you know?”  
“Shut up.”

Naruto chuckled again. But when Sasuke opened the blanket on his side of the bed, he turned to see him slither in. With the moonlight to guide his sight, the Uzumaki followed his motions and seemed pleased with what he saw. As soon as Sasuke had lied down, the blond rolled as close as he could and his head rested right in the crook of his neck, just like that night under the tent. But this time, they weren’t drunk.

“Hm… I’ve been waiting for this for days.” Naruto yawned.  
“S-sleeping?”  
“In a bed, yes. Here.”

Sasuke swallowed heavily and pressed his lips in anticipation. Was Naruto testing him? Was he trying to know if Sasuke was the author of this awful sex story? Or was he avoiding saying that he wanted to sleep in a bed… with him? No, the last one was impossible. Sasuke couldn’t allow himself to think about this, as long as he was not being honest with Naruto. But he couldn’t ignore the soft fingers slithering under his t-shirt, rubbing against his hip right now. What was Naruto doing?! Burning from the intimate touch, Sasuke cleared his throat with uneasiness and the caresses stopped.

“I’m sorry.” Naruto whispered. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Sasuke thanked whoever was responsible for the night and the fact that his blushing was hidden by the shadows. So, Naruto was fully aware that this… what he was doing, could be interpreted in a certain way, right? It wasn’t something you’d do to a friend. Why was he doing it then? Sasuke was confused but also, he regretted that the rubbing had stopped. It was nice...

“What happened in my absence?” The blond asked, as if he was trying to break the ice by changing the subject.  
“Same old. Nothing special or that you should be aware of, I think.”  
“What about… that thing that happened before I left?”

Here they were. His mouth instantly dried up and Sasuke felt like he was about to faint from too much pressure. But he had to stay cool. Not only for him but also to show Naruto it wasn’t such a big deal.

“What about it?” He asked, faking the innocence.  
“Do people still talk about it?”

He could feel that Naruto was embarrassed and that it was a sensitive topic to mention for him. Probably because he was still feeling humiliated. How in the world could Sasuke admit he was guilty? The trembling in Naruto’s voice was telling everything he needed to know about how the Uzumaki felt about all of this.

“I want the honest version.” He added, sensing that Sasuke was still weighing the pros and cons.  
“They talk about it. But not like… they’re mostly trying to know who wrote it.”  
“But they’re talking about it. And reading that piece of garbage, right?”

The atmosphere thickened and Sasuke tried not to show how much he was affected by Naruto’s words. But the blond wasn’t easing the task for him. He could feel his friend’s body boiling from the rage. And as if he needed to anchor himself into reality, Naruto tangled his muscular legs to Sasuke’s and pillowed his head on his pectoral. 

“That’s new.” Sasuke thought.

The Uzumaki’s breath was now caressing the bare skin at the base of his neck, making the Uchiha shiver and suffer in silence. Why on Earth was Naruto testing him like this? Why did he have to be so close? Sasuke could understand the need for comfort but… this was… boyfriend material. He wasn’t crazy, right?

“Sasuke, I just want you to know that… I have no idea why this person wrote that about me and… I’m not seeing anyone.”

Confusion wasn’t even enough to describe Sasuke’s thoughts right now. As if Naruto had something to be blamed for in the first place. In the tense silence of the night, he sensed that Naruto needed to be comforted. It wasn’t like Sasuke to show his emotions but it was his duty to protect the Uzumaki with everything he had. He had promised him. If he had not succeeded keeping his dirty thoughts private, at least he could give the young man some kind of comfort.

“I’m not judging you. I don’t care.”

With his valid hand, Sasuke pulled Naruto slightly closer and rubbed his bare back. Were they really in the same bed, touching each other like two.... ‘two what?’ He thought. The Uchiha was lost. Maybe he was a little bit stupid, but he had never talked about those things with anyone before, so what was he supposed to think? The few physical contacts he had in the past didn't ressemble something so intimate and soft. Also, it wasn’t like him and Naruto had never been physically close before. It happened gradually since he was back from his two years journey. And now they were in his bed, holding each other and caressing their bodies to find comfort. 

The skin on his back was warm, soft, scarred but it only made the Uchiha want to protect him even more. He shifted his head to bury his nose into the mane of blond hair and filled his lungs with Naruto’s natural scent. It was musky, clean and sunny like honey and wildflowers. To his own surprise, the Jinchuuriki nuzzled his throat, hummed and laid his large palm at the base of his neck, his fingers now lost in his dark locks. They were extremely close and it was overwhelming for Sasuke. His heart raced in his chest and he let his organism get drunk on Naruto’s scent. 

Naruto was getting heavier in his arms. Maybe he was close to fall asleep. Sasuke had no idea but the heat between them made him dizzy and he had no other choice but to close his eyes. The only sound was coming from Naruto’s mouth. His peaceful breath was rocking the Uchiha to sleep and he knew he was going to have the best night ever. But as Sasuke was slowly letting his body and mind escape reality, he felt a weight on his body, forcing him to roll on his back. Naruto was above him, his narrow but strong hips pushing his thighs apart so he could rest between them.

Sasuke looked at him, head empty and out of breath. What was he doing? With his skilled eyes, he tried to decrypt Naruto’s face but he didn’t get the chance to ask or guess what was inside his head because his mind went blank. Naruto’s lips were on his. Sasuke was out of breath for a second. The longest or the shortest, he had no idea. His friend was kissing him gently and trying to make him open his mouth. The brunette protested for half a second, feeling anxiety planting its claws inside him, but the sensation of the soft skin against his was too enticing. Naruto had the mellowest lips and the warmest breath. And his body was so big and strong above him that he wished the Uzumaki could bury him into the sheets. The blond’s hips were slowly moving against him. It was almost imperceptible, as if he wasn’t sure about what Sasuke wanted. But it was obvious. The Uchiha was already hard as a rock and years of frustration had him trembling under Naruto’s touch.

Sasuke whispered his name like a prayer and it drove the blond mad. His plump lips were torturing his neck while he was pulling his t-shirt above his head. Sasuke wasn’t a modest man, but being naked in front of Naruto had a meaning and he hoped his friend - now lover - was aware of it. He didn’t have time to explain because his mouth was shut with delicious lips again. The shinobi covered Sasuke’s chest and stomach with kisses and licks which were impossible to resist. But since when did Naruto want him? Since when was it obvious that Sasuke would say yes?

The Uchiha needed to ask but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. Especially when Naruto’s hand was already between his thighs and grabbing his bulge above his boxer brief. Sasuke gasped and arched a little. Was he going to let Naruto do all the work? More likely, because he was currently unable to do anything coherent. He was scared about what would happen next but unable to tell him to stop.

“I was waiting for that moment for so long.” The Uzumaki said with eagerness as Sasuke was looking for air.

The blond didn’t seem to expect an answer because his head had dived under the blanket to take care of his inner thighs. Uncontrollable shivers took over Sasuke’s body as he could feel his friend’s treatment getting closer to the apex of his arousal. He wanted to say no, he wanted to scream that he wasn’t ready to have sex with Naruto yet. But nothing came out of his mouth. It was like a heavy weight was choking his chest and even if he opened his lips, no sound crossed the barrier of his throat. He wanted to be honest with Naruto first, and he wanted their first night together to be special.

Sasuke had no idea about how and when, but he was now naked and totally at Naruto’s mercy. His legs had been parted and he was preparing himself to be touched on his stiff and throbbing cock. All the willpower to resist Naruto had left his body. He was shivering and contracting his abs with every touch grazing at his overly sensitive skin. Sasuke cried and clenched in surprise when his lower body was pulled up and he felt a wet sensation between his buttcheeks. Naruto had pushed his hips farther up so he could access the most intimate area on his body with his face.

The Uchiha grabbed a pillow, unable to hide his embarrassment and his arousal any longer. Naruto was licking his ass. It was real. It was happening. He had thought about it, blushed about it, written about it… and now, he was feeling Naruto’s tongue there. And the blond wasn’t just licking. His tongue was in and out, his mouth sucking on his ring of sensitive flesh as his hands were bruising the globes of his ass. And Sasuke was unable to react besides screaming and choking in his pillow. The shame of being opened and so sensitive made everything even sexier, especially when he noticed how focused Naruto was when he was eating him out. The Uzumaki pulled Sasuke's last straw when he spat in his ass and licked his lower lip as he watched the saliva coat his lover's sensitive hole.

Around them, the air had gone moist and the Uchiha could smell the scent of wild sex. His bedroom was filled with wet noises and moanings he wasn’t even ashamed to make. It was too good to be contained. Naruto had not said a word yet and even if Sasuke was calling him pleading him, the Uzumaki wasn’t letting go of his task.

“Na...Naruto… I’m… I’m gonna cum…”

His whole body was shaking, sweating and Sasuke had no idea what to do. He couldn’t come just like that! What about Naruto? Since when was he so good in bed? Another lick inside him made Sasuke lose control and roll his eyes in his orbits. Should he touch him? Suck him? At this thought, a rush of adrenaline shook his guts and the Uchiha knew how much he wanted it. His dick was growing even more when he was thinking about seeing Naruto naked and touching him right there. His hand now in the mane of blond locks, Sasuke pulled him gently up. What he saw stopped his heart for a minute. Naruto, his chin covered with drool, was leaning over his hardened penis and licking his own abused lips to retrieve Sasuke’s taste.

“You’re so good, Sasuke.”

Lost for words, the Uchiha let his thoughts leave his brain. Naruto was so carnal and erotic that his partner had trouble staying anchored in reality. Why was he such a moron? Sasuke had already forgotten about getting down on Naruto. In a blink of an eye, the brunette was facing the mattress, his head buried in his pillow already wet with saliva and sweat. Behind him, Naruto was kissing the nice hollowed line of his spine. The more he was getting closer to his loins, the more intensely the fire burned inside Sasuke’s body. While hearing Naruto’s humming and wet noises, Sasuke arched his body like a cat and realized how horny he was. It seemed to please the blond very much because he growled and stuck his arousal between Sasuke’s legs and moved slowly so their shafts could touch.

The two men moaned and looked for another touch. Sasuke flicked his head to watch behind him and bit his lip. What was Naruto thinking right now? Was he enjoying that moment? Was it as important as it was for him? He wanted to ask him but he was still mute and it was getting on his nerves. Obviously his friend was into this and was pleased, but Sasuke wanted to talk about it, to know he was desired for the right reasons. And it was like he had no control over himself anymore.

When their eyes met, Naruto smiled to him in a way that made Sasuke comfortable again. His whole body softened when he realized that he could read inside Naruto’s mind and that his friend was reading into his too. The Uzumaki was telling him that everything would be okay just by looking inside his dark and purple orbs. He loved him. It was just the two of them, just like Sasuke wanted it. No shame, no fear. Naruto’s gaze screamed how much he desired Sasuke and wanted him to be his. 

“I’m already yours.” Sasuke thought. “I’ve always been yours, my love.”

There was no pain, no scream, no weird sensation in his guts, but Sasuke knew Naruto was inside him. His presence was all over his body, making him touch the stars even though they had barely started making love. For them, having sex had started when they had learned how to fight. This ceaseless battle for power and recognition was their way to tell each other they were in love. Now, they had understood that the rivalry and the burning fire inside their chest had to be soothed not with fists and jutsu but with a kiss.

Trusting his lover with everything he had, Sasuke rested his head against the pillow and arched some more. Naruto’s large cock was easily thrusting in and out of him, sending electric shocks through his whole body. The Uchiha was crying of pleasure in his sheets at every hit. His back would be so sore in the morning but it was so good, so intense. And Naruto’s sex noises were exactly what he thought they would be: manly, short breathed and almost beastily. 

The Uchiha closed his eyes and tried to feel every inch of Naruto’s length entering him. If he could, Sasuke would stop time. But he already was too much into this to ask Naruto to slow down. His whole body was asking for it and letting his lover do whatever he wanted with him. It was so good anyway, why would he stop? A wet sensation surrounded his own cock as he was still being pounded from behind. But Sasuke couldn’t see anymore. He was blinded by pleasure, his whole body jolting everytime Naruto was taking him, licking him, kissing him. Where was his tongue? In his mouth, on his chest, around his cock? He didn’t know.

Naruto’s hands were everywhere on his body too, spreading his ass, grabbing his long, black hair and holding his hips to still him with strength. Sasuke could feel his penis inside him, getting deeper and deeper but now, it was like it was also in his mouth and rubbing against his own dick. Naruto was everywhere around him and it overwhelmed him so much that he came violently, closing his limbs around his strong and broad body. A desperate cry escaped his mouth as he emptied himself against the Uzumaki who held him tight.

His head heavy and groin tingling like crazy, Sasuke smiled as he could hear the voice of his lover calling him. The fire kept spreading from the roots of his hair to his flexing toes and he looked for Naruto’s touch. He wanted to answer the calls but all he could do was smile in bliss. Until he felt a light slap on his cheek and opened his eyes. The room was still dark, he was still covered with sweat and Naruto was still above him, but he certainly didn’t look like someone who just had amazing sex. 

“Sasuke! Oh fuck, you’re finally awake! Are you okay?”  
“W-what?”

Sasuke blinked several times and looked at the blond’s concerned face. His body was burning, the sheets were damp and his legs were shaking. He could still feel the electric shocks of his orgasm running through his limbs as he tried to control the spasms. It had been real, right? They had made love, just right now. Right? 

A sense of dizziness caught him by surprise and he realized he was only wet because of his perverted imagination. When had he fallen asleep? Was it all just a dream? The realization that all of it had just been played in his brain and he was now into the bland reality hit him like a hammer in the stomach. How could this happen now?

Facing the look of distress in Sasuke’s eyes, Naruto tried to uncover his body to make him breathe better but the Uchiha had just noticed the stickiness between his own legs. Sasuke pulled the blanket even higher and clenched his thighs, as if this could change anything. He just had an erotic dream and came like a teenager right next to his best friend, who also was the love of his life. Sasuke wanted to die. Why was it always happening to him? Didn’t fate have another motherfucker in love to bother?

“Hey, you’re okay?” Naruto asked again with his sexiest sleepy voice. “I heard you scream as if you were hurt!”

The Jinchuuriki’s hand landed on his forehead and he sighed. The brunette couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he had screamed out loud while cumming because of a freaking fantasy. Ashamed, he prayed for his heartbeat to calm down but the asshole just wanted him dead too.

“You have a fever. I’m gonna fetch you a glass of water, okay?”

Sasuke watched the pretty bum of his friend jump out of bed and hastily disappear into the kitchen. He didn’t wait longer to roll on his stomach, open the drawer of his bed-side table, find any cloth-type object and rub it furiously in his underwear to make his obscenity disappear.

“Come on, faster!” He insanely whispered.  
“What did you say?” Naruto asked from the other room.  
“Nothing! I’m fine!” He yelled with a trembling voice.

As Naruto’s steps were coming closer, Sasuke pulled out the piece of dirty tissue from his underpants and looked around in panic. Right before his friend entered the bedroom, he hid it under his pillow and laid down like a corpse. “What a natural pose”, he thought.

“Here you go. Drink.”

The blond watched him empty the entire glass until the last drop as if Sasuke was taking a medicine. But he had to admit, this touch of freshness helped him quiet the anxiety inside him. Naruto sat next back on his side of the bed and observed him.

“You’re sweating, Sasuke. You should take off your t-shirt. Why the long sleeves anyway? It’s almost Summer.”  
“I’d rather keep it.”  
“Come on, I’ve seen you already. Is it because of your arm?”

The brunette didn’t have time to protest. Naruto’s strong hands were already pulling his clothes above his head, leaving him with only his underpants. The Uchiha wrapped his limb around himself and blushed a little. It was nothing to be shirtless in front of Naruto, but the whole situation was twisted.

“Hey…” The blond whispered as he laid his warm hand on his cheek. “I’m not going to bite you…”

Sasuke looked by the window to avoid his friend’s glance. He felt miserable for putting Naruto through this. It was like rejecting him while all he wanted was to be held tight by him. But how could he tell him now? He didn’t even trust himself to be a decent human being around Naruto. After the porn stories, he was cumming right next to him… what was wrong with him? Was he so honry that even his unconscious self wanted to betray him?

“Listen, I don’t want my presence to be so stressful for you that it makes you sick.” Naruto said with a little bit of sadness in his voice.  
“I’m not sick.”

They stared at each other for a moment and Sasuke sighed. He shouldn’t be cruel to his friend. He had to be braver.

“I’m just tired. I’m sorry.”  
“Are you sure? I can leave, you know?”  
“I don’t want you to leave.”

‘Ever’, he added in his mind. Naruto smiled and leaned enough so he could kiss him on the forehead. It was just a light peck but the Uzumaki had poured so much tenderness that Sasuke blushed in spite of himself. His reaction made Naruto giggle as he laid down again.

“I’d never thought you’d be so shy. Especially with me.”  
“Why especially with you?” Sasuke asked, eagerly curious to know his answer.  
“Because, it’s me. We know each other on levels other people will never understand.”  
“Maybe it is because of that.” He simply answered.

Naruto turned his head to observe him. It felt like that day when they were lying on the remains of Madara’s and Hashirama’s hands. They were opening to each other without any filter, without anything or anyone to judge or stop them from being who they were meant to be.

“What do you mean?” Naruto whispered.  
“I don’t want you to be disappointed by the real me.”  
“I know the real you, Sasuke.”  
“You don’t.” Sasuke answered with sadness. “I don’t either. There are many things I haven’t experienced and I still have yet to discover who I am.”  
“Can I say something?” The blond added with a smile that burned everything inside Sasuke.  
“Hm?”  
“I’ve never been disappointed by you. I’ve been scared, I’ve been angry, I’ve been confused… but I was never disappointed.”

Sasuke felt a wave of euphoria wash all of his doubts away. That was Naruto’s method: unconditional love and trust. It was working, every damn time. But what if he knew the truth and couldn’t handle it? Sasuke couldn’t afford to think about it right now. The panic born in his heart after that erotic dream had vanished. He was here, in the present, with Naruto and the softness of his words. It felt like he was loving the Uchiha and didn’t care about what he had done or could do in the future. Sasuke rolled on his side to face the window and watch the moon beaming into the dark sky. He didn’t have to wait very long to sense the mattress sag behind him as Naruto was placing himself against his back. His arm wrapped around his chest and grabbed his left hand while his leg aligned with Sasuke’s. Now surrounded by the warmth of his friend, the Uchiha couldn’t ask for anything more. Maybe a kiss, but it wasn’t right.

“Good night, Naruto.” He whispered.  
“Good night, Sasuke.” The blond answered before pressing his lips against the sensitive skin under his ear.

Sasuke had almost forgotten about the incident that had happened during the night when they were having breakfast in his little kitchen. But when Naruto had dragged him to the hospital, everything had rushed back. The embarrassment, the stickiness and the fact that it was now official: he could not tell Naruto that he was the author of the sex story that had been passed around the whole village. 

“Naruto, I’m not sick!”  
“You don’t get a fever just like that, do you? And besides, I noticed that your shoulder is not well too.”  
“My shoulder? What are you talking about?” He spat out as he was pushed into the shinobi service.  
“The one attached to your regular arm. You must be using it too much to balance with the other one.”

Sasuke grumbled as they sat into the waiting room. He couldn’t deny, Naruto was right. His left arm was sore most of the time because he was relying on it much more now. Maybe it could alter his fighting techniques or weaken the right side of his body. It wouldn’t do any harm to check on it. Naruto, on the other hand, was already cured thanks to Kurama’s chakra flowing into his meridians.

“You don’t have to stay. It’s your day off, I can wait by myself.”  
“It’s okay. I’m glad to be here.” Naruto smiled and looked at the pictures of the typical shinobi wounds on the wall. 

Sasuke didn’t say it out loud, but he was glad Naruto stayed with him. When he was finally admitted into the service by a nice nurse, Sasuke wondered if Naruto was going to be with him during the whole procedure. But it was a dumb question to ask since the ninja was already helping him get rid of his t-shirt.

“I really don’t understand why you don’t want a prosthesis.” He grumbled.  
“Naruto, leave me alone.”  
“I’m just saying, it’s really convenient!”  
“There, there! Fighting so early in the morning you two!”

They both turned their heads to look at the pink-haired girl with a blouse who had just entered the examination room.

“I thought I recognized that voice!” Naruto shouted with cheer.  
“Sakura… it’s nothing you don’t have to take care of me.” Sasuke said with despair. He didn’t want to bother the best doctor in the village.  
“Nonsense, Sasuke. We want the best!” Naruto retorted.

“We?” Sasuke was confused.

“It’s alright. I always have five minutes for you guys.”

Sakura smiled as she looked at them both. But when her glance crossed Sasuke’s eyes, it was like she was overwhelming him with thousands of questions. After all, she was the only one aware of what was going on.

“So, what is it?” She asked with a serious look.  
“Sasuke’s been sick during the night. And I think you should check his arms.” Naruto answered before the brunette could open his mouth.

The kunoichi pressed her lips and her pretty cheeks blushed as she avoided Sasuke’s murderous stare. After much protest, she was finally able to move Naruto and make him wait behind a window. From there, the blond could observe the exam and not hear what they had to say.

“Last night, huh?” Sakura asked with a mischievous tone as she was checking his temperature with her palm on his forehead.  
“It’s not what you think it is.” He mumbled.  
“I’m not thinking about anything. I just find it very funny that you try to hide so hard that you love him while all he’s waiting for is your permission to hump your leg.”

Sasuke choked on the wooden stick she was using to check his throat and she chuckled, apparently very proud of herself. The Uchiha felt his blood rushing to his brain and his whole face turning red.

“What the fuck are you saying?”  
“Don’t tell me you don’t suspect it? Sasuke, he’s head over heels! All you have to do is tell him!”  
“I can’t.” He enraged.  
“Why? Because of that stupid porn stuff? You think he’s going to be mad when he knows it is you who wrote it?”  
“He’s still pretty shocked. He told me last night.”

Sakura sighed when she walked behind him to look at his shoulders. The Uchiha caught a glimpse of his friend on the other side of the window. Naruto was giving him a smile, even though his eyes looked concerned. Had he always been so worried for him?

“Indeed, you need to take care of the muscles around your shoulders and arms. I’m going to put back the bones that are slightly staggered, but you should consult a specialist every once in a while.”

She started to work her magic on him and Sasuke closed his eyes when he felt everything coming together in the upper part of his back. The tensions disappeared as Sakura was massaging him.

“You do whatever you want, Sasuke.” She resumed while treating him. “I just don’t want you to be miserable for something so stupid.”

They were out of the hospital in no time. His body light as a feather, Sasuke was walking with more confidence. Sometimes, his eyes landed on his friend next to him. Was Sakura right? Was it safe to imagine that someday, Naruto and him could be a romantic duo? The thought of it woke up the butterflies in his stomach and he chuckled under the inquisitive glance of his friend. The blond laughed too, even if he had no idea what was making Sasuke so merry.

“I have to go to the Hokage’s office. Kakashi's been waiting for my report since last night. You’re going to be okay?”  
“Yes, Naruto. I’m a big boy.” He answered with a smile.  
“Okay then, I’ll see you soon. Okay?”

In the busy streets of Konoha, Sasuke watched him go away with a bright grin and a wave goodbye. He was now wearing the jônin outfit and it looked damn well on him. A light breeze swept leaves on the ground and ruffled Naruto blond hair. Sasuke was glad he was growing it longer. He was going to be handsome with longer locks, his big blue eyes and his fierce whiskers.

On the way home, all Sasuke could think about was dive deep into Itachi’s diaries again. He needed to read about love, pure love like the one Shisui and his brother had shared. He wanted to get inspired by the couple who had deserved an entire life of happiness. Now seated on the rooftop of his building, bare feet and enjoying the sun, Sasuke was brushing the lines written by his elder.

“ _It’s early in the morning and I’m watching Shisui sleep. He came late into the night and slipped into the house while everybody was asleep. I just don’t know why, but we needed a night together. The sun’s not out and I couldn’t close my eyes. I just wanted to watch over him, feel his heart beating against my ear and the air going in and out of his chest. I don’t know what the future holds, I just feel like we don’t have much time. Shisui is so alive, so pure and hopeful, I know it’s going to the end of him. And I’m going to watch because I feel powerless. I can’t manage to shift things around in the clan and we both know our fate is a gamble we can both lose. For now, all I can do is enjoy those last minutes before he wakes up and goes back on a mission. I’m watching his beautiful dark hair, his long neck and his strong shoulders. I should wake him up because I want him to take me before he escapes. I want him to be inside me and never let me go. I wish we could run away with Sasuke. I wish I could disappear into his kisses that are so good and filled with love. But I can’t and my heart is so heavy in my chest when I think about all the things we will not have together because of some fools’ stupidity that I want to scream at the sky and ask why. Why did I deserve that? Why should I lose everything that I love for some to gain power?  
_ _I don’t have the answer to that question and I think I never will. I’ll do what is right to protect the innocents. My brother, my village, my Shisui. I’ll protect them as much as I can. But please, if someone is reading, help me protect them._ ”

Chewing the insides of his cheeks, Sasuke realized how much of a drama queen he was. He had nothing to lose in today’s settings. Naruto could be mad at him and feel betrayed but he wouldn’t die because of some stupid porn he had written out of frustration. He had to be braver and forget his timidity for the sake of his brother.

Itachi had loved Shisui so much. They had built a short but intense relationship and their love was palpable in the very core of the village. Their sacrifices had allowed Konohagakure to thrive and be protected. Sasuke himself was now in charge of the village’s security. He was accompanied by Naruto, who also was the love of his life. Their stories were different, but the love remained the same. Sasuke was mirroring his brother, not only in power, but in love patterns too.

He had never been a coward and he shouldn’t start now. The end of the tunnel seemed closer than ever. Sasuke closed the journal and looked at the village. From where he was seated, the area between the cliff and the woods looked so big, like a huge playground. It was, in a way. It was their playground. Naruto and him were in charge of the city. His friend had shaped the village exactly how it was supposed to be: bright, colorful, open-minded… something that had seemed impossible 20 years ago was now a reality. Naruto had accomplished Itachi’s, Hashirama’s and Minato’s dream.

The Uchiha looked at the Hokage tower he could see from afar and smiled. Soon, Naruto would sit there and his handsome face would be carved right on that wall. Sasuke wanted to be there when it’d happen. He wanted to celebrate with him, hold his hand, kiss him and make love to him the night of the coronation. The Uchiha blushed and caressed his lips. He had dreamed about kissing him, but he would make it a reality. That was a dream worth fighting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can already read the 'poor Sasuke' and it's making me smile. But can't you see he's growing little by little?   
> Thank you so much for being here, reading, commenting having kudos, you guys are the best!
> 
> xxx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> I hope everybody is okay!  
> I just learned that I have COVID so, I'm a bit confused and distracted so I'm sorry if today's chapter has typos and I promise I'll get back to your comments that are, as always, amazing.  
> This chapter is a little bit intense so... grab a tea, sit back and enjoy!
> 
> xx

It was Sasuke’s first free day after a month of teaching the kids at the academy. The shinobi had no obligation now but he could feel he’d be bored in no time. Sasuke wasn’t the type to just go home and nap. There were dangers outside the village and somebody needed to be there to see them coming. But after many years on the road, Kakashi didn’t want him gone. The Hokage trusted him, he just wanted Sasuke to get used to live in the village again. It was difficult to accept, but he could understand.

Meanwhile, Naruto could come and go as he pleased. Sasuke was jealous sometimes, even though he knew he had brought all of this upon himself. The Jinchuuriki was out and about, always running somewhere, saving someone and fighting for what was good… Sasuke missed that shinobi life. But now that they were connected the way they were, maybe he could put this life aside for a bit and build something for the both of them.

As he was strolling through the village, Sasuke surprised himself smiling as he thought that being a househusband wouldn’t be so bad after all. Not that he was planning on quitting the ninja profession, but family days didn’t seem out of the table now. If Naruto was his family, being together in a house they could call home was better than any fight. Feeling his mighty chakra running through his body was something intoxicating. But a peaceful life? He had never thought about it before because he was convinced he didn’t deserve it.

Also, now that he was at peace with himself, the village seemed more welcoming, less unbearable. It was all Naruto’s fault. All this warmth and those smiles and the way he was forcing him to open up… how could he not want to stay here and enjoy the beauty of Konoha? Sasuke stopped in front of a fruits and vegetables stall to buy tomatoes. As he was choosing and putting the veggies in a kraft paper bag, his ears caught something he wished it had not.

“I’d never thought that little kid would be like that! He looks so innocent!”

“He’d spent too much time with that Jiraya! Yes he was a great warrior, but have you read his books? No wonder why Naruto-kun turned into a pervert!”

Sasuke’s air got stuck in his lungs. Were those people calling Naruto a pervert because of the leaked story? Those people who Naruto had saved a tremendous amount of times? That he had protected? That he was still guarding with his own life? Sasuke’s fist clenched and his mouth dried up. How could they? How could they be so disrespectful to a man they bullied as a child and who never held them accountable for it? Sasuke’s blood boiled inside him and he tried to stay silent but the giggles those two ladies added on top of their insulting speech were too much for him to act as if nothing had ever happened..

With grace and sass, he dropped the bag of tomatoes he had in his hand on the floor. The thud that the package made when it hit the floor had the manager and her customer turn to watch as the Uchiha outfaced them. They recognized him from the moment their eyes laid on the beaming sharingan in his left orbit. An icy silence fell over them as the two women avoided his murderous glance. Sasuke knew what was containing him: Naruto. His friend wouldn’t want him to cause a scene or be cruel to the villagers, even if those people didn’t deserve his kindness. He had learned his lesson. It was wrecking his heart to let go, but he did.

Without a word, Sasuke left the small shop and walked away, his heart still beating fast in his chest. Yes, it was his fault this story was out there and there was only Naruto mentioned… but how could people blame him for it? Naruto was not writing about himself! Those villagers were only waiting for one occasion to talk shit about him. You couldn’t erase years of bullying and prejudices just like that. Sasuke could bet his second hand that none of them even realized that they were hurting the shinobi. For them, Naruto was a symbol, a receptacle, a warrior… they didn’t see him as a human. They didn’t when he was a child, why would they now?

Sasuke’s pain led him to the river. He was tired of the crowd and afraid he might hear something that would really unleash the beast inside him. He was frustrated by the lack of missions, the fact that he was stuck in his relationship with Naruto and those rumors… If only he could escape the village for one day…

The sun was high in the sky and its rays shone on the water like little sparkling diamonds. At least, he could count on the beauty of the nature surrounding Konoha to cheer him up. He sat down on the riverbank, his feet dangling and laid back in the grass. “A tomato with salt would have been perfect right now”, he sighed.

His peaceful moment didn’t last. As he was observing the shapes of the clouds above his head, he heard the loud and cheerful voice of his friend breaking the quietness inside his brain.

“Sasuke-kun!!”

He turned his head and sat back as Sakura and Kakashi were walking in his direction. The Rokudaime had his hands in his pockets, his face hidden behind his usual mask and eyes that looked like they had not closed in three weeks. The pink-haired girl jumped by his side with a bright smile.

“What are you doing all by yourself?”

“I was just taking a break.” He shrugged.

“Great! I forced Kakashi-sensei out of his office for lunch. We can have a pic-nic, the three of us! Right, sensei?”

Kakashi sighed with content as he sat next to them. The two men observed the kunoichi laying food on a tablecloth. She had everything they needed and laughed when Sasuke’s stomach manifested itself.

“Well, someone is hungry! Here you go!” Sakura said while handing him an onigiri.

He thanked her and they started eating in silence, enjoying the sound of the birds chirping in the trees and the water under their feet. After drinking in his water bottle, Kakashi finally opened his mouth.

“I know you’re mad I’m not letting you out, Sasuke.”

“What can I say? It’s not like you’re giving me a choice.”

“You know why I’m doing this. I think Konoha is growing on you again.”

“Maybe.” Sasuke shrugged. 

“Something tells me you’re not so mad to be around. Am I right?”

Sasuke frowned and spun his head to look at his former sensei. He could not see behind the mask, but his jaded eyes were clearly smiling. Was he making fun of him? That’s when it hit Sasuke. With his jaw tense and his eyes balling in terror, he looked at Sakura. The young woman was avoiding his glance and pretending to find the grass around them very interesting.

“You told him.” He said with both resent and fear.

“I didn’t!” She protested, cheeks so red he could mistake her for a strawberry. “I promise you, Sasuke-kun. He asked so many questions but I didn’t say anything!”

“And how does he know?!” He spat out.

“Oi, oi, oi. Sakura didn’t say anything. I guessed. Though, it wasn’t very difficult to speculate about the author of that wonderful story.” Kakashi chuckled.

Sasuke was fuming. This was probably the climax of humiliation. Out of all people, Kakashi had to know he was the one writing porn about Naruto. The same Naruto he had swore to hate when they were kids. The same Kakashi who was a porn-literature addict. What in the fucking world had he done to deserve such treatment?

“I just wanted to say that… you’re not that bad!” Kakashi added with a mocking giggle he couldn’t hide. “Very clever use of the kage bunshin technique!”

“Sensei!” Sakura pleaded as she was holding Sasuke’s arm to contain his fury.

“Come on, Sasuke-kun. Admit it, it is funny!”

“Oh yeah? Why don’t we go to your place and make a room tour of all your perverted literature?”

“You know, in the past I would have been embarrassed but now that I’m in front of the master himself I have no issue talking about my hobbies.” The Hokage said with a smirk.

Sasuke’s whole face was on fire. He was mad but knew that was not legitimate. After all, he was the one who had written stuff like that in his diary. Kakashi was mocking him, it was only fair. But still… It was like being caught red-handed by his dad. Sasuke blushed some more and bit into his onigiri to stop himself from insulting the Rokudaime. Next to him, Kakashi was still giggling and Sakura begging him to shut the fuck up.

“Can’t we talk about something else?” She desperately asked.

But Sasuke was already sulking and Kakashi didn’t seem in the mood to change the subject. As he was about to throw the last bit of onigiri into his sensei’s mouth so he could choke on it and stop laughing like an idiot, he was stopped by his reassuring glance.

“I think it was a beautiful piece, if you want my opinion.”

“I… I don’t want your opinion.” The Uchiha stammered as redness kept spreading all over his face.

“I mean it. Not in the sexual way.” He started. “I’m not an expert on relationships but I know a thing or two about repressing your feelings about people who really matter.”

Sakura and Sasuke looked at their former sensei with lips pressed. Out of all the people in Konoha, they surely knew what he meant.

“We could read your feelings.” He went on. “People are making a fuss about it because it’s Naruto. But the truth is, you just wrote what love feels like.”

Sasuke watched his feet dangling above the water in silence. A breeze ran through his hair and he took a deep breath when Kakashi resumed eating. Between them, Sakura was sighing in relief that they weren’t at each other’s throat anymore and served them another bowl of miso soup. The embarrassment was still crawling under Sasuke’s skin but he was also warmed up by his teacher’s words. Kakashi had read between the lines and he had found what Sasuke was trying to tell. Having sex was something casual for some people. But for him, laying with Naruto would be almost sacred. He didn’t just desire his body, he was hungry for everything that made him who he was. With a smile, Sasuke finally answered:

“I bet you had a great time reading it, though. Pervert.”

The two men chuckled as Sakura was watching them in confusion. “Men are so weird,” she said while chewing on a dango and hitting them behind the head. It was good to have some sort of brotherly relationship with Kakashi. He was a bit older than Itachi, but some things felt similar. He wanted Sasuke to find his own way and even though he didn’t always have the right words, he had always been there for him. 

“You should just know that people are still talking about it. I don’t want Naruto to know… He’s too angry and destabilized. I don’t want to hurt him more. Can’t you do something, Kakashi?”

“We already took down all the posters and found all the leaflets that had been distributed. But if people kept some of it, there’s nothing I can do. I can’t ask people to give them back, it would only feed the controversy.”

“Why are they so eager to know things like that?” Sakura finally said with a sigh. “It is disrespectful.”

“Naruto is pretty popular now. Especially amongst the young ones and the girls. Those things are foods for rumors and stuff like that.”

“What do you mean?” Sasuke hastily asked. “Popular, like how?”

“It’s true.” The kunoichi added. “All the girls talk about him. He’s the hero who saved the entire world and even I have to admit that he’s grown to be a very fine man.”

His jaw clenching, Sasuke tried to ignore the jealousy poisoning his guts. So, Naruto was a coveted man? How could Sasuke never think of that? The Jinchuuriki was probably every girl’s dream right now. Beautiful, charismatic, powerful, promised to be the next Hokage, earning money like an honest man… Naruto was the biggest fish in the village. They all wanted a bite of him. How could Sasuke compete?

“Don’t worry.” Sakura said with a knowing smile, as if she had read what was inside his mind. “You have every chance.”

“Why?”

“First of all, because Naruto is completely clueless about the effect he has on girls  _ and _ boys. And second, because he wants you. I already told you that.”

It was tough for Sasuke to know where his heart laid. Was what Sakura told him enough to convince the Uchiha that he really stood a chance? Or was he going to listen to his inner shyness and never seize the opportunity? If only the stakes weren’t so risky, he probably would have done it already. 

On his way home, Sasuke mulled over his thoughts again and again. If Naruto was - in fact - interested in him, couldn’t he say it? He was known to never keep his feelings for himself, why couldn’t he do it? Sasuke sighed and crashed into his bed. Naruto’s scent from last time had vanished. There was no trace of his visit. With another grumble, Sasuke removed the sheets from his bed and started to do his laundry. This life felt dull. If Naruto didn’t come to brighten up his existence, what was the Uchiha doing there?

He knew that fleeing the village again was not a good solution for Konoha itself. But for him, it would make things better. If he couldn’t be with Naruto and his friend found a cute girl to build his own family, he would not be able to stand there and watch. Solitude was better than witnessing what could have been.

On the next day, Sasuke still didn’t have anything to do with his time. Kakashi was tough with him. Maybe the Hokage thought he needed some time off, but Sasuke knew that being alone and mull over was not his forte. Especially when so many things were happening around him. Slowly, people were moving on and growing up and he still had not found his place in the world. Where did he belong? With whom? Sasuke sighed and watched by the window, a mug of coffee in his hand. The sky was turning grey today. It was a good day to stay home but Sasuke didn’t want to do nothing with his free time. After his meager breakfast, he found several large bags and brought them with him in the village. He had neglected that task for too long now and he didn’t have much time left to do it.

Konoha was already woken up when he strolled through its streets. The more he approached the Uchiha compound, the less noisy the place was. That neighborhood was kind of abandoned. There were only a few people living there, most of them were poor. Sasuke walked in silence until he crossed the entrance of the quarter and looked around. It was as peaceful as he had left it the last time he had come. The shinobi lowered his gaze and saw a red flag planted on the ground. This was the sign that someone came here to look around and approve the wrecking of that neighborhood. 

Sasuke had promised himself he would not make a scene about it, but it was becoming real. It hurt him in ways he could not express. The young man swallowed and pressed his lips to avoid the wobbling of his chin. He missed his parents, his grand-parents, his big brother and all the people that saw him grow up. With his bags still hanging on his shoulders, he walked to his old house. On the porch of every house, there was a red flag. Sasuke’s heart tightened in his chest and he tried to forget what this meant. Their homes would be destroyed, but Sasuke would honor their memory the best he could.

When he finally arrived in front of his former house, the flag had fallen on the ground. It rolled with the help of the wind and bumped against his foot. Sasuke looked at it and smiled. It was as if his family, the leader of the clan, was still resisting. A chill crossed his spine as he caressed the crack on the wall. 

“I’m home.” He said while taking off his shoes in the genkan. 

Nobody answered but Sasuke wasn’t so sad. He knew that somehow, they were watching over him. After a quick tour of the house, he walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboards. The rats had eaten what his mother had left so many years ago. Mikoto had always been so neat, she would be enraged to see her kitchen like that and to know that her son had no one to cook for him when he had been abandoned by the town. 

Sasuke found the tableware and chose a bowl she used to serve him rice. He also found his father’s favorite glass and the chopsticks his brother used to take away with his bento. The shinobi stored everything in the bags and moved on to the next room. He found books, a set of calligraphy and the old blanket his mother used to wrap him with when he was just a little bean. Instead of feeling sad, Sasuke filled himself with the memories those objects brought him. They were all dusty and didn’t smell like they used to anymore, but it was alright. He could make more memories with them to honour the dead.

While he was going through his dad’s old kimono and yukata, he heard a thud coming from the living room. Sasuke frowned and his blood boiled inside his veins. Who dared coming to this place without his permission? Who dared entering  _ his _ house? Without thinking about it for one second, he used his Rinnegan to transport himself into the living room, already kneading chakra in his hand to create a chidori.

“Ow! Sasuke! It’s just me!”

Naruto was standing before him, his arms rising up above his head and big blue eyes asking for mercy. Instantly, the Uchiha relaxed and sighed.

“I could have killed you, baka.”

Naruto chuckled and looked around him with a sad smile. Sasuke observed him in his old house. It was an odd vision. If things had been different, maybe Naruto would have been invited to his home when they were kids. It was probably impossible since no one trusted the Uchiha around Kyuubi, but who knew? Perhaps he wouldn’t have been so cruel to the Uzumaki if he had been happier himself. 

Now, Naruto was tall, all grown up and confident. He was standing with all his largeness and his blond hair looked weird in this place where only people with dark hair and black eyes had stood. But he was the only person deserving to be there. To Sasuke, it was him and nobody else.

“I’m sorry for intruding. Lee told me he saw you with bags earlier and you were heading here so I thought I could help… if you want me, of course.”

“Aren’t you on a mission?”

“Not today. But I might have one in a couple of days. As long as I am here I’d like to spend some time with you.”

The two boys stared at each other in silence. It wasn’t awkward, just calm. Though, none of them could stop the redness invading their cheeks and the shy smile blooming at the corner of their lips. Naruto chuckled with embarrassment as he strolled around the room. The Uchiha were neat and there was nothing out of place in their home. Even with the dust and the weird atmosphere, it still looked perfectly clean.

“It’s a beautiful home.” Naruto simply said.

“Have you seen the yard?”

After seeing him shake his head, Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s wrist and brought him to the rôka. The wooden floor was severely attacked by dirt and mold but the garden had remained peaceful. Sasuke observed how the lichen had covered the decorative rocks around the water point. The pond was now dark green but it seemed like the carps had survived. Sasuke could see their dorsal fins appear from time to time when they were trying to catch something at the surface.

“I’ve always dreamed about having a house like this.” Naruto said as he stared at the Uchiha’s symbols painted on the wall. 

The white and red painting had faded but you could clearly see the fan shape. Sasuke felt his heart tightening in his chest. They were both two wounded men standing in the place where a massacre had occurred. Even if that was his family, Naruto was intimately linked to Sasuke’s past, present and future. 

“I can’t imagine what it was like to be all alone from day one.” He said, his eyes back on the pond.

“This is the first time you acknowledge that having nothing at all is painful.” The blond answered with a sad smile.

“You know I was stupid. I’ve always… I’ve always felt bad about your fate.”

“I know. I’m teasing you.” Naruto added with a chuckle that hid the pain in his heart. “It just feels good to hear you say that it’s not because I never had a family that I can’t be hurt as much as you.”

Sasuke lowered his gaze, feeling shitty as he always was when he was reminded how awful he had been to Naruto. Sasuke had always been the one the Uzumaki had comforted, even though he had been the one that had faulted. This time would be different.

“I’m sorry. I truly am, Naruto.”

“I know… why don’t we go inside to find some other stuff you can take, uh?”

But he wouldn’t let go of him that easily. As Naruto was walking away from him, Sasuke grabbed his wrist again and pulled the young man against him to hug him tight. His arms now firmly wrapped around Naruto, the Uchiha tried to make him feel all the love he had inside. First astonished, the blond slowly gave in and let his body soften against Sasuke. He lifted his own arms to wrap them around his friend’s back and pull him even closer.

Standing on the rôka of the Uchiha’s old home, they held each other as the rain started to pour. The splashing of the drops against the tiles and Naruto’s breath in his neck were the perfect combination. Sasuke closed his eyes for a moment and breathed in to intoxicate himself with his scent. Time had stopped and none of them seemed able to move. Sometimes, Naruto rubbed the flat of his hands on Sasuke’s back to comfort him and the brunette answered with a light caress on his neck with the tip of his nose. It was intimate and soft. They didn’t need to talk, they knew.

Slowly, Naruto parted from Sasuke and looked at his friend in the eyes. Lost in the azure orbs, the Uchiha couldn’t stop staring at him. It was like getting hypnotized. Only Naruto had that power on the genjutsu master. Suddenly very aware of his own body, Sasuke could feel the beating of his heart echoing in his ears and the way he was standing so close to Naruto. The blood rushed in his cheeks when he realized how thin the gap was between them. Naruto was staring everywhere and he could see him from a perspective it was impossible to hide from.

In his eyes, Sasuke could see the tenderness but also the languishing. It made it even harder for him to breathe. He watched the Uzumaki lowering his glance and felt the burning tingle on his lips. Naruto was staring at his mouth and the gap was slowly reducing. He was going to kiss him, it was imminent. The warm breath landed on his skin and Sasuke felt his whole body melt when he saw Naruto closing his lids and tilting his head slightly to the side. A quiet gasp escaped his lips as his back shivered from the sudden proximity. A kiss from Naruto, it was all he wanted, all he needed.

At the last second, he turned his head and gently pushed Naruto with his hand on his chest. The Uzumaki opened his eyes at once but Sasuke was already avoiding the confrontation. His insides were burning and he wanted to cry. But there was no way he was going to let Naruto kiss him without telling him the truth about what he had done. Confused, the blond pouted and blushed. After clearing his throat, the shinobi got back inside Sasuke’s house in silence. The Uchiha watched him walk away and he felt like shit.

He rubbed his temples and sniffled, hoping he had not ruined anything between them. The brunette followed his friend without a word and found him in his parents’ room where Sasuke had left the bags. Naruto was neatly folding the yukata laying on the bed. He didn’t seem angry, just passably embarrassed and confused. How couldn’t he? From the outside it probably looked like Sasuke was playing with his feelings.

“Is there anything else you want to take?” He finally asked and Sasuke could hear that he was trying his best not to sound bitter.

“Hm… I think there are pictures in that closet and I wanted to bring them with me.”

The blond nodded and let Sasuke look by himself, out of respect. Kneeled in front of Fugaku’s and Mikoto’s closet, the brunette opened the old boxes until he found what he was looking for. There were dozens of pictures of the clan. The Uchiha took the massive box out and sat on the floor. Diving inside his memories, the first picture he grabbed was one of his big brother holding him in his arms. Sasuke was just a baby with rosy cheeks, thick black hair on the top of his round head and tiny hand holding Itachi’s thin finger. 

“What is it?” Naruto asked as he sat on the floor too.

Sasuke smiled and handed him the picture. He watched his friend’s face split with a bright smile as he contemplated baby Sasuke in his brother’s arms.

“Waw… can you believe we were this small once?”

“Not really…”

“You look so peaceful when you’re with him.” Naruto added as he scrolled through the pile of photos involving the two brothers. “I can’t imagine how it must have felt when all of that happened. This couldn’t make sense to you… He was such a good brother.”

Sasuke didn’t have anything to say. Naruto was discovering his family through the pictures years after the tragedy. He knew everything there was to know about them and he looked as broken-hearted as Sasuke was. In a way, it was helping the young man to cope with the tragedy. 

“Look how cute you are!” He giggled as he showed the Uchiha a picture of his old self holding a piece of watermelon, the juice leaking from his tiny chin.

“I was probably three there.” He said with a smile.

“You were a beautiful baby!”

“Is there no… picture of you at all?” Sasuke asked as he noticed Naruto’s eyes turning glassy.

“I don’t think so. Maybe at the academy. But nothing from before.”

Sasuke nodded and cleared his throat in embarrassment. Naruto was here, even if it probably hurt him to witness that Sasuke had had a family. He was here to comfort his friend in those times of need. Sasuke wanted to do something for him too.

“Why don’t we… never spend another day without taking pictures?” He said, the shyness crawling back.

“What?”

“It’s not fair that everyone has memories and you don’t.”

“Let’s not compare our miseries. It’s just pictures, Sas-”

“I know. They won’t bring my family back, they won’t give you your childhood back but… it’s never too late to create memories, right?”

The Uzumaki stared at Sasuke who was actively biting the inside of his cheeks. Maybe that was a stupid idea. Maybe Naruto would laugh at him but he had no idea on how to make things better for his best friend. He was always pretending that everything was fine just so no one would worry. He was always carrying the burdens for others. Sasuke just wanted to lift the weight off of his shoulders, for once. Finally, the blond gave him a warm smile.

“Thank you, Sasuke. I actually never thought about that…”

“Let’s start now.” The Uchiha said with a shrug.

“What?”

Sasuke crawled to the closet and looked for his parents’ old camera. The engine was ancient and dusty, but Sasuke was pretty sure it still worked. He turned it in his hand and switched it on. A loud ‘bip’ echoed in the room and he observed the screen.

“3 pictures left and only a few minutes of battery! Come on!”

“What? Now? Here?” Naruto shouted, confused.

“Come on! The battery is almost dead!” He said while pulling the Uzumaki next to him.

When the Uzumaki was finally seated by his side, Sasuke leaned against him and stretched his arm in front of them. Cheek-to-cheek, the two boys looked directly into the lens. Sasuke pushed the button and a white flash blinded the both of them. They giggled and before Naruto could part from him, the Uchiha turned his face and clicked on the button again. This time, his lips were shyly kissing Naruto on the cheek. He had no idea why he had done that but the two men acted as if nothing had happened. With an embarrassed chuckle, Sasuke put the camera in his bag.

“I’ll show you the picture when they’re done.”

Naruto did not answer but the Uchiha noticed the way his friend was touching his cheek from time to time. He smiled without a word, his heart swelling in his chest. Maybe Sakura was right, maybe he did have a chance. He would tell Naruto everything. He just needed to do it in a better environment. 

After looking through all the albums, Sasuke decided to take them all. Almost the whole clan was in these pictures. Maybe someday, they could be used to honour their memories. He closed the bags and made a last tour of the house with Naruto. Finishing his journey in Itachi’s room, Sasuke covered the hole he had previously made with a tatami and glanced at the wooden slat where Itachi had carved Shisui’s name. He blushed and tried not to show his embarrassment to Naruto who was already looking through Itachi’s clothes.

“You should take this!” The Jinchuuriki said, holding his big brother net tops.

“Why?”

“Because I noticed you don’t wear those… and they are… practical.”

“Practical?”

“Just take them!” He said with rosy cheeks. “Also these tops.”

Naruto took out Itachi’s black tops with the high necks. Sasuke used to wear the same in royal blue when he was a genin. He grabbed the piece and looked at it. They were a bit tight for him.

“Why should I take them? They don’t fit me anymore. Itachi was 13 when he was wearing those.”

“Because they are the classic Uchiha attire. You can ask someone to make the same for you, for your kids.”

Inside him, a feeling of warmth and security bloomed. Sasuke could make everything familiar again, if he recreated what was once his life. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that. Wasn’t his childhood a lie?

“I don’t know if I should revive the past.”

“Mh… why?” Naruto asked with his head tilted to the side.

“Because… I don’t know if I want to be reminded of my Uchiha DNA all the time.”

“It’s not like you can escape it, Sasuke. You are a Uchiha and you should be proud of it. I think you looked good with these clothes. But if this is too painful, I understand.”

Sasuke sighed and folded the shirt to put it in his bag. Naruto was right, there was nothing to hide. His parents had loved him. His clan had loved him too. Just because they weren’t what Sasuke used to think they were when he was 6 didn’t mean that his childhood had been a masquerade. 

“Well, I think we’re good!” Sasuke announced with a sigh of relief.

With the heavy bags on their backs, Naruto and Sasuke walked back to the Uchiha’s apartment. The sun was now setting down and he realized he had spent the whole day in his old house to say goodbye. He had promised he would come back just to make sure he could pay his respect to his family one last time and left with his best friend brooding him. He was tired, hungry and in need of comfort.

As they stopped in front of his door and he opened his apartment, Sasuke helped Naruto to put the bags inside. They both drank a large glass of freshwater and washed their dusty hands. 

“You… you want to stay tonight?” Sasuke stammered while forcing himself to keep his sight focused on Naruto.

“Hm… I think I’m gonna go.”

A rock fell into Sasuke’s stomach. Naruto had never rejected his invitations before… even less after a day like this. Sweat started to cover his hand and he tried to hide his embarrassment by scratching his head and pressing his lips together. Why was he so upset? Why did he want to cry so badly? It wasn’t like Naruto had told him he didn’t want to see him anymore. Why did it feel like a romantic rejection? 

“Uh, oh. Okay.” That was all he managed to articulate.

Naruto washed the glass he had just used and the Uchiha watched him do it in confusion. His uneasiness had made him hot and cold at the same time and he realized how vulnerable he was about everything involving Naruto. They had spent the day in this intimate space and he had thought that it would have been normal for them to spend the night together. Naruto had imposed himself when he had needed it. Why would he go away now?

“Can I ask… why?” He risked, his voice way more high-pitched than he hoped.

Naruto dried his hands on a cloth and took a big breath before looking at the Uchiha in the eyes. His face wasn’t laughing anymore. He was unreadable and it destabilized Sasuke. The young man wasn’t used to confront a serious Naruto.

“I just don’t know how to act around you anymore.” He started with a tone of weariness. “One minute you’re hot, the next you’re cold. I’m kind of confused.”

The silence that followed Naruto’s words was a painful and embarrassing one. He was right, so how could he respond to that? Completely speechless, Sasuke watched as Naruto was waiting for an answer that would never come.

“See? I don’t understand what you want and… It hurts me.”

His lips pressed together, Naruto waited some more but sighed as nothing came. Sasuke was mute but inside, he was screaming. He had been taken by surprise. He had no idea Naruto was waiting for him… like really waiting. Had he missed all the signs? Had he been so clueless? Did his lack of confidence really ruin things between them? He wanted to pull Naruto in his arms and kiss him with everything he had… but he was unable to do that. This wasn’t him. He wasn’t passionate, languorous and warm like him. He was just… Sasuke.

“I’m gonna go, okay?” Naruto gently said as he picked Sasuke’s chin with the tip of his fingers. “I’ll see you soon.”

Sasuke heard him grab his jacket and put on his shoes in the lobby. A cold sweat glided down his back and he felt a tear escape his eyes. He had to talk, he had to say something. Why was he such a coward? He had to move. Now. He heard the door open but it didn’t close right after. Naruto was still waiting for him to run after him and he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he? Why was he so different from his brother? 

Another sigh and the door finally shut.

“Na...Naruto!” He finally shouted as he followed him in the hallway of his building.

The blond was almost disappearing into the stairs. He turned slightly to look at the Uchiha running bare feet outside of his home. Naruto frowned as he watched the tear rolling on his friend’s cheek and the look of distress he was giving him.

“Don’t… I… I…” Sasuke stammered. But nothing came. He had no idea what to say. The truth was that he had run after him with his heart ripped out of his ribcage. He had felt completely abandoned and powerless. Emptied from his strength, his heart breaking with Naruto’s words repeating themselves in his skull, Sasuke was persuaded that he had lost his friend.

“Hey!” Naruto blurted as he let go of the door leading to the stairs and walked to Sasuke. “What’s going on?”

But Sasuke was unable to answer. His hand was tearing the hem of his shirt to find comfort and his jaw was clenching as if to retain the sobbing from taking over him. He wanted to look for reassurance into Naruto’s eyes but he couldn’t face him, too ashamed of having ruined their relationship. He coughed to hide the tears and pretended his eyes weren’t wet but Naruto was directly looking at the salted drop that had finished its course in his neck. The thoughts were bouncing in his head and it was so painful to feel his heart breaking that he was unable to catch one and tell Naruto what was weighing on his heart for years.

“Oi! Sasuke!” The Uzumaki called him with a pressing but worried tone as he cupped his face and forced him to look at him. 

The Uchiha swallowed heavily and sniffled while trying to block the sobs in his throat. Instantly, Naruto’s grip became softer and his thumbs started to rub his cheeks with tenderness. This simple touch worked miracle on the Uchiha.

“Why are you so upset?” He gently asked.

“I… know I’m not what you expect me to be.” Sasuke said, ashamed and on the verge of losing it. “But I just came here to say that I don’t want to lose you.”

“Lose me? Who said you were going to lose me?”

“Y… you just said…”

“I said you confused me. Not that I was leaving you alone, baka.”

Sasuke felt dumb. But his restlessness didn’t go away. The pain and anxiety had hurt him so badly that he was unable to see things clearly. Naruto shook his head when he saw Sasuke’s bare feet on the dirty floor and walked him back to his apartment. The Uchiha thought he was going to stay but Naruto didn’t enter and leaned on the doorstep with a soft smile that was enough to light up the whole room.

“I’m never leaving you. Even if you reject me. You know that, right?” He asked as he took Sasuke’s hand.

In the loneliness of his empty home, Sasuke didn’t want to sound like he was being capricious. He knew exactly what he was supposed to tell Naruto. He should have told him about the story first and apologize. By this time, Naruto would have forgiven him already. Now, the lies were piling on and he was stuck in that awkward situation with a man who loved him and he was unable to say it back because of his stupidity and lack of confidence.

“I’m not mad, Sasuke.” Naruto tried again. “I know it is hard for you and you just had a very long and intense day. I just want you to reflect on what we are and realize that you can’t expect me to wait forever if I don’t know what you really feel for me. You understand?”

“I… I had no idea that you… you felt things for me.” Sasuke finally admitted.

“Oh come on! Really?” Naruto insisted. “You think I just hold my friends, sleep in their beds and kiss them just for the sake of it?”

Sasuke wasn’t feeling dumb. He was dumb. He was so convinced that Naruto could never love him the way he did that he had never tried to read between the lines. And frankly, Naruto had almost printed a whole “I love you, Sasuke” book for him. And he had been clueless the whole time.

“It’s… I thought I was making up stories in my head. I’m sorry.” Sasuke said and looked at his feet to avoid the accusatory glance.

“O-okay… Well, just so you know, Uchiha Sasuke. I like you.” Naruto asserted with a touch of shyness in his voice. “In a… romantic way. Now that we’re clear on that, I’ll let you think about it… about us.”

The blond waited long enough for Sasuke to lift his head and nod. His stare was warm and reassuring. Naruto was not mad, he was just as scared as Sasuke was. Once more, he had been a braver man than him. Sasuke wanted to jump in his arms and let him carry him on the bed and make love to him. But that wasn’t what they needed now. At least, not what Naruto needed. 

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked again.

“Yes… You can go. Thank you.”

“Don’t cry, okay?”

Sasuke muffled an ‘I’m not crying’ and made Naruto giggle. Feeling like a kid who just got scolded by a grownup, Sasuke sniffled and thought about how he should say goodbye without feeling too awkward. Naruto decided for the both of them when he leaned slightly and laid a thoughtful peck on top of his head before disappearing in the hallway. 

Standing against the door after closing it, Sasuke let the warm tears flood out of his eyes again. Naruto liked him. His heart was full and nothing - not even the thought that it was now urgent that he’d admit he was the author of that damn story - could take this away from him.

Lit by a candle flame, Sasuke spent the entire night writing Naruto a letter. If he wasn’t able to talk to his friend, he knew he could put his feelings down on the paper. It was a long letter but he didn’t cross out words once. He was so certain about his feelings that he didn’t need to think about what to write. It was just like when he was scribbling about his fantasies: limpid and thoughtful. Sasuke poured his entire heart in that letter and when he finished it, he fell asleep on his kitchen table as the sun was slowly waking up the village.

When he opened his eyes, his back hurt and he had a little bit of dried drool on his chin. Sasuke yawned and stretched his sore muscles. This was a new day and even if he had only slept a couple of hours, bent in half, he had everything he needed in that envelope.

After a long shower, he picked the clothes he felt the most confident in and dressed with a lighted heart. He was scared, but if Naruto really liked him, he would understand. Especially after reading his letter. Sasuke was opening his heart to him, apologizing for the wrong he had caused him and asking for his forgiveness. It had never been this easy to confess what he was feeling. If only fate was not playing against him again.

Sasuke had thought about everything in his head but had forgotten about the fact that he couldn’t possibly control everything. His letter in his pocket, he was walking toward Naruto’s neighborhood. He had no idea if the shinobi already left for his mission, but he wanted to drop the letter now before changing his mind out of fear. 

On his way to his friend’s house, a loose paper flew with the wind and landed at his feet. The Uchiha frowned and grabbed the piece of paper. It was a photocopy of what looked like a journal. He couldn’t recognize the hand-writing but his eyes instantly caught a few words here and there. It was another sex story involving Naruto. Feeling nauseous, Sasuke’s skilled eyes printed the whole thing in his brain before he could tear the copy apart.

A rush of saliva accumulated in his mouth and it took every strength he had to not puke in the trash can by the corner. Sasuke couldn’t believe someone was mocking them that way. He looked around, hoping this would be a bad prank played by Kakashi or Sakura, but all he could see were the usual villagers. While he was hopelessly praying for this new story to stay secret, he caught several people holding the same piece of paper in their hands. Someone had written a fake story and distributed it during the night. 

A minute later, Sasuke stormed inside the Hokage’s office. His former teacher was here, looking jaded as usual. Next to his desk, Sakura was standing there too. She turned, surprised to see him, but when he looked at her, Sasuke knew that they had all received the news.

“I didn’t write it.” He bluntly said. “I’m not the author of that shit!”

“We know, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura gently answered. “We recognize your writing.”

“He can’t see this, Kakashi! He can’t!” He almost begged the Hokage, as if he could make it magically disappear.

“I have to send Naruto outside of Konoha soon. With a little bit of luck, he won’t see it. Calm down.”

But Sasuke couldn’t remain calm. If Naruto saw this, his hope for forgiveness would fly away. His friend would never believe he was not the author of that second story and he would never trust him again. The Uchiha couldn’t believe this was happening the day he was going to admit his mistakes. Was it a sign from the universe? Before he could say another word, the door slammed open and the storm entered.

“What the fuck!?”

The three of them turned to look at Naruto throwing a dozen copies on Kakashi’s desk. Sasuke didn’t even dare to look at the Uzumaki but he could hear his short breath and feel the heat coming out of his body. He was furious and humiliated once more and Sasuke felt like it was his fault all over again.

“Have you all seen this?” He bitterly spat out. “You told me you were going to do something about it, Kakashi-sensei!”

“Naruto, I can’t control what people write. It’s a joke, calm down.”

“What the fuck it’s a joke? Since when is it okay to humiliate people like?”

The young shinobi hit the desk with his fists and faced the sixth Hokage. His jaw was clenched and he was here to get answers.

“If this is a joke, why am I not laughing? After all, I’m the one in those disgusting stories, right?”

“No one is laughing at you, Naruto.” Kakashi tried to calm him, but in vain.

“Yeah? Why don’t you take a look outside and see how people are so glad they have finally something to use against me?”

“You’re being paranoid. People are going to forg-”

“What did you just say, sensei?” Naruto shouted as he was losing his temper. “Paranoid? Me? Do any of you know what it’s like to be me?!”

Silence fell in the room and the only sound was coming from Naruto’s lungs. Sasuke still couldn’t look at his friend and Sakura seemed almost frozen in fear. But the kunoichi realized she might be able to calm and reason Naruto.

“Naruto… nobody thinks less of you because of those stories…” She tried as she laid her hand on his trembling arm.

“What about what I think of myself?”

The thought of Naruto losing self-confidence because of him lit a fire inside Sasuke’s soul. He felt the letter burning in his pocket and realized all the wrong he had caused him. Kakashi and Sakura were taking Naruto’s fury to protect him and it wasn’t fair.

“But… it’s not insulting.” She added with a soft voice. “Have you read it? The first one?”

“No! Why would I? Do you want me to feel disgusted with myself?” 

His words were piercing through Sasuke’s heart. The Uchiha could feel Sakura’s glance on him as she was wincing from embarrassment. He didn’t want her pity but she couldn’t help but feel like she had to protect him.

“If you’d read it, you would have seen how thoughtful the story is. The person who wrote it cares deeply about you.”

“I don’t care!” He shouted with a trembling voice. “Don’t tell me you’re siding with them? I’m the one suffering right now! I’m the one whose name is on the front page! And if you know who the author is, tell me! Now!”

Sensing the situation was getting out of control, Kakashi stood up and interfered.

“Naruto! That’s enough! Do not use your rage against Sakura.”

Naruto was about to retort again but he stopped himself right away and chewed the inside of his cheeks with a look of remorse. That was why Sasuke always felt like Naruto would remain superior to him: the boy only knew kindness. The sharingan bearer was trapped and realized that he couldn’t escape anywhere anymore.

“I just feel like you’re hiding something from me and I hate it.”

“We’re not, Naruto. I swear we don’t want to hurt-”

“Sakura. Enough.”

The kunoichi looked at Sasuke who had opened his mouth for the first time since Naruto had stormed in. Kakashi sighed and sat back on his Hokage chair. The man looked already tired. The Uchiha dived into the turquoise of her big eyes and tried to reassure her. But the truth was: he was terrified. Naruto’s reaction and the consequences of his confession would determine his whole future. 

With his heart drumming in his chest and sweat covering his hand, Sasuke tried to ignore the fear planting its claws in his soul. This was an important moment and he had to be brave. He couldn’t bear to be the cause of Naruto’s distress but he was also unable to watch him cut the precious bonds he had formed with his friends. He was guilty and he was going to take his responsibilities. Sakura tried to dissuade him by shaking her head but his decision was taken. It was now or never.

Naruto looked at him, brows knitted and fists still clenched. The two locks of blond hair made him look wild and the way his eyes were focused on him gave chills to Sasuke. With a last, silent prayer, the Uchiha finally confessed.

“I wrote it. I’m the one who wrote the story.”

Everybody had stopped breathing. Sakura was looking at her feet, Kakashi had spun his chair to face the big windows of his office and Naruto was frozen on the spot. His eyes were following Sasuke’s every move like a fox preparing to jump on his prey. But he did not say a word. His face didn’t wince and he didn’t make a single sound.

The Uchiha felt that something was breaking between them. His silence was even more uncomfortable than his fury. He was used to be yelled at by Naruto. But this time, the Jinchuuriki was just looking at him with an icy glare, as if he was a stranger.

“I didn’t mean to share it with everyone. It was a private matter that someone stole and distributed through the village.”

His voice was flat, as if he was unable to show any kind of emotions. After what had happened the day before, this was a change. But there was a real risk that Naruto would turn his back on him now and it transformed him into a machine unable to process that information. Besides, they weren’t alone. He couldn’t express how sorry he was in front of them.

“I don’t know who wrote that second story but… it is all my fault to begin with. I’m asking you to not be angry at your friends. I’m the only one to blame, Naruto.”

Sasuke looked at him and waited half a minute but nothing happened. It was like Naruto was not believing him, or that he was in a state of shock. Although, even without a sound, the three of them could feel the heated chakra radiating from the Jinchuuriki’s body. If he wasn’t showing anything on the outside, his insides seemed to boil from anger.

The weight of silence made the last protecting shield around Sasuke burst. He had to get out of here, fast. He could not handle Naruto’s bitter stare on him one more second. Every minute felt like a whole year spent waiting to know what was going to happen for him. He had taken the decision to say everything to Naruto because things were getting out of control. Maybe he had closed the door on the love of his life, but even if he was feeling miserable, the truth was out. Nothing worse could happen now.

“I want to be a substitute for Naruto’s mission, Kakashi. I think it’s better if I’m getting out of the village for a little while.”

Rokudaime turned again to face them and the icy atmosphere. He looked at Naruto, still silent but also following Sasuke’s moves like a radar. The Hokage finally stared at the Uchiha and sighed annoyingly.

“Meet Lee and Tenten at the entrance door, tomorrow at 10 a.m.”

“Thank you.” He bowed slightly to salute Kakashi and span on his feet.

His eyes met Naruto’s and it sent a thousand daggers into his heart. The Uzumaki had completely closed himself to him. Into his usually so tender gaze, there was a void, a sort of emptiness that Sasuke had never seen in Naruto’s eyes. Even when he was confronting an enemy, his friend had kept that bright flame he was so loved and admired for. 

Sasuke took a step forward and slowed down when he reached Naruto’s side to tell him he was sorry. But the look his friend gave him sent his apologies down the bottom of his throat. Unable to digest what was happening, Sasuke fled the Hokage’s office and ran down the stairs. His breath - that he had kept so controlled for the last five minutes - finally bursted out of his lungs. Legs heavy and trembling, he struggled to find his way out of the building.

He heard a feminine voice calling him but he couldn’t stop. He had to get out of here and breathe outside. He pushed everyone on his way out and raced to the entrance door. When the sun finally hit his face, Sasuke stopped and closed his eyes while taking a big and long inspiration. Behind him, he heard the door open and someone bumped brutally into him. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was Sakura. She was also out of breath for running after him. The pink-haired girl looked at him, worried and sorry for him. 

“Sasuke-kun, you didn’t have to do this now.”

“You know I had to… I told you he was being very thin-skinned about this…”

“Are you alright?” She asked while taking his hand.

“I… don’t know. Can you take care of him while I’m out? Please?”

“Of course… I’m sorry…”

Sasuke tried to smile at her but the beads of tears on the corner of his eyes betrayed him. He was miserable, but he knew he had made the right choice. Before leaving to pack his stuff, Sasuke took the letter out of his pocket and handed it to the kunoichi.

“I was planning on telling him anyway today, so… If he accepts it…”

“I’ll make sure he does.” She asserted while tiptoeing to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Sakura watched Sasuke walk away and only got back into the tower when he was out of sight. The way home felt like the last time he was seeing Konoha. When he had decided to reveal to Naruto he was the author, he had prepared himself for any kind of reactions. But his silence had sort of sealed Sasuke’s fate here. If there was no way for Naruto to forgive him, he would go away. The Uzumaki had made the promise to never leave him… but maybe he drew a line at betrayal. If only he had been able to tell Naruto the way he had planned to.

When Sasuke got home, he started packing right away. His heart was heavy, his motions almost automatic and he couldn’t feel a single thing inside him. It was only when he went to the bathroom to gather what he needed to travel that he noticed that his entire face was damp with tears. His locks of black hair were sticking to his cheeks, his eyes were red and puffy and his nose was running like a kid in distress. The realization that he had maybe lost everything hit him like a lightning stroke and he collapsed with sorrow, already grieving the love he could have had if he had been less stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys feel about it? I hope you're not disappointed and still intrigued with how things are turning out!  
> Also, I read that some of you might have issues reading the dialogues, so I tried to present it differently, I hope it's okay now!
> 
> xxx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I hope you're all doing fine!  
> I'm still hella sick, I truly hate that covid thing. That's why it took me so long to update but fortunately, that chapter was ready already so... I hope there's not too much typos because.. I can't see clearly!  
> This one is a Naruto's POV and I hope you'll like it!!!

An air flow followed Sakura’s escape into the hallway. Naruto shuddered when its coldness reached him as he heard her desperate call to their friend. Facing him, Kakashi was massaging his temples, his eyes closed with annoyance. Naruto was still not grasping what had just happened and what it meant for him and Sasuke.

The Uchiha had just dropped a bomb. He had admitted something Naruto would have never suspected. But it wasn’t the confession that surprised him the most. It was the coldness emanating from him when he confessed. Sasuke had never been good at showing emotions but still… announcing that he was writing porn about them that way… in front of everyone and after Naruto had stated it was hurting him? After all the opportunities he had to come forward but never did? What kind of human being was Sasuke? The Uzumaki took a deep breath and looked at the door the two shinobi had just crossed. He was hearing Sasuke’s words echoing infinitely inside his brain. It made something break inside him and his heart ache.

“Did he lie?” He asked in one breath.

“Do you really think Sasuke would lie about that?”

“I don’t know anymore…” Naruto answered, uncertain of everything. 

The Hokage dived into his eyes with the most reassuring look he could. Naruto needed someone to lean on right now. He had never felt so lost. Lost because he had no idea on how to process those feelings. The betrayal, the love, the friendship, the trust he had thought would be there forever… What was going to happen now?

“Naruto…” Kakashi called. “Try to not overthink this.”

“How couldn’t I?” He protested.

“This was never Sasuke’s intention to humiliate you.”

“You all knew?” Naruto asked, but it wasn’t a real question.

“Kakashi-sensei and I did.” Sakura said when she reappeared in the office.

Naruto spun on his feet and looked at her. She had that same sorry look but she seemed more resigned now. The kunoichi walked closer and pinched his cheeks with her fingers.

“We never wanted to hurt you.” She said before landing her hand on his shoulder.

“But you preferred to protect Sasuke, as always.” He bitterly responded.

“It wasn’t like that.” She sighed.

But Naruto didn’t want to hear what she had to say right now. The confusion and the pain was too vivid for him to reason right. His blood was not boiling anymore, but his heart was racing fast in his chest and he was feeling nauseous. All he wanted was to disappear and Sasuke had taken that option away from him. He had stolen his mission and now the blond would have to deal with the news and the fact that there was another porn story passing around the village. Even if the Uchiha wasn’t the author, those things would keep happening over and over.

“I have to go.” He dryly said.

“Naruto!” Sakura stopped him while he was walking out. “Take this!”

“What’s that?” Naruto asked as he looked at the enveloppe she was handing to him. “A letter, from him? I don’t want it.”

The Uzumaki didn’t let Sakura protest. He was already outside, running down the stairs. He needed fresh air, a moment to think and to be alone. On his way out, he dismissed everyone who was greeting him. That wasn’t very like himself to be rude… but he was just human after all. 

Once outside, the warmth of the sun burned his retina but he remained cold. Nothing could make him feel better now. He felt a little bit dramatic but… he was just so disappointed about everything. The colors of the sky, the smell of chicken skewers, the laughter of the people in his beloved village… nothing was making him smile anymore. He was just wandering around and trying to figure out what he was really feeling. What was this weight inside his chest? Why was he so sad about this? 

When Naruto reached the top of the Senju park, he sat on a bench and looked at the horizon. It was a beautiful sunny day and Konohagakure was flourishing under the nurturing rays of the sun. He watched the kids giggle as they ran in front of him and remembered the last time he was here. It was right before Sakura’s birthday, when Sasuke and he were discussing the possibility of sleeping under the same tent.

Naruto smiled in spite of his mixed feelings. Being with Sasuke was always very confusing. He never knew what he should say to not annoy the Uchiha. He never knew what was the next move… but one thing was certain: they were more than friends. Whether Sasuke was ready to admit it or not, he had always pushed him in that direction… not that he wanted to force him but he felt it was their destiny.

Naruto had caught Sasuke’s glance, the way he was looking at him, the smiles he was reserving to him only and everything the Uchiha was keeping to himself. At first, Naruto had thought he was dreaming, that he was hoping for it so much that he had started to see things. But as time passed, things were getting more and more obvious. The reason why he had not said anything? It was just because he didn’t want Sasuke to flee.

He knew the Uchiha too well. His shyness and his pride were always getting in the way of his happiness. If Naruto had told him anything, he would have never admitted he was right. Naruto was headstrong but Sasuke was a tough nut to crack. Even with everything they had lived together, it would take time to get close to him. 

The blond smiled as he realized how much he had accomplished. Sleeping next to him, holding his perfect body, taking care of him… little by little, Sasuke had lifted his guard. Naruto had been able to touch his soft skin with his lips and even if they had never shared a true love kiss, he had seen the chills covering Sasuke’s skin and the way his body was responding to his caresses. They were only one step away from Sasuke yielding.

That was before that morning’s debacle. Naruto lost his smile as he felt the cold wind rustle his blond hair. Why would Sasuke do something like this? And more importantly, why would he lie about it? He had seen how Naruto was feeling, what other people were doing with his stupid stories… and he had said nothing. Worse: he had let Naruto rant about it and played the perfect boyfriend with him. 

“What went wrong?” He whispered for himself.

Next thing he knew, Naruto was back in his apartment. Too many of his friends had tried to talk to him about that second story, even calling it a ‘fanfiction’. But he wasn’t in the mood to laugh about it. He would never be. How could he? It had all started with Sasuke’s mistake, his lie… Naruto had troubles believing that Sasuke had done anything to hurt him. But deep down, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed. 

The adult thing to do would be to go to the entrance gates, wait for Sasuke and ask him to explain himself. But Naruto didn’t want to be the bigger person here. He had struggled with Sasuke, tried to pace at his rhythm, waited for him even if he had rejected his kiss just yesterday… he had the right to be hurt and expect the Uchiha to come by himself. Even if that meant they’d never talk to each other again because Sasuke was too stubborn to make the first step.

A chill shook his spine as he recalled the icy tone Sasuke had used to barely apologize about what he had done. This wasn’t enough, this would never be enough. He had not said why he had done it and had barely looked at him in the eyes. Naruto felt soiled, as if he had been touched by a stranger. This wasn’t the Sasuke he loved. He wasn’t even sure he loved him, now…

An uncontrollable rush of adrenaline shocked his heart and Naruto tore his t-shirt on his chest as he was lying on his bed. “Of course you love him, moron.” He heard inside his brain. “That’s why it makes everything so painful.” Since the day he had met him, Naruto had never stopped thinking about Sasuke. The dark hair, the pale skin, the pouty mouth and the big black eyes that would soon turn red… Sasuke had been his role model, the boy he wanted to impress the most, the one he wanted to save, the hero he needed to have by his side… and it was all because he had loved him since the first day. Even with his tiny child heart, Naruto had felt Sasuke’s pain. Now, he had no idea what Sasuke was feeling since he had shut himself in the Hokage’s office. They had agreed to never do that ever again.

“What were you thinking, Sasuke?” He whispered.

Locked inside his apartment, Naruto spent two days thinking about those five minutes in Kakashi’s office. He had tried to remember every second to make sure he had not missed any information. The reality was that he had closed his ears and his brain as soon as Sasuke had confessed the truth about the story. He had not been able to hear anything else… probably because he had been too shocked. He was already regretting not having said anything. But what now? Sasuke would be back in a few days and he couldn’t possibly let go of him. His whole being was made to love Sasuke. They couldn’t stop being Naruto and Sasuke just like that.

“I was wondering when you’d finally come.” Sakura said after opening her door.

Naruto entered in the Haruno’s house and looked around. He had rarely been to her home. Her parents weren’t here and she was casually making onigiri. Sakura handed him a cup of tea and invited him to sit at the kitchen table while she was preparing the stuffing.

“I’m making umeboshi, my dad’s favorite. I’ll make extras for you and Kakashi-sensei. He’s always in his office and he deserves someone to take care of him.”

Naruto looked at her smiling while she was making sure the plum wasn’t too salted. She was soft, honest and loyal… she would have never lied to Naruto if she didn’t have a good reason. But after all, she had been protecting Sasuke. The Uzumaki knew she was biased. After sipping on his tea in silence, Naruto rubbed his face. He had no idea what to say without sounding rude.

“Naruto, talk.” She finally ordained as she was opening her rice cooker.

“Why did you keep the truth from me? I thought we were friends.” He said, sorry that she was the only target of his bitterness.

“You think I wanted to hide you something?”

“Don’t use Sasuke as an excuse. If he told you to shut up you could have been honest with me, anyway. You’re still acting like he’s some broken little boy and I am-”

“Naruto.”

Her voice sounded so bossy that the Uzumaki instantly shut up. The tough eyes, the straight jaw and the fist clenching on a ball of rice that started to crush between her fingers… For a moment, he thought he could see Tsunade. Wordlessly, Naruto sighed. It was not fair.

“Stop being childish.” She added. “You know I don’t make preferences. Not anymore. It was more complicated than that…”

“What was? I wouldn’t have told him that you spilled the beans!”

“I’m not like that! I respect my friends’ privacy!” She objected

“Sasuke’s privacy, but not mine?”

This time, Sakura fell on the chair next to him and wiped the rice off of her hands. She looked annoyed but guilty too. “Good.” Naruto thought. He needed someone to take his side.

“Naruto, Sasuke… he…”

“He what?” He spat out with impatience.

“He wanted to tell you. But everytime he was so afraid of your reaction. He was so ashamed of himself… can’t you understand it at least a little?”

Naruto bit the inside of his cheeks and looked at the cherry blossom painting on the wall facing him. Why was nobody trying to understand _him_ for a change? He was hurt and humiliated, why was nobody paying attention?

“I know you’ve suffered, okay? I’m not denying that.” She said while grabbing his big hand. “But believe me when I say that none of us wanted this. Someone stole that story and printed it for everyone to see. He had no intention to make it public!”

“But why did he write it? Why would he do something like this and be so carefree with his stuff? I thought he was the best ninja in the world?! Can’t he keep his stupid diary hidden?”

Naruto had retrieved his hand and was now pacing through Sakura’s kitchen. His face was burning hot because, even if they weren’t saying the words, Naruto was constantly reminded that everyone had read stuff about him having sex. Damn, he was a virgin and everybody knew more about his sex life than himself.

“Why are you mad, Naruto?” She asked softly while looking at him perambulate.

“I am mad because…”

Why was he mad? Naruto started biting his thumbnail and feeling a drop of sweat glide down his spine. Why was he mad?

“I am mad because he didn’t trust me enough to tell me he had made a mistake.”

The shinobi heard his friend sigh softly and pour herself another cup of tea.

“What was the mistake? That he wrote about you two or that he lost his diary?”

“Hm… both… I guess.” Naruto stammered, suddenly very insecure.

“Aren’t you flattered that he liked you so much that he couldn’t repress the need to write about you… doing… that? I know it is kind of creepy but it wasn’t meant to be shown to anyone. It’s like something you imagine in your head… I’m sure you do that too.”

Sakura was blushing too but she seemed to want to help Naruto so badly that she pretended she was fine talking about the matter. The Uzumaki looked at the redness on her cheeks but then, he noticed her confident smile. As if she already knew what Naruto was thinking.

“I’m… I don’t think that’s a good way to… he should have told me. That’s it.” He asserted. “If I didn’t know him I’d think he is some kind of twisted pervert... ”

“You know Sasuke-kun. He’s shy, he’s insecure… honestly, he didn’t want to believe me when I told him that you would forgive him.”

“What makes you think I would?”

“Come on, Naruto. Leaving the village, joining Orochimaru, attacking the kage, trying to kill me, Kakashi-sensei and everyone including you a dozen times, dragging you to the Valley of the End after the war, exploding your arm…” She was counting with her fingers. 

“Okay, okay! I got it, smart ass.” He grumbled.

“After all of that, you’re still so in love with him… there’s no way a little porn can end this.” She finally giggled.

Feeling the blood spreading on his entire face, Naruto sat back and hid behind his hands. Was it so obvious that all he could think about was the Uchiha? Probably. But he wasn’t ready to laugh about it or even feel aroused. So, Sasuke had thought about him sexually… yes, it was something he had hoped for years. But not in those circumstances.

“He was going to tell you the other day. He had prepared a letter and everything.”

Naruto couldn’t ignore what Sakura was trying to do. Of course he was curious now. He even wanted to know what this story was about. He had not dared to read it even once. Too disgusted… too ashamed.

“I have the letter… and the story if you want it.” She teased as she grabbed a ball of rice and stuffed it with the umeboshi. “It’s quite good, you know? Romantic, thoughtful and… well.” She giggled and blushed.

Sakura played well, Naruto had to admit it. Because now, on top of the disappointment, he was burning to know what Sasuke had written about them. Did the Uchiha really fantasize about them so much that he had to let go of the frustration and write about it? Couldn’t he just jerk off under the shower like everybody else?

“Did he… talk to you about us?”

“Not really.” Sakura shrugged. “I tried but… all I know is that you guys need to talk. And I’m not going to tell you what you need to hear from him.”

Naruto sighed and finished his tea. When he left Sakura’s home, he was holding Sasuke’s letter and a folded piece of paper. He put both in his pocket and walked through the town. Shikamaru, Chôji, Lee… all of his friends had knocked on his door during the past two days but he had been unable to welcome them in his apartment. Naruto wanted to be alone and process things by himself even if now, his mind was still as clouded as before.

His feet led him naturally to Ichiraku’s. He sat on a stool and smiled at the old man in front of him. The delicate aroma of the dashi boiling in front of him filled his mouth with saliva. Maybe a good bowl of noodles would help him think better.

“A miso chashu pork ramen, please old man!”

“Roger that, Naruto!”

The blond observed the cook and his daughter work in silence. The clatter of kitchen tools, the sound of the bubbles bursting at the surface of the soup and the chopping of onions on wood… it was a familiar atmosphere that had always helped him get through the difficult phases of his life. He hoped that this time, this would also be the case.

“Naruto-kun, you seem distracted!” Ayame said while pouring a glass of water to him.

“Nothing better than a bowl of ramen to warm your heart and help you fix your problems!” The old man added while serving Naruto a large portion.

The Uzumaki smiled and started to blow on the soup to try to cool it down. He ate in silence and enjoyed Ayame and Teuchi’s respectful presence. The two of them had seen him grow up and sometimes, he even felt like they belonged to his family. The cook and his daughter had been watching over him, even when nobody had believed in Naruto. The shinobi felt the letter burning in his pocket. Another one had had faith in him… even if they had kicked off their relationship with some issues. Sasuke had trusted him with his life, he had protected him like a brother would have. This wasn’t adding up.

“Old man?”

“Yes, Naruto?”

“What would you do if a friend you trusted very much… kind of did something behind your back… something that wouldn’t have hurt you if you never knew about it?”

Ichiraku started to think about it. His hand holding his chin, he pouted then smiled and added two other slices of pork into Naruto’s bowl.

“I think you need to ask yourself why your friend would lie about what he did. Was it because he didn’t want you to know he was doing something behind your back or because he didn’t want you to get hurt and break your mutual trust for something pointless?”

A silence followed the chef’s speech. It was like he knew what Naruto was talking about… or maybe the shinobi was being paranoid. Chewing over his noodles and his thoughts, the Uzumaki realized that Sasuke was sometimes a stranger to him. Since they had grown apart, many things had happened and they probably had a different vision of life and love… maybe he would get the answers in his letter. One thing was certain: he could not possibly read it in public.

Now, he was burning to know what was inside. After throwing a few coins to pay for his ramen, Naruto hastily walked home. Sasuke would come back to the village at some point and he should be perfectly ready to hear what he’d have to say. He should know where to stand the next time they’d meet.

Seated on his bed, Naruto crossed his legs and finally took the envelope out of his back pocket. The corners were a bit damaged but the recipient was perfectly announced on the front: ‘To my one and only.’ Naruto bit his lip as he felt a wave of tingle running through his veins and a feeling of guilt tearing his guts. But after many moments of hesitation, the young man finally opened the letter. 

His hands were trembling and he could feel a layer of sweat covering his entire body. Why was he so afraid about knowing the truth? Probably because Sasuke was an intense man. He was never talking about what he was feeling… but when he did, it was always making Naruto burst from the inside. In a good and a bad way.

After taking a deep breath, Naruto unfolded the paper and looked at Sasuke’s neat writing. The lines of his kanji were perfectly drawn and there was no ink stain. He was just so different from Naruto it made him smile in spite of himself. Before reading, the Uzumaki brought the piece of paper to his nose and tried to capture Sasuke’s smell. But the letter was immaculate. And Naruto instantly regretted that his friend wasn’t here to tell him the things he wanted to admit. To not miss him even more, his started reading:

“ _Naruto,_

_You don’t know how long it took me to realize I should write you a letter. I’m a coward… but you already knew that, right? I seem to be unable to tell you things when they really matter. Everything I silenced inside me led us to fight to death. This time, it is not a matter of life and death but I still managed to hurt you even if all I wanted was to make you happy. I don’t know what you feel for me. Even if we kind of talked about it… it still feels impossible that you are able to see me as a good man, worthy of your affection. Especially when you don’t know the truth which I am about to tell you. I promised myself that I would be there for you, even if you didn’t choose me as a friend and a partner. And when I say partner, I mean it in a romantic way. I know I sound very sterile when I write this but even when you’re not in front of me, I see your face observing me and waiting for me to be up to your expectations. And you might not realize it, but being worthy of you is a fucking burden. Because there’s no way that I can catch up on you in this life or in ten others. So I faulted. I thought about you in ways that you might not approve. I thought about you, your face, your lips, your body and the way it would feel against mine. Those moments where I was completely alone with my thoughts filled of you were pure bliss. You were all mine and I was free to be the man I can’t find the courage to be in real life. And you loved me back, you were proud of me and you desired me._

_Those moments were so intense but so lonely that I decided to write them down. The truth is… I kind of took example from someone else. There is this other man who was in love with his best friend and writing about it helped him find the courage to declare his feelings. They lived freely. They fed their souls with this pure love even though they were doomed. I wanted this for you and I. I think we deserve to be loved by someone who truly understands us. I don’t pretend I’m the best choice for you, but you are mine. When I was picturing the both of us entwined, naked and alone, it felt like I had a little bit of you with me._

_I’m sorry I did that. I didn’t have your permission to use you as my imaginary lover. I had no right to envision you in those intimate moments. But I did and there is nothing I can do now to erase those moments of weakness. Especially since somebody stole a piece of it and threw it to the world to see and judge. I’m sorry I was carefree. I’m sorry I caused you so much pain. I’m sorry I am the reason for your humiliation… I never wanted it, I never wanted you to find out that I loved you like this. When you told me how disgusted and soiled you felt, it broke my heart because I knew I was the author of that distress. I thought to myself that you would never forgive me for humiliating you like this. It was almost impossible for me to admit that I loved you and lie to you at the same time. I was so ashamed of myself that I rejected you and hurt you even more. I’m sorry, Naruto. I disappoint you over and over and you never cease to come back to me and forgive me. I don’t know if you will this time but know that I’ll accept whatever you decide. I’ll always be your friend, I’ll always be there to protect you and Konoha even if you don’t want me anymore._

_I wished I could just use my power to make everyone forget about that story… but that wouldn’t be right. That’s not what you taught me. I can’t escape my responsibilities every time I mess up. I shouldn’t have waited for so long. But today, you told me you needed an answer. You made me understand that there was a future awaiting and all I had to do was to seize the opportunity. So, this is what I am doing right now. Will you still have me? Will you still love the flawed man that I am?_

_I want to beg you to forgive me, but it wouldn’t be fair, right? I just hope that if you can’t forgive me, you’ll find a way to understand why I did what I did. It was out of love, just love. Because - I might have forgotten to tell you earlier in this letter but - I love you. I truly do. There’s nothing holding me back in Konoha, or even in this life, but you. I want to hold your hand at least once, look you in the eyes and declare: ‘I love you, Naruto.’ If you don’t let me do this, just know that this is what I feel and I’ll never try to cut that bond again. Whatever happens._

_I love you,  
__Sasuke._ ”

Naruto wiped his cheeks and sniffled as he stared at the piece of paper in his hands. It was all he had ever wanted to hear. It was here: Sasuke’s love commitment to him. Of course, he was apologizing for writing that stupid story, but all the Uzumaki could see were is last words. He loved him and he had been braked by his inner demons, as always. Could he be angry at Sasuke for being himself? He wasn’t able to do that because he loved him for everything he was. Even for his flaws. Sasuke had wanted to be honest in his own way, it was enough to soothe Naruto’s heart and make him whole again.

The Uzumaki read the letter several times and imagined his friend seated at his kitchen table, trying to find the right words. For once, it looked like he had succeeded quite easily. Naruto rested his head on his pillow and laid the letter on his chest, close to his heart. He understood a little bit what Sasuke said: having this piece of soul against him felt like he was not alone anymore. Maybe those stories had been a way for Sasuke to imagine what life together could be like…

It would be a lie to pretend Naruto had never imagined himself with Sasuke, in a bed, naked. Damn, the Uchiha was the only person Naruto was picturing when he was touching himself. The young man had thought about the swell of his ass in his shinobi gear, the scent of his sweat after a fight and the way his dark hair was sticking to his forehead when he was drenched. Was he a hypocrite for being so mad that Sasuke had done the same with a pencil and a piece of paper?

They had both fantasized about each other and were now fully aware of their mutual affection. Then, why was he still feeling his heart tightening in his chest? Was it because he was so afraid that people would think less of him because of that story? He had worked so hard to earn the villagers’ recognition that he wasn’t tolerating any kind of disrespect. But then again, the real Naruto wouldn’t care less about rumors and whispers, especially for something so silly. So what was wrong with him? 

He rubbed his face with his palms and sighed loudly before folding the letter and put it back into the enveloppe. This piece of evidence was precious and he needed to preserve it. On his bed-side table, Naruto contemplated the other sheet waiting for him. This one was not as neat as the first one. It looked like it had been folded several times, wrinkled in somebody’s pocket. If Sakura had retrieved it several weeks ago and hid it, it was only natural that it looked like something that belonged to the trash can. Oddly enough, the kunoichi had not thrown it away, as if she was waiting for an occasion to put it to good use.

A chill crossed his spine and his body balled underneath his blanket. His thumb between his teeth, Naruto was staring at the moon, visible from his bed. Of course, that vision made him think about Sasuke, the literal moon of his sun. The silver halo was beaming into the dark sky over Konoha, as if the Uchiha was watching over them. The vigilante of the shadows that he was had so many secrets inside his heart that Naruto felt guilty for expecting so much of him.

In the silence of his bedroom, Naruto was trying to ignore the weird buzzing coming from the piece of paper he had left on his bed-side table. It was like it was calling him.

“Paper can’t speak, idiot.” He thought for himself.

But his curiosity was burning everything inside his brain, as if he couldn’t think about anything else. Though, the idea of reading something sexual written about him was still too weird to be done without hesitation. After all, he wasn’t seeing himself as some object of lust and desire, he was just Naruto. And he had been so used being rejected by girls and by Sasuke himself, that he would never imagine that someone would think of him as desirable. Maybe that was a stupid thought. They were adults now, everything was different.

Were people looking at him differently since the release of that story? For sure, Naruto had noticed some looks. But since the end of the war, the villagers’ behavior had changed. He was greeted by everyone, especially girls. So, could he translate this sudden evolution into popularity? The blond sighed. There was no way he was what Sasuke had been when they were young. And even if the Uchiha had a very bad reputation, girls were still whispering every time he was passing by. Naruto was aware of that because he couldn’t help watching his friend and maybe… remove any obstacle that could stand in his way to Sasuke’s heart. 

Rolling on his back, Naruto sighed loudly. He was no better than Sasuke. He had done stuff behind his back… damn, he had even kissed him while he was drunk. That was not something you were supposed to do. Out of respect, he should have made sure the Uchiha wanted it too. If they had talked about it sooner, maybe they wouldn’t be caught up in an infinite uneasiness. 

Hearing his stomach call him, Naruto walked to his kitchen and boiled some water for his ramen. As he was waiting for the noodle to cook in the plastic cup, he felt vibrations coming from his bedroom. The story was calling again. Inside his brain, Naruto was hallucinating all sorts of calls. Finally, unable to ignore his consuming curiosity, the Uzumaki seized the piece of paper and went back to the kitchen. He sat on his chair, laid it on the table and - with both hands placed like blinkers to shelter him from the outside world - he started reading it.

“ _I’m in your room and the sun is starting to come out. The shy rays are caressing the skin of your back, naked under my gaze. The sheets are hiding your hips and thighs but I can see your long legs and I lay a tender kiss on your ankle. Chills cover your skin and I hear you subtly moan in your sleep. I just love when I can wake you up and your voice is still hoarse._

_My lips follow the line of your muscular calf until I reach the back of your knee and I hear you giggle as your senses awaken. My face is now hovering over your ass and you arch your loins when you feel my breath caressing the sensitive skin there. I let the sheet glide down and reveal the perfection that is your body. You don’t know how much more than a body you are to me, Naruto. I want to be able to please every particle of you because that is what you deserve. I still can’t believe I am allowed to kiss and touch you there. You’re so sensitive, especially when my tongue draws a direct line from your lower back to the inside of your ass. It’s soft, wet and so warm there. I can taste you and feel your need to let go of everything. I’m here to make you feel good and you trust me for it. You moan louder and beg me to fuck you with my tongue. You’re so good that it takes every strength I have to not devour your ass._

_I kiss your thighs, spread them and start pulling on your cock so I can kiss it too. You cry, now fully awake. Your body is also aware of what I am doing to it. You’re hard and delicious inside my mouth. I’m starting to suck your tip and you look at me with your perfect blue eyes. I know how you love seeing my face filled with your big cock. After making you call my name, my tongue goes back inside you and you beg me to go on and never stop. I’m the only one you let touch you there. Even if you’re fully into this, you can’t help rolling on your back and pulling me higher to kiss me. That’s just how you are: unable to enjoy things by yourself. You want to make me feel good too and I just need one kiss from you to feel like my life is complete._

_Your hands are everywhere on me. You touch and scratch me the way only you know how. The lust rises higher and higher and you let me rub myself against you. It feels so good when our skins are connected, it’s like we’re one and there’s nothing from the outside world that can break our bond. I can feel both of our hearts racing in our chest, but this time there won’t be any winner. We are both losing ourselves in the depth of pleasure. You’re screaming my name and I almost die because it sounds so good in my ears._

_Feeling like I need you inside me, I slip on my stomach and offer you my body. Hips high and face buried in the pillow, all I want is for you to use me to feel good. But you’re too respectful to take me without offering yourself too. I can’t blink, you’re already pulling me against your chest, your cock coiled between my cheeks. I feel like I’m going to burst when I feel a wet caress between my legs. You just created a shadow clone and while you’re easing yourself inside me, I can see a blond mane and two big blue eyes staring at my burning face as your lusty twin licks my sensitive skin._

_You move so easily inside me, every inch of you finds a place in my loins but I’m losing control. It’s too much, especially when you doubled yourself and don’t let me one second to breathe. The pleasure is rising in my groin and I can hear you cry as you bury yourself inside me, your arms around my chest, your fingers caressing my nipples and your teeth abusing my neck. I look down, and your mouth is full of me and it’s such a bliss I start to move with your hips. My hand finds your cheek and I turn slightly to catch your lips with mine. The kiss we share is wet, wild and needy but we are craving for tenderness while our bodies are abandoning themselves to pure lust._

_Your clone lets go of my crotch and comes to trap my mouth with his lips too. I can feel your desire to possess me even though you’re already having all of me. “This is not enough.” You whisper, your hand teasing the wetness dripping from me as the other you is lying on his stomach. I watch as his hips rise up to my level and_ ”

Naruto turned the sheet but realized he had already read the back. His mouth dry, cheeks boiling and breath short, he stared at the last line and realized he was completely hooked.

“And what?” He said out loud, annoyed and ashamed that his groin was throbbing in his pants.

By the time he had finished reading the story and grasped the idea that he was dying to know the rest of it, the ramen in his cup had turned completely soft… unlike his cock. 

His brain clouded by millions of thoughts, Naruto tried to ignore the fire rising in his loins and the fact that he really wanted to slip his hand down his pants. Eyes wet and mouth dry, he folded the sheet and took a deep breath. He couldn’t touch himself. That wasn’t fair. After the scene he had caused and the days of sulking, he couldn’t possibly use Sasuke’s secret story to jerk off. But at the same time, he was the main subject of that story and Sasuke would probably feel great to know that Naruto had liked it.

“Arghhhh!” He grumbled and shoved his pillow in his mouth with frustration. 

Why were things so complicated? Why did Sasuke never come forward about it? About his feelings? As if Naruto would ever treat him differently if he wasn’t reciprocating his love. Feeling the tension still very present between his legs, Naruto clenched his thighs and groaned some more. There was one thing he could do: take a shower and pretend he was casually jerking off, like he would usually do after a long day.

But even after taking the edge off, he couldn’t stop thinking about Sasuke’s words on that piece of paper. It wasn’t just porn, it was a whole story. You could read his intentions, the love he was putting between those lines. Ero sennin had not written stories like that… maybe because he didn’t feel anything but lust for his subjects. As shy and mutic as Sasuke had always been, he was revealing himself through writing. It gave Naruto a sense of hope. Maybe the both of them would be finally able to communicate and find an arrangement when he’d get back.

Days passed and the Uzumaki stayed alone. It wasn’t a painful loneliness but more of a time to reflect on the situation. To find what to say to Sasuke was a hazardous trial. After Naruto’s scene in Kakashi’s office, would he still be open for dialogue? Nothing was certain with a man like Sasuke. His only hope was that he had promised to never let him down and had given the letter to Sakura-chan anyway. There was hope, he was sure of it.

At dawn, on the fifth day, Naruto finally decided to walk out and go to Kakashi’s office. He had no particular desire to go on a mission, but he thought that he could at least pay him a courtesy visit. The Hokage was half asleep in his chair when the blond arrived. The former student observed his sensei with a compassionate smile and whispered to the guard outside the door to fetch him a cup of coffee.

Drawn out of his reverie by the scent of the hot brew, Kakashi opened one eye, then the second and inhaled the strong steam floating above the mug. As always, he span with his chair to drink his coffee and avoid Naruto’s curious look.

“I still don’t understand why I can’t see the bottom half of your face.” He said with a touch of brooding in his voice.

Kakashi chuckled but didn’t answer. All Naruto could hear was the sound of his sensei sipping on his coffee. He was dying to trap him but he was Hokage now and it wasn’t the time for a stupid prank. Deep down, he still hoped that Kakashi would unveil himself to him. Maybe on the day of his coronation, who knew?

“Why are you here Naruto?” Kakashi said, turning to face him, the empty mug now on his desk.

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day and tell you that… it’s going to be okay.”

“Good.” Kakashi nodded. “I don’t need to have you and Sasuke fighting. I have too much to deal with already.”

They stared at each other until Naruto looked down, still embarrassed about how he had acted. It wasn’t dignifying of him. He should have been a better man than yelling in the Hokage’s office as if he was complaining to his parents about personal matters. He had grown and had to prove it, especially if he wanted to earn that position in a few years.

“I’m not mad at you, Naruto. Even if I’m Hokage, you’re still my student and my sensei’s son. If things had been different, we could have been raised like brothers.”

The Uzumaki lifted his gaze, surprised by Kakashi’s confession. Did he really consider him like a little brother? Feeling his heart beat faster, he didn’t find the words to answer to him. He was lacking words in a precious moment and hated himself for it.

“I’m here, if you need me for professional… and private matters.” Kakashi concluded.

“Thank you… sensei. It means a lot to me.”

The two men shared a soft glance and if they had not been shinobi, maybe Naruto would have hugged him. Knowing Kakashi was thinking the same, they both chuckled, embarrassed about such a sudden intimacy between them. They were family, they were all they had left. They had to cherish the bond uniting them.

“He’s back.” Kakashi added in one breath.

“Who?” Naruto said, already blushing.

“You know who. They arrived during the night. He’s at the hospital right now.”

“W… did something happen?”

“His shoulder is getting worse. I bet Sakura is on it already. You can go.” Kakashi said with a smile as Naruto was stamping to find him.

As soon as he was allowed to leave, Naruto rushed down the stairs of the tower and ran in the streets of Konoha. It was probably nothing, but the idea of Sasuke being hurt and without him to protect him was unbearable. Sure, he had been accompanied by Lee and Tenten. Those were both incredible shinobi but… but they weren’t Naruto. And the Uchiha wouldn’t let any of them touch him to release some of the pain in his shoulders and his back.

“That bastard still doesn’t want to get that arm.” He hissed for himself. “What a proud asshole.”

Naruto didn’t wait for the nurse to tell him where to go. He knew the place by heart, having stayed here so often. He quickened the pace while crossing the hospital hallways until he found the shinobi aisle. This was where they were keeping the wounded ninja. Most of those people needed special treatments and anonymity. As the shining hero of the town, nobody asked Naruto what he was doing here. The blond peeked through every window to know where Sasuke was, until he heard a familiar voice. It was a slight moan, a painful one that sent a shiver down his spine. Maybe it was more serious than he thought?

“Sorry, Sasuke-kun. It’s just that your muscles are completely tensed.”

Leaned against the wall, Naruto could hear Sakura-chan performing her care through the half-open door of the room. He slowed down his breathing and lowered his chakra level to make sure none of them would notice his presence.

“You really should see a specialist… or Tsunade-sama.” She said with a sigh. “I really think you should consider the prosthesis.”

“You know why I don’t want it.” He said with a grunt.

“Yes, well… it’s a stupid decision.” 

They stayed silent for a moment and Naruto could still hear Sasuke’s breath shortening as the kunoichi was working on his articulations.

“Have… have you seen him?” The Uchiha’s voice echoed like a murmur Naruto had trouble deciphering.

“Yes.”

“And?”

Naruto was covered with chills. He was witnessing a private conversation and maybe it wasn’t right to stay here, unannounced. But he couldn’t help it, he needed to know what Sasuke was saying behind his back.

“What do you want to know?” Sakura said with a jaded sigh. “You know I’m not your messenger right? If you have something to say to Naruto, man up!”

A silence followed and Naruto sunk his teeth into his lower lip to avoid a loud chuckle escaping his throat. It was insanely satisfying to hear Sakura scolding Sasuke for once. But the pink-haired girl quickly fell into her old maternal habits.

“I’m sorry. I’m just fed up with you two bickering all the time. You’re alive, you’re well and you have a chance of happiness. But you’re both so stubborn and dumb!”

“Okay! I get it, Sakura.” Sasuke grumbled. “I just… wanted to know if he’s still mad at me.”

“I don’t know. That’s something you should discuss with him. He has taken the letter, though. I don’t know if he had read it.”

“Hm. I hope he has and that he’s able to let me say I’m sorry in person.”

Naruto smiled in spite of himself. He was still mad but slowly understanding the full depth of his feelings.

“Are you still flogging yourself for it?” The kunoichi asked with a soft voice while sitting next to him on the bed.

“How couldn’t I? I’ve been thinking about it during the whole mission. I want to do something for him… like a gift.”

Naruto frowned and heard Sakura giggle. His body was so tense to stay completely still behind that door that he feared he might betray himself. But he couldn’t go right now. He still needed to hear the full conversation.

“Do you really think you can buy Naruto’s forgiveness with a gift?” She said with a laugh.

“No! That’s not what I meant.”

Naruto realized how good it was to hear Sasuke being so relaxed with someone. Of course, he was okay with him but always with restraint. As if he was not allowing himself to be entirely honest, fearing to let something slip. The blond didn’t like that, but he could understand why. He had tried to show the best sides of himself to his friend too… just to seduce him. They were the same.

“I want to give him something meaningful. He’s still my friend even if he doesn’t want to see me anymore.” Sasuke’s voice broke a little near the end and it made the Uzumaki’s heart tighten in his chest.

“What did you have in mind?”

“I want to ask Kakashi if I can access the archives of the village and find Naruto’s parents’ things… pictures, relics from their house… anything.”

Forced to stay silent, Naruto clenched his fist on his t-shirt. Sasuke wanted to give him a precious gift, one that nobody had ever thought about. His friend had seen the mist in his eyes that day when Naruto had helped him clear the Uchiha’s home. The shinobi felt a weakness in his legs and a sentiment of joy, like warm milk pooling in his stomach. 

“That’s… very thoughtful of you, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura said with a smile in her voice.

“You think he’d like it? That he wouldn’t be offended that I looked for it myself without his permission?” Sasuke asked with a slight tremble in his voice.

“No!” Naruto screamed inside him. “Do it! Take care of me!” He desperately screamed in his mind. The Uzumaki was so needy for love and tenderness, that the fact that Sasuke was finally showing his true colors fed him with hope. He wanted to storm inside that room and kneel in front of his friend, kiss his feet and ask him to marry him, right here, right now. But that wasn’t the good way, right? He had to make sure Sasuke was going all the way down the redemption path.

“i’m sure he’s going to love it!” Sakura answered. “You are his best friend, probably the love of his life… who better than you to dig up what everybody wanted to hide from him?”

Sweat had started to coat his entire body. Naruto was suffocating in that hallway. In one second, he was out of the hospital and looking for a place to rest, hidden from the sun. His back was drenched and he was short-breathed, as if he had run a marathon. But to be truly honest, that moment had been like a roller-coaster. Sasuke loved him, he was devoted to him and he had clearly decided to change. It was everything he had hoped for. All he had to do now was to wait for Sasuke to prove him right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your comments, your kudos and just the facts that you're here! I'm having a really good time with this fic and already thinking about the next one!
> 
> xxx


End file.
